Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend cancelled to spend time with his mum

212 replies

pinkerline · 17/09/2024 12:34

Boyfriend lives with his parents (the save for a deposit) 5 min drive away, finishes work around 7-8pm usually.

I live alone with DS age 5.

Boyfriend popped over last night for a couple of hours, and said he'd come over again tonight.

Usually we'd get to spend two nights a week together, but we're both away this weekend.

He has now cancelled, as he is going to spend the night with his mum as she spent last night on her own. This is because boyfriend's dad is away for work this week.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous reason? Maybe I'm insensitive.

OP posts:
Neverstophoping · 17/09/2024 12:49

pinkerline · 17/09/2024 12:43

Ok thank you, seems I am BU.

Think I have a low tolerance atm as he's been a monumental bit of a dick recently.

Sounds as though there is more going on in your relationship than you said in your first post OP.

NewName24 · 17/09/2024 12:48

I'm with you OP (and I'm likely to be closer to the age of his Mum).

I would find it extremely odd if one of my adult dc cancelled seeing their girlfriend / boyfriend to 'keep me company' for no reason. Even if dh were away for a fortnight.
I have my own friends, and I am also perfectly able to keep myself occupied without being 'babysat'.
I'm guessing his Mum is only going to be 50s or 60s, not a 97 yr old who hasn't had any human contact for a fortnight ?

YANBU at all.

Anisty · 17/09/2024 12:47

I am on your side, OP - and I speak as a Mum of adult sons! Unless the Mum is very ill this is a huge red flag. Especially as he lives with Mum; it's not like he hasn't seen her for a few years!

Your boyfriend should definitely choose you over his Mum. I'd be really worried if an adult son of mine chose to keep me company over seeing his girlfriend.

It makes mum sound a very sad and dependent character - has she not got plenty she can be getting on with whilst her man is away?

Youmwarayoum · 17/09/2024 12:44

No, but you are being ridiculous. It’s ok for a grown man to want to keep his mum company.

Original poster
pinkerline · 17/09/2024 12:43

Ok thank you, seems I am BU.

Think I have a low tolerance atm as he's been a monumental bit of a dick recently.

OP posts:
Frosty1000 · 17/09/2024 12:42

I'd not be bothered with this at all and actually would be glad he takes care of his mum. You will have other days together.

I'd treat yourself to a nice dinner and a box set and look forward to your next time together 🙂

Sparklefroggle · 17/09/2024 12:41

I think it’s a lovely reason. Especially as his Mum is otherwise alone.

ThisBlueCrab · 17/09/2024 12:40

Unless there is a massive back story you are being ridiculous and childish.

He doesn't want to leave his mum on her own 2 nights in a row when her husband is away...he sounds like a lovely guy quite frankly.

Kingoftheroad · 17/09/2024 12:38

Is your boyfriend DS’ Dad? If not then you are being unreasonable.

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 17/09/2024 12:38

Well, seems a bit ridiculous but I have met older couples who do find it very difficult when the other one is away. It might also be that your DP and his mum enjoy having some time together without his dad sometimes. I'd be more irritated about the cancellation at short notice - he could have figured out that he's going to be busy ages ago.

Original poster
pinkerline · 17/09/2024 12:37

knittingdad · 17/09/2024 12:36

Would you know his mum will enough that he could invite you over there for the evening?

Unfortunately not

OP posts:
knittingdad · 17/09/2024 12:36

Would you know his mum will enough that he could invite you over there for the evening?

Swipe left for the next trending thread