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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I feel sick! Don’t know if I’m being paranoid though.

130 replies

CutiePatooties · 17/09/2024 14:56

My husband has been acting a bit ‘off’ for about a year I’d say. It started with him hardly ever wanting sex, but I partly put it down to age (he was 52 at this point) and the fact I’ve let myself go majorly (I wouldn’t want to do it with me if I was him). He then bought new clothes and has regular hair cuts - I mean, he didn’t even bother getting his hair cut for our wedding! So this felt strange.

He then started acting funny with his phone. I noticed he never left it lying around like before and where he used to sit in the living room (where you could see his phone screen as it’s all open plan) he then changed where he sat and sits with his back to the wall so you can’t see what’s on his screen without getting up and going over to him. (In which case, he’ll put it away). He never sits next to me on his phone, it’s always with his back to me, or like yesterday, he was at the bottom of the stairs on his phone, I came out, he quickly walked up stairs putting his phone in his pocket.

Now while some of you may think this isn’t anything to worry about, it was enough for me to go searching for things. I don’t know his passwords to anything, so I thought I’d start with Facebook and try guessing his password. I put his phone number in and it came up with a different guy’s name, but linked to his mobile number and an email which although most was asterisks, started with his initial and not this guy’s initial. (I hope I’m making sense). I then tried getting into that email and clicked on ‘forgotten password’ and another email address and his mobile number came up on the recovery page. So he has at least two more emails than I thought and a Facebook account under another name.

I phoned him and just asked how many email accounts does he have and he said one. When pressed a bit, he said maximum two and one is a gmail account. This isn’t true - he has at least 2 outlooks and 1 Hotmail. I then asked how many Facebook accounts he has and he said 1 and sounded confused. He asked me why I’m asking and I said not to worry and hung up. He then sent a message asking, ‘what are you on about?’

I don’t know if I am BU, as when I say he’s become weird with his phone, he tells me I just want an argument and says, ‘look at my phone then, go on, go on!’ And shouts at me, so I just back down. Has always made me think maybe I’m overthinking it and he’s not done anything wrong. But finding out about the other email addresses and the Facebook under a different name has made me think perhaps I’m right to be suspicious. It’s so hard as there’s no way of finding out more info and he’s had the chance to be honest with me but hasn’t.

OP posts:
LoubeighLough · 17/09/2024 15:12

Hard to say. I have another Facebook because some things I don't want to comment on in my name. So like one time I could see an argument on a local big story and I'm a bit strange about putting my own name to things, so I commented on the argument as a totally different person. My DH doesn't know I have it, but only because I've never mentioned it. Not because I've hidden it. It's no secret. So that alone I couldn't say one way or another. What's the point in him contacting people under a different name if his intention is to cheat? His photo or not his photo?

Mrsttcno1 · 17/09/2024 15:11

I’m sorry OP this is a hard one, I would try having a proper talk with him about it all. Realistically he’s hid any evidence by now, so the only way you will know is if you ask him.

Limth · 17/09/2024 15:09

You're right to be suspicious. He's offering for you to look through his phone because he knows you're on to him and has cleaned up any incriminating evidence.

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP.

Neverstophoping · 17/09/2024 15:06

I think you know you aren't being paranoid OP . Everything adds up to something going on even if it's not a full physical affair.
You really need to sit down together and talk about the state of your marriage. Tell him your suspicions. Before you talk to him have it clear in your head what your line in the sand is as regards the future of your marriage.

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 17/09/2024 15:04

Sadly, I think you're very right to be suspicious, these are classic giveaways.

What do you want to do next op?

Flowers