Boyfriend cancelled to spend time with his mum

I think that's lovely. My dsd has offered to come over and keep me company when her dad was away, very thoughtful I thought. Young people aren't all bad!

How long have you been together?

How old is he?

Maybe his mum and he are doing something that they can't normally do when his dad is there or maybe she's asked him to do something for her. Rather than give you a full breakdown he's just said sorry and he's spending time with his mum. He saw you yesterday, not like it was a week ago.

What's he done?

there's a few things missing to be able give a better opinion... how long have you guys been together? is BF your babies daddy? and is BF Dad away often or is this a one off?

if you have only been together a few months, then i don't think it's unreasonable for him to stay home and keep his mum company especially as you have added that in your eyes he's been a bit of a dick recently.

if he is you babies daddy, then there's an element of perhaps his priority should be more focused on his child than his mum.

and finally, if dad being away is a new thing, then i don't think its unreasonable for him to want to keep him mum company if she is not used to being home alone.

but as i've said, there's things we really need to know first.

Why would she do that?

Is this a long term relationship OP because I would run from this guy. Boyfriends with needy mums are a pain and she definitely sounds like one. I’ve been there, trust me, it won’t get better.

In which ways has he been a dick?

YANBU at all. I think it's strange enough that a grown adult still lives at home, but assuming there is a genuine reason (i.e. saving up for a deposit etc), then fair enough short term, but it's even more strange he feels a need to stay home to keep her company just because her partner is away temporarily. Massive red flags all over it. I'm assuming she had no care needs nor disabilities!

What happens if her partner leaves her or if he dies? Is your boyfriend going to stay home forever to keep her company?

He's a dick and he's also not that into you.

You know what you need to do, so do it and stop wasting your time.

How long have you been together? Does his mum have health problems?

I think its nice he is close to his mum.

and here comes the drip feed.....

This ^

It's not that bad is it?

I agree with this. I wouldn't dream of asking my son to stay in and keep me company because I was alone for an evening. I think that's really weird personally. Unless she is very elderly and infirm and can't be left alone, it would be a massive red flag. I'm surprised that so many think you're being unreasonable OP. I don't think you are!

Gonna go against the grain here

He lives with his mum and dad yes. You said he popped over to yours for a couple of hours and the plan was to do the same the night after. So I'm assuming he was only going to stay at yours for a couple of hours again, then be off home to his mum and dads 5 min away

So his mum (a grown woman) would only have actually been alone for a couple of hours?

Do they live on some kind of lawless council estate with feral crackheads attempting to break in every night? Does she have care needs that mean she cannot be alone for a few hours? If not, I'd be getting the ick..

If he's telling the truth then I personally wouldn't be bothered and would find it quite nice that he is close to his mum.

However there's always the chance that it's not the truth!

I would not expect any of my adult sons to cancel a date to spend time with me if dh was away, unless there was an especially good reason why I needed someone with me and couldn't be left alone. Unless there is some genuine reason why his mum needs him there, I think your bf should be honouring his commitment to you, @pinkerline.

I see from one of your updates that he has been a bit of a dick recently, and that's why your tolerance may be low on this occasion. I'd urge you to take a long, hard look at the relationship, and see if you think he is treating you with respect, as you deserve to be treated. I would worry that you are out of the honeymoon period with him, and now he is showing you his real self - but I could be wrong - only you can decide.

@pinkerline

As his Mum, I'd be more annoyed i'd lost my evening to myself!

it doesn't sound like you know his Mum well enough to know how she feel, so maybe he's using this as an excuse to not come around. What's changed between last night and today? He knew his Dad was away & he knew she was 'home alone' last night

in what ways has he been a monumental prick lately??

I think it's reasonable to stay in with his mum if she's nervy about being alone teo nights in a row, but it sounds like maybe it comes at an opportune time for him to escape some tension between the pair of you at the same time?

I think it would be best to pick your battles here and leave him to it this week.

He lives with his parents but can’t leave his mum on her own?! Hmm red flag! I’d be offended and worry he’s under the thumb at home and she will always come before you!

Agree If one of my children stayed because husband is away I would urge them not too .I really crave 'me' time and enjoy prefer my own company when husband away!
Edited to say I absolutely adore my children and their company but also timecto myself as well

Maybe as a mum of a son you can see the nice side to it?

Maybe that background information is relevant to your original question. Might be helpful to explain.