To find talk of salary crass?

It's crass if you're scoffing at someone and boasting about how much more you are being paid. However I am 100% in agreement that salaries should be an open, matter of fact discussion. It only helps the ruling classes and bosses to be secretive about pay.

I hate that in the UK it's drilled into us to not talk about pay. You should 100% talk about it especially with your colleagues.

Why? I am significantly wealthier than my family and friends. Are you suggesting I should crow about it and rub their noses in the fact that they struggle and I don’t? People in minimum wage jobs are, for the most part, only going to be paid minimum wage for that job. Bragging about my income won’t help them to earn any more, it will just upset them and make me look like a prize twat.

I understand how conversations with people who aren't harping on about money go.

I've never discussed my salary with anyone other than DH.

Even my parents don't know what I earn

Bragging about salary - tiresome

Sharing salary information to help understand what other jobs pay - healthy and helpful

I don't mind hearing people talk about money. I actually think it can be quite a good thing as often people try to make out they are better off than than they actually are and it's all on credit. I know it was very taboo for previous generations but honestly I love that we have normalised turning things down due to a lack of funds. Now I'm better off I don't tend to talk honestly or openly, I think it is just seen as bragging.

I still can't get my head around this. Someone's 'successful' and 'well paid' can be VERY different from someone else's.

@popppoppyzbrite4 I'm not sure you understand how conversations with friends go.

This. Fact. From other countries that do openly discuss salary.

It's a cultural difference.

Bragging is always distasteful, but discussion of salary should happen more.

I’m proud to be surrounded by powerful, successful, well paid women, who I am honoured to call friends. I don’t think it’s crass to tell a friend you got a bonus or are comfortable in life, I’m always pleased to hear my nearest and dearest are nailing it. Those who feel uncomfortable discussing it should consider if they are projecting their discomfort of their own financial situations.

I have never divulged my exact salary to anyone other than my husband but I did find a way to correct my friend who kept incorrectly assuming my husband was “the higher earner” when in fact we earn the same amount. It annoyed me that she made an assumption based on nothing but sexism.

We have one friend who loves to tell us his exact (high) salary, details of any pay rises etc. He does it in an incredibly crass way - and constantly.

I think many of our family and friends would be surprised that we earn as much as we do but our lifestyle does give it away somewhat if you pay close enough attention.

Money talks. Wealth whispers.

I do find talking about money very crass but…

… I also suspect that’s a major factor as to why salaries are often so poor.

Hard to negotiate when you don’t know what the possibilities / limits are.

Really? You talk at people about the cost of everything you have? "I've got a new car, it cost £30,000. Anyone want a gin? I bought this bottle for £15. Come sit on the sofa. It cost £3,000. By the way, I earn 45k!"

I'd leave.

How would it come up at a party and what if other people feel uncomfortable?

I actually like my friends so if they want to have a bit of a brag and celebrate about their pay rise, I'm just happy for them, even if they're now earning more than me, or less, or whatever. But then again I'm sure many pearls would be absolutely white knuckled at a lot of the "crass" and "boorish" things my pals and I "bray" about 🙃

We are not those countries.

I'd love to know how these discussions work in practice. If you earn loads more than everyone else, you look like a braying idiot and open yourself up to resentment. If you earn the least, there is the potential for you to feel like a failure/under achiever.

The British tradition of avoiding these scenarios actually feels more egalitarian to me.

Yes, of course, it's how consumers work out whether they're being ripped off or not. Transparency is a key principle of SO much of our way of life for that reason - law, politics, public services, energy, transport etc etc, wages are just an extension of this.

I think it's Norway that goes the whole hog and publishes tax returns too. And we wonder why it's a wealthy happy country even as we seethe with misery from inequality and poverty.

Maybe going into the minutiae could be crass or unnecessary depending on the context, but what you've described was quite high level and quite normal in my world.

There's a huge difference between being able to have an open discussion about money and 'braying'. As I said, in lots of countries you can google what anybody earns, so there's no reason to try to keep it secret, not talk about it or consider it bad manners to even mention it.

Making discussing salaries taboo means it's easier for women to be paid less than men or certain roles to not be paid equally as it's all hush hush. The more openly it's talked about the better in my opinion. Maybe the way your friend delivered it "earning shit loads" was a bit crass but in general I don't think discussing salaries is crass in fact I think discussing money openly in general is better as you might think someone is well off and buying all the latest things and try to keep up with the jones when in fact the Jones are drowning in debt.

just my opinion

No - everyone should talk about salaries a bit. It’s so important. I get annoyed that some of my friends don’t know what they are worth and are therefore underpaid.

So you attend parties and bray to anyone who will listen about how much you earn?

I think it's sensible to have open discussions with people you trust. It helps you understand if you're being well compensated for your time.

However, as a PP said "shit loads" is entirely subjective so not a useful phrase.

I recently had a friend tell me their DH was earning loads and not worrying about money, and it turned out he was on just above UK average salary, but I'd assumed she meant 6 figures.

Among close friends we'll discuss actually salaries. Non issue.

No, I'm not talking about in an employment context, I'm talking about in a friendship group. The salaries in my friendship group probably range from about 30k to 200k so the disparity is huge. And it's not the people on low pay are being exploited - it's mainly due to career choice!