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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend cancelled to spend time with his mum

212 replies

pinkerline · 17/09/2024 12:34

Boyfriend lives with his parents (the save for a deposit) 5 min drive away, finishes work around 7-8pm usually.

I live alone with DS age 5.

Boyfriend popped over last night for a couple of hours, and said he'd come over again tonight.

Usually we'd get to spend two nights a week together, but we're both away this weekend.

He has now cancelled, as he is going to spend the night with his mum as she spent last night on her own. This is because boyfriend's dad is away for work this week.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous reason? Maybe I'm insensitive.

OP posts:
ClareBlue · 17/09/2024 15:42

His mother is 55 and works full time but he feels the need to keep her company when her partner is away and cancels you, even though he lives with her. Come on, that's a pathetic excuse
4 years in and you get 2 nights of his time a week and the whole family treat you appallingly at a very sensitive time of miscarriage.
You can do way way better. Are you afraid that you won't find another partner as a single parent or of the effort of having to be open to forming a new relationship. Time will just slip by and you'll still be treated like this.
Time to dump and move on. There's loads of opportunities out there to make yourself feel good and not.put up with this rubbish.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 17/09/2024 15:41

Aquamarine1029 · 17/09/2024 15:38

Is this the best you think you can do? Is he what you want for the rest of your life? What a grim prospect.

Have to agree with this, does he sound like he'd be a good step-dad to your son?

Aquamarine1029 · 17/09/2024 15:38

Is this the best you think you can do? Is he what you want for the rest of your life? What a grim prospect.

Original poster
pinkerline · 17/09/2024 15:35

MakeMineaDigestivePlease · 17/09/2024 15:28

I think you have misread the posts OP.

Most posters are saying he was being unreasonable to choose an evening in with his mum rather than seeing you.

Where is your relationship going?

After 4 years it seems to be nowhere if he's saving up for his own house.

How old is he?

He's 24.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkerline · 17/09/2024 15:35

MakeMineaDigestivePlease · 17/09/2024 15:28

I think you have misread the posts OP.

Most posters are saying he was being unreasonable to choose an evening in with his mum rather than seeing you.

Where is your relationship going?

After 4 years it seems to be nowhere if he's saving up for his own house.

How old is he?

Sorry, DS is not his.

The plan is to move in together.

OP posts:
LL1991 · 17/09/2024 15:29

I don't think theres anything wrong with this. In the grand scheme of things does it really matter that he wanted to stay in for a home cooked meal with his mum? Unless you're worried that theres something else going on then I'd leave it. Maybe his mum just misses his dad and was a bit low when he got home last night.

Mrsttcno1 · 17/09/2024 15:28

I think if you’re not happy in general then it’s time to walk away, but wanting to spend time with his mum isn’t a crime and I wouldn’t think that was terrible.

MakeMineaDigestivePlease · 17/09/2024 15:28

I think you have misread the posts OP.

Most posters are saying he was being unreasonable to choose an evening in with his mum rather than seeing you.

Where is your relationship going?

After 4 years it seems to be nowhere if he's saving up for his own house.

How old is he?

coxesorangepippin · 17/09/2024 15:28

Still unclear whether the DS is his or not

Either way:

You're just an occasional shag op. He's saving for his own place, and prefers seeing his mother to you.

Move on and find a proper bloke

Caerulea · 17/09/2024 15:27

pinkerline · 17/09/2024 15:24

They blocked me because I was pregnant, it was prior to the miscarriage.

Show quote history

Assuming it was your boyfs baby I honestly don't think that makes them any better. Worse if anything. That's incredibly sad to me, you deserve better I'm sure

alpacachino · 17/09/2024 15:27

pinkerline · 17/09/2024 12:43

Ok thank you, seems I am BU.

Think I have a low tolerance atm as he's been a monumental bit of a dick recently.

Then dump him for that!

Hydenseek78 · 17/09/2024 15:26

As a mum to adult sons with a husband that works abroad 1 week in every 4 I definately not want them to cancel a date. I love that I can have the remote to myself/read a book, cook whatever I like, I enjoy the peace and quiet and "me" time. Is boyfriend using his mum to just not see you? It also depends on the reasons for his dickishness. It is a bit odd though. Are his family co - dependant on each other ?

FeistyFrankie · 17/09/2024 15:25

Time to all it a day, OP? That is truly appalling behaviour on their part!

Original poster
pinkerline · 17/09/2024 15:24

Caerulea · 17/09/2024 15:19

You've been together four years, half way through your relationship you miscarried an unplanned pregnancy & his family blocked you? For having the temerity to miscarry? Tbh it wouldn't matter if you aborted, that's just revolting behaviour from them. And he's just gone along with that?

You don't live together.
He's saving for a place for him (presumably).
You see one another two nights a week.

Honestly this sounds like a poor excuse for a relationship. What do you get from it?

They blocked me because I was pregnant, it was prior to the miscarriage.

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 17/09/2024 15:20

dutysuite · 17/09/2024 15:13

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I often encourage my husband to see and do more for his mum who is alone. You saw your DP the night before so it’s not as his mother is claiming all of his time.

Edited

He lives with his mother and I guess sees her every day, he's barely seen the OP this week and won't be seeing her at weekend...I'd be pissed off with that.

I'd be seriously rethinking this 'relationship' OP, he's not making time for you and after 4 years, it's going nowhere

Caerulea · 17/09/2024 15:19

You've been together four years, half way through your relationship you miscarried an unplanned pregnancy & his family blocked you? For having the temerity to miscarry? Tbh it wouldn't matter if you aborted, that's just revolting behaviour from them. And he's just gone along with that?

You don't live together.
He's saving for a place for him (presumably).
You see one another two nights a week.

Honestly this sounds like a poor excuse for a relationship. What do you get from it?

dutysuite · 17/09/2024 15:13

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I often encourage my husband to see and do more for his mum who is alone. You saw your DP the night before so it’s not as his mother is claiming all of his time.

EcoChica1980 · 17/09/2024 15:11

pinkerline · 17/09/2024 12:43

Ok thank you, seems I am BU.

Think I have a low tolerance atm as he's been a monumental bit of a dick recently.

Although you did seem to think he was being a dick about this, so your radar might be a bit off.

HRHelpNeededPlease · 17/09/2024 15:02

PiggleToes · 17/09/2024 14:36

why shouldn’t he keep his mother company?! Maybe he (shock horror) enjoys his mother’s company and vice versa?! Honestly what is wrong with our society???
I mean maybe he’s making an excuse because he doesn’t want to see OP, but I can’t for the life of me see how one could infer that from this one example with no other context?

Show quote history

No-one is saying he shouldn't care about his mum or enjoy her company but he still lives in her house. It sounds as if he sees her very regularly as it is.

He only sees his partner two evenings a week after four year together, and he cancels one of them this week so his mum doesn't have to spend the evening on her own because her husband is away.

Whereas the OP clearly spends most nights of the week on her own, and he doesn't seem too bothered about that.

That's the issue. It's weird that some people on this thread just can't see it. It makes me wonder if they are that kind of mother.

SallyWD · 17/09/2024 15:01

JHound · 17/09/2024 14:43

She said it was not the mom’s idea. She had plans to stay in alone and watch a movie!

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Sorry, I missed that

pikkumyy77 · 17/09/2024 14:59

pinkerline · 17/09/2024 13:46

It isn't his mum who has pushed for this. Boyfriend said she was planning to watch a film, and he didn't want her to be lonely.

I know his mum, but we don't speak. I got unexpectedly pregnant a couple of years ago (miscarried) and the whole family blocked me.

What a clusterfuck.

Original poster
pinkerline · 17/09/2024 14:58

Boltonb · 17/09/2024 14:55

Maybe he fancied finishing work and going home to relax? His mum might be an excuse, and he might not have fancied a night with someone else’s child?

My son would be asleep by the time he was here

OP posts:
Boltonb · 17/09/2024 14:55

Maybe he fancied finishing work and going home to relax? His mum might be an excuse, and he might not have fancied a night with someone else’s child?

CurlewKate · 17/09/2024 14:52

Could be a massive red flag.
Could be a massive green flag.

Only time will tell!

JHound · 17/09/2024 14:43

SallyWD · 17/09/2024 14:31

I think he's doing a nice thing. However, I'd be concerned that his mum was quite needy and emotionally blackmailing him to stay with her. I know a mum who was like this with her adult son. When he finally plucked up the courage to leave home, she almost had a breakdown!

She said it was not the mom’s idea. She had plans to stay in alone and watch a movie!

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