Boyfriend cancelled to spend time with his mum

I have 5 sons, all grown up now and they have never once stayed in specifically to keep me company because I'm alone. Their dad has always worked away so spending evenings alone is pretty normal for me (and I like it) I think it sounds like an excuse not to come to see you to be honest. He probably wants to have a lazy evening to himself and have his mum cook and clean up after him!

That’s young to take on a child. Is that why there is a difficult relationship with the family?

Are you 24 too- or younger/ older?

Honestly, I think you need to cut him free.

Taking on a single parent at 20 (him) is (IMO) not the best thing. He's got a lot of living to do .

If you've been together from when he was 20 and you already had a child then, he's not really got much dating /life experience.

You don't say you're saving 'together' for a home.

It sounds very casual and definitely not going anywhere.

Have you RTFT? They've been together 4 years and he still lives with his parents. They also blocked OP when she had a miscarriage. Needy? I don't think so.

I suspect this is a lie

I am not sure that into you if he can forgo the twice weekly meet ups. I’d wonder if there is someone else or if he’s just treading water with you.

How do you not know his mum well enough to visit for a couple of hours after four years?

I think you need to find someone who actually cares about you.

I think a grown man who lives with his parents can leave his mum for a couple of hours to visit his girlfriend while dad is away for a couple of days.

Really? They've been together four years and she only gets two nights a week with him as it is, while he actually lives with his mother, so hardly needs a cosy mother and son date night with her....

Something's off about this.

I'm the first person to say if someone is being needy or clingy or controlling but this is the opposite. It sounds as if the OP has been pretty accommodating for far too long. Where is this relationship going, after four years if he lives close by and yet only visits two evenings a week and doesn't feel bad about cancelling one of those? What on earth is he doing for the other five evenings?

I suspect the OP doesn't want to rock the boat in case she gets dumped, but I think she might be clinging on to something not very solid to start with. My DS is 24 and he's been with his GF for four years too. They are absolutely joined at the hip. No way would he live round the corner but only bother to visit twice a week.

OP do you ever go out together, either just the two of you, or with your son, or with mutual friends? Is he involved with your family? Do you spend Christmases together?

Or does your entire relationship pretty much consist of him visiting you a couple of nights a week at your place?

He LIVES WITH his mother! How much more does he need to see of her?

I'm assuming that got DH lives with you

It all sounds a bit needy by you.

Yep
This is a plus point

Is there the chance that mum is a cover story for him seeing someone else?

Is that what you're worried about?

Thanks, but no, I didn't misread it, I knew he was only with her 2 nights a week, I just accidentally mistyped 2 nights instead of 5, for that post.

So he has five nights a week when he's doing what, exactly? Sitting indoors with him mum and dad, saving his money to buy him and the OP and her son a house?

Or going out and being like most other 24 year olds, because he doesn't have a child at home to worry about? I think he's fallen into a cosy routine of FWB sex and a home from home when he wants it, with the OP, but I don't see him making a proper commitment. I wouldn't be surprised if he's living the life of a single bloke while she's at home on her own five nights a week.

What’s his relationship like with his mum? Sounds a bit co dependent between them to me

This.

I think that is highly problematic though. Unless she got pregnant with another man’s baby when dating their son - while block her?

He's 24 !!! and only usually sees you 2 nights a week ? do you mean weeknights i.e. Mon-Fri or in a whole 7 day week ?

What does he do the other 5 evenings...

and he was even younger when you got pregnant.

The OP clarified that they blocked her when she became pregnant and before the miscarriage. They may have been particularly upset because he was so young (given that he's only 24 now).

You've misread, he's with the OP 2 nights only, not away from her for 2 nights,

What is the backstory behind them blocking you after the miscarriage? And why/how is he being a dick lately?

Is that all? I'd had visions of you both being at least 30. How old are you?

To be fair, most 24 year olds still live at home and can't afford to do otherwise. I suppose it's a good thing that he hasn't moved in with you and your son full time, given how young he still is. And I guess this explains his mum's lesss than thrilled reaction to you getting unexpectedly pregnant, if he was only 21 or so when it happened and you'd already had a child with someone else.

Does he go out much with friends on the two evenings a week when he's not with you? I am sensing he's not ready for a commitment and might be treating you more like a long term FWB than a serious partner. Especially as you still don't spend any time with his family, after four years.

Also you say him being a “bit of a dick” is not relevant but it really is to look at the collective of his behaviour towards you.

Please would you put into context - what's the monumental dickishness about? It's just enough of a drip feed to stop me giving an opinion on what you've said.

@pinkerline Bless you, OP. If you were my daughter I would be urging you to chuck this one back into the sea. Can you truly imagine being part of a family that block you because you had a miscarriage? Think on that, please. It would not be good for your mental health and self esteem in the long run. And think of the message it is giving your son about how to treat women. You are worth way more than this. Think of the past 4 years as a lesson in how you do NOT want to end up for the rest of your life. Wishing you all the very best.

That’s pretty shitty too though. Even worse. Why do you want to be with him / in this “relationship” where after 4 years you only get to see him 2 days a week?