Not allowed on Boys trip

If he’s going to cheat then he will lads trip or not.

Would you go on a all girls holiday and do you think he would be ok with it?

1. This is really controlling and unhealthy in a relationship. Hubby might grow tired of this and leave you.

2. If it's because you cannot trust him - This relationship is over.

You either trust him to go, or you do not. You cannot have it both ways. This is no way to live for both of you. It already sounds like the trust has gone and you're grasping at straws, and the dregs of a once happy relationship.

Definitely and I would have said exactly that!

I’m in a very similar situation to you OP.
but the time hasn’t come for him to approach the subject of going away again.
The last night out my husband went on two of his mates cheated.
the last stag he went on my husband openly admitted to trying to set a friend in a relationship up to cheat and took a girls number to orchestrate this.
I posted on here with a similar thread here and was torn apart by some people who said things like you shouldn’t be with someone you don’t trust etc. easy to say when you have a giant mortgage and 3 children but hey!
I’m actually dreading the day he goes away with them next - they are vile

I think associating with lots of men who cheat is a reflection on him. If his morals don't align with them, why would he want to be friends with them? If your friends were all having affairs, would you want to be friends with them, especially if you know their husbands?

Different perhaps if one long standing friend has got himself into a "situation", but several of them doing it repeatedly?

You are using your specific situation to say no one should do it because you don't want to.

I'm a full-time caregiver for my ds with complex special needs. I spend more than enough time with him.

I don't do weeks away with friends but weekends away sometimes. It's glorious.

You can't just decide everyone has the same life you have.

My partner is a trauma worker who works 12 hour days and weekends often. I have time to go away when ds stays with his Dad.

See how we all live different lives?

@Youcantcallacatspider but that's not what happens when my DH is with his mates. All their "affairs" have been longish term and pretty clandestine. For example, they might disappear towards the end of a night out to meet up with their current side girl elsewhere. I was referring to the very general attitude of "I couldn't be married to someone whose mates cheat as that's somehow a reflection on my DH".

He's told them he's not going, so that's a win for you.

They're now piling the pressure on you because he's standing firm. This is good.

Tell his friends that they need to shut up and fuck off. If they don't take the hint rinse and repeat. Or are they asking you to join them?

You are being unreasonable

He needs to be telling them he doesn't want to go, and mean it. Not that he's not allowed.

The was a necessary step for saving your realtionship, if he means to do that he wouldn't want to go.

And hurt her husbands relationships with his friends? Doesn’t sound very considerate

I would have disagreed with you a few years ago. Funny what time can do. Turned out to be true about my XH and his close friends.

Why is it so important to them that your Dh goes? I really don't get that bit unless he's said you're the sticking point hence the badgering.

I couldn't care less if my husband's friends are cheats but there is a massive difference between 'Ahhh well you do you mate. If you need to talk about your relationships I'm always here' to 'Yeh I'll come along with you, get pissed with you, watch you hit on other girls when I know you have a partner at home, quite probably have to be encouraged to act the same way and engage in misogynistic culture and conversations then probably be expected to hang out with your girlfriend/wife and act like nothing is wrong' The latter is miles apart and I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who chooses to put themselves in this situation tbh

OP there a multiple facets to this in my opinion. It is controlling and you are struggling with the idea your husband might cheat. Has he done this before?
His friends are obviously infatilising themselves to get away with there behaviour ie boys trip no your grown ass men who cheat and the restoration the group say nothing. How disgusting of them all and how unfair to you that you feel you should stay quiet when they are hounding you on a night out. Pull the men to one side and give them what for.
Does your husband want to go on this trip and if so is it because they're his friends and he does not want to miss out. This is common and also good for your husband to have a break away with his friends even if they're poor excuses for men.
Have you considered what advice you would give say your sister or best friend if this was there relationship. Then you will have your answer on whether you're being harsh or stopping something that would destroy your marriage.
Personally I think your right so tell your husband it's time to increase your social circle and look for new friends.
Stick to nights out with his male friends and there partners also remember you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why your husband isn't going on holiday.
But IF it comes up I would just say if you want me to air your shit keep talking I now it all.

But this isn't a gang of cheaters. The OP says around half of them cheat...and as I have pointed out, such male groups are often not equally friends. There may be friends of friends or work colleague friends.

I can't understand him wanting to go on holiday with a gang of cheater, unless he also intends cheating. Do the other wives and partners know what goes on when these guys go away? Are they OK with it? How would your husband feel about an all girls holiday? Women are every bit as bad at cheating. Why don't you two go on a couples holiday instead? And then neither of you has to worry about cheating spouses.

I also don't get all the pearl clutching on this thread about men daring to have mates who cheat. My DH isn't defined by his friends. They're people he's known for years and had lots of experiences with. I'd never ask him to ditch his friends because of poor decision making on an issue like this. People are more complex than cheating=bad person.

I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who placed restrictions on me because of other people's behaviour.

Either you trust him, or you don't. If you trust him, let him go. If you don't, why on earth are you trying to save this relationship?

So if around 10 of them go and about 5 cheat, that leaves 5 that go and don't cheat. So why the assumption that your Dh is in one category v another?

I would hate that he keeps that company but I think to ask him not to go is controlling. It might help to talk to partners of those who don't cheat and hear their reassurance. People, particularly men I think, can compartmentalise friends, some guys might be great fun for a night out but don't have the same principles. While their friends laugh along and enjoy themselves they are also silently judging but they shrug it off. In that way the values or morals in a lads friendship group can really vary.

As for the guys asking you, I'd tell them like it is, they don't deserve a polite response! The fact that they ask openly knowing it's an issue in your relationship tells you everything you need to know about them.

I feel quite torn on this.

Him going on these trips doesn't necessarily mean he's going to cheat. You haven't said if cheating is one of the issues you had previously OP.

If he's going to, he will. He doesn't need a lads holiday for that.

I can understand why you would feel uncomfortable and he's clearly agreed to this but it does feel a little controlling.

Sounds like he needs to be more honest with these mates and take some ownership for that.

Saying all that, what's he like as a person? What are his values? Because it would bother me that he has these types of friends. What are they like usually because they sound like dicks.

OP I'd also say it's really obvious that your 'prince' has tried to use you as a scapegoat here. I'd tell him very clearly that next time this happens you will being 100% blunt and honest with his friends

There's a line though. Being aware that a friend is cheating, being discrete about it, understanding that this is just one part of their very complex personality and being supportive of them and not being judgemental regardless is one thing and probably in keeping with a morally decent person. Choosing to go on a holiday in which (by the sounds of it) the main objective is to cheat and they're likely also to egg you on to cheat absolutely isn't. This is condoning and trivialising the friend's behaviour and I would expect any partner who's morality alligned with mine to feel uncomfortable enough with it that they made their own decision to set that boundary.