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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend cancelled to spend time with his mum

212 replies

pinkerline · 17/09/2024 12:34

Boyfriend lives with his parents (the save for a deposit) 5 min drive away, finishes work around 7-8pm usually.

I live alone with DS age 5.

Boyfriend popped over last night for a couple of hours, and said he'd come over again tonight.

Usually we'd get to spend two nights a week together, but we're both away this weekend.

He has now cancelled, as he is going to spend the night with his mum as she spent last night on her own. This is because boyfriend's dad is away for work this week.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous reason? Maybe I'm insensitive.

OP posts:
morellamalessdrama · 17/09/2024 13:40

YANBU at all, it's odd behavior (and I have two teen sons).

JHound · 17/09/2024 13:40

Same - it’s baffling to me that people have an issue with this. In many cultures this is the norm and I don’t get why multi-generational living is bad. I left home to go to uni and then had to move for work but had I not I cannot imagine leaving home before my late 20s at the earliest.

pikkumyy77 · 17/09/2024 13:38

He isn’t in a relationship with you. You are really just a friend with benefits. I mean isn’t that obvious? My dh and I had a long distance relationship—coast to coast in the US for five years but after we got married there is no way he would have limited himself to a few hours twice a week. That’s a really casual relationship to me. And, worse, its not progressing. You don’t even know his mother enough to be invited over? I couldn’t stand my MIL and I hasd a closer relationship with her after four years than that.

PumpkinScarf · 17/09/2024 13:37

Given his mum is not elderly or ill I would find this really odd. YANBU.

pinkyredrose · 17/09/2024 13:36

There seems to be an opinion from a lot of people that 'older' people usually women mustn't be alone or they'll feel abandoned and lonely.

Newsflash - not all older people need to be 'kept company'.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/09/2024 13:36

pinkerline · 17/09/2024 13:20

Not an intentional drip feed. The instances of dick headed-ness are really irrelevant to this tbh. Just allowed it to cloud my judgment

The instances of dickheadedness may be irrelevant to this issue, @pinkerline - but I would suggest you need to look at all his behaviour and see if you are willing to put up with it, going forward.

Everyone can be a bit of a dick sometimes, and if it is isolated incidents, and most importantly, if he realises when he has been a bit of a dick, and is sorry for it, then it doesn't have to be a relationship killer. But on the other hand, as I said earlier - it could be that this is the real him, and he's letting it show now he is more comfortable in the relationship.

Kelly51 · 17/09/2024 13:35

Sounds more like mum is a handy excuse not to come over. 4 years and he can't invite you to his mums?
Dump the monumental dick.

JHound · 17/09/2024 13:34

I wouldn’t have an issue with boyfriend cancelling to keep his mom company. I guess I don’t see any need for prioritisation in terms of family relationships - more “need”.

However he should have been better organised and maybe not made plans with you in the first place.

Is it early days of the relationship?

ItGhoul · 17/09/2024 13:34

This reply has been deleted

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Ohtoberetired · 17/09/2024 13:32

You’ve been together for four years and still only see each other for a couple of hours twice a week. He really doesn’t sound very committed to the relationship.

ItGhoul · 17/09/2024 13:31

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TenderChicken · 17/09/2024 13:28

I wouldn't be impressed by any of what you described.

Lives with his parents. Ick.
His mum can't be alone. Wtaf. Will this be a continual problem?
Blowing you off to hang out with his mum... when he lives with her.

I think I'd find it really hard to find this man attractive.

redskydarknight · 17/09/2024 13:27

It's either nice, or his mother is controlling. If the latter, I would run.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 17/09/2024 13:25

Yeah, I'm with you OP. I'd find that really odd and off putting.

How long have you been together?

narns · 17/09/2024 13:25

I'd roll my eyes at that tbh 😂

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/09/2024 13:25

No she doesn't, she's 55 and works full time

This makes it all the more odd. She's not an old lady. Indeed she's the same age as me and I'm a lone parent to a 13 yo boy. Even in 10 years time I wouldn't be asking him to sit with me to keep me company. I'd throw this one back in, he's not cut the apron strings.

DillDanding · 17/09/2024 13:25

Well, you could say ‘isn’t it nice he cares so much about his mum?’

But you could also think it’s a bit weird. or that he’s just not that bothered about you.

I’d steer clear of an adult man who is too fond of his mum. And I have 2 grown up sons!

Original poster
pinkerline · 17/09/2024 13:23

4 years

OP posts:
Howdull · 17/09/2024 13:22

check his story out. find some excuse to pop over

Ilovelifeverymuch · 17/09/2024 13:21

pinkerline · 17/09/2024 12:43

Ok thank you, seems I am BU.

Think I have a low tolerance atm as he's been a monumental bit of a dick recently.

How has he been a dick?

Original poster
pinkerline · 17/09/2024 13:20

Not an intentional drip feed. The instances of dick headed-ness are really irrelevant to this tbh. Just allowed it to cloud my judgment

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 17/09/2024 13:20

As a mother of three sons, I would be irritated if they cancelled on their gf to spend the evening with me.

Op, how else has he been a dick recently?

espressomartinii · 17/09/2024 13:19

I'd give anything to spend another evening with my mum. I'd only be concerned if this was a regular thing, him not prioritising you. As a one off I'd let it go.

On another note, I don't see why other posters seem to think it's weird a 'grown adult' lives at home with his parents. This a really really normal thing now days considering how much it costs to rent, how low some wages are and how hard it can be to save enough to move out. The OP hasn't mentioned how old either of them are and has mentioned he's saving for a deposit.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 17/09/2024 13:19

ThisBlueCrab · 17/09/2024 12:40

Unless there is a massive back story you are being ridiculous and childish.

He doesn't want to leave his mum on her own 2 nights in a row when her husband is away...he sounds like a lovely guy quite frankly.

Really? And what happens when he and OP are married, living together with kids, will he run back home everytime his father travels so his mother is not alone for 2 nights?

His mother is so fragile that she can't stay at home alone for 2 days and must be babysat at all times by either her husband or son?

Idontjetwashthefucker · 17/09/2024 13:18

mitogoshigg · 17/09/2024 13:18

I think that's lovely. My dsd has offered to come over and keep me company when her dad was away, very thoughtful I thought. Young people aren't all bad!

But he lives with his mum, she'd have been on her own for a couple of hours!

I'd be pissed off too OP, you hardly see him as it is

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