Boyfriend cancelled to spend time with his mum

You had a miscarriage and his family don't speak to you? WTF is going on with that?

It's setting a bad precedent. What happens if the dad leaves the mum? Son will stay over every night?

What a lovely caring son. I've just read the OP. No doubt there will be more information that should have been in the OP.

Come the fuck on, op. What are you even doing? Your standards are so low they are subterranean.

As he lives with her then yes it’s a bit weird. He is presumably at home the other nights of the week?

Yes to this^
Sorry, OP, I’ve asked about age and health, somehow missed your post that mum is 55 and no disabilities. There is nothing “ nice” about spending evening with mum in this situation it has a vibe of weirdness or lie, whatever you prefer.
My sister has grown up son and I can’t even fathom the situation as you’ve described.

Red flag? A man who is nice to his mum? 🤔.

imo It speaks really highly of his character. A man who goes out of his way to take care of his mum is a) rare and b) a keeper.

He's possibly seeing someone else.

Sorry.

Fuck me there's a lot going on here!!!!

Sounds like bullshit to me, if a man wants to see you he will.
You sound like a FWB
He's not saving
What does he do the other 5 nights a week?
His family sound awful

I would never expect my adult children to 'keep me company'. She's 55 not 95

Get rid and move on OP

So you've been together for 4 years and all the time you get together is a few minutes 2 nights a week?

Are you planning on being together full time - you say he's saving for a home of his own?

Blimey OP. You've been together 4 years, miscarried and you still don't know his mum well.

As a mother of adult sons and similar age to his mum, it all sounds a bit strange.

Sorry to be suspicious but no way has he cancelled to be with his mum! It's beyond odd! Especially if other things are going on.

He lives 5 mins drive away.
I get she might not want to be alone in the house overnight but he could easily have come for tea with you then back to watch TV with mum, whatever.

As you say he's been a dick recently, I'd assume he's no longer giving this relationship his all & not fussed about not seeing you at the weekend.

Also sounds a weird co-dependent family set up to me, but I'm not the best with that kind of thing.

His mother is 55 and works fulltime. She is not some frail aged old woman. Nothing wrong with him spending time with her of course. And he does see her all the time as he lives there too. But he chose to cancel your arrangement at short notice so you spent the evening alone. I don't think this is going anywhere good. I'm not sure its anywhere good now either. Does he just come over for sex twice a week? Does he ever take you out? What do you do for Christmas and birthdays? I think I would be re-evaluating this relationship because this is not where you'd expect a relationships to be after 4 years if he was serious.

So did he plan to stay the night initially or just to pop for a few hours?
How old is his mum and do you know if she has chronic illnesses/ mental health issues?

One of the maddest replies ever here.

My H was away on business for 50% of every year for 35 years.

Across the world including Oz, the Middle East, and the US.

I spent days on my own, as did a lot of my friends.

There is something seriously wrong if an adult woman can't spend an evening on her own.

Is your bf called Timothy?

Seriously op how old is he because if he’s over 25 I would have the massive ick?

Understandably a bit annoying, maybe there's things you don't know though. Perhaps his mum has a health issue or anxiety or something along those lines and finds it difficult alone, or maybe she's just nervous if they're normally together and have been for a long time, and she's always had either him or her son there.

Just trying to play devils advocate that he may not be being intentionally awful to you. Doesn't excuse any other crap behaviour though.

think I would be sceptical about his reason for cancelling, especially given the age of his Mum and the fact she works. Unless there is something going on in her life which makes her vulnerable in some
way.

You have hinted your relationship isn't good anyway but as you don't want to reveal more about what's going on its difficult to comment other than say it sounds as though he isn't being upfront with you re his reason for cancelling.

Edited to say I've just seen your update about the bad feeling between you and his mum. That makes it sound as though there is something more to this.

May I ask what you are getting out of this relationship? His family has ‘blocked you’, and you only see him twice a week? I don’t know, I wouldn’t want to see anyone whose family ostracised me.

Yes YABU

You have no stake or claim to anyone's time. Whether you think their excuse is good enough or not. The only thing you control is your own boundaries.

You have no idea if something has happened in his/mum's environment, whether there has been bad news, whether mum is ill, multiple reasons. Or it could be the bf is a bit of a sap and mum is a control freak not willing to let the apron string untie. Who knows.

If it were me, I'd make no big deal of it, but I'd make sure whatever I planned for the evening didn't have me wallowing in self pity wondering why he chose mum over me, 🤔 Go do something good, even if it's nice food, bath and bed. Don't waste time wondering, you do you, let him do him.

4 yrs !!!! 😮
Oh OP chuck this one back.
You'll have a lifetime of him being a "Mummies Boy" I'm a mother to 8 lads and 4 girls, and there's very little I've not seen over the years with kids, parenting, dating relationships etc.

One of my DD got involved with a man like yours, it was a constant pattern of his Mum coming first even though his parents were both young and worked. It was always about his Mum.

If after 4 yrs of knowing him you don't know his mum very well, there's a reason for that too. He's keeping you at arms length, he's seeing you two evenings a week to satisfy his "needs" the rest of the time he's happy living at home having his washing, ironing and meals by Mummy. He's living the life of Riley.

You're on your own with a child, he's using you Sweetie, chuck him back.

Yikes, that sounds rather odd. It might be different if he rarely saw his mum (but they live together) or she was unwell (no mention of that).

I love having an evening to myself when everyone else is out. I can't imagine being so needy that I wanted an adult child to stay home and keep me company because my husband was at work!

This might be one of two different red flags. Firstly, an overly enmeshed/coexistent mother-son relationship. My cousin was once engaged to someone like this. His mother was very overbearing but he seemed to like it! He bought a flat and was doing it up to move in, the mother kept interfering and the project ran on and on so that the move was delayed by about 2 years. Then the mother was widowed unexpectedly, very sad, but after the initial grief things got even worse as she expected the son to become a substitute husband, going out to dinner as a pair and being her +1 at weddings etc. When cousin objected he broke off their engagement, moved back in with mother and sold the flat. As far as we know, he's still there (now aged late 40s).

The other, simpler scenario, given that he's been a bit of a dick recently, is that he's just gone off you (sorry) and it's an excuse to start fading out of your life.

I might be wrong but it doesn't look great.

Is it definitely your boyfriend OP? As in are you his girlfriend but he is not your boyfriend? I see you said elsewhere you have been together 4 years but you don’t know the mom well enough to be invited over. That is the bit that sounds odd and sounds more like a situationship to me.

Together 4 years and you hardly know his mum?