Boyfriend cancelled to spend time with his mum

I am beginning to think that none of these posters have read the whole thread.

The question is - did he really stay in with Mum that evening or was it an excuse.
if it was an excuse - why...

A 4 year relationship and they ' usually ' see each other twice a week...

it's not a ldr either.

Seriously ?

He live with his Mum. He sees her every day, in the morning before she goes to work and in the evening when he gets home. Then during the evening presumably the 5 nights a week he doesn't see the OP.

So that would be "one night" that his Mum doesn't spend the evening with him, as opposed the the (now) 6 nights the OP doesn't spend the evening with him.

I don't think it is the OP who needs to 'get over herself'.

I'm not advocating for abandoning the old lady

What old lady ?
His Mum is 55 and works full time and I'm pretty sure the OP would have mentioned if she had some chronic condition or disability that meant she couldn't be left for 3 or 4 hours.

He lives with his mother. He's with her every day. He gave OP all of two hours of yesterday, and now claims he needs not to leave his mum alone again.

The woman is 55 and holds down a job. I is be very surprised if she can't manage another two hours on her own.

It's not lovely or caring for a grown adult to give their partner of four years just two hours of his time a week, while giving his mum every day.

And OP is selfish for wanting to have more than two hours a week of her partner's time, when they've been together for four years?

Are you serious? That’s a lovely thing for him to do. Shows his caring nature. You should be supporting him. I think you’re being very selfish.

What a sensitive and thoughtful chap. Also, you don’t know, I am guessing, whether his mum has any issues such as anxiety, a physical condition, where it may be a bit of a worry to leave her alone.

That's all well and good while he's a boyfriend but what about when he becomes a husband? Or a father?

He's a mummy's boy and you need to get your head around the fact that mummy will be a third wheel in the relationship. Then take it from there.

I'm not advocating for abandoning the old lady, but to drop everything at a moment's notice is not on.

Run.

Maybe some time apart would be a good thing then.

You said you have a son…Think how ridiculous you sound. Maybe his mum doesn’t like being alone. It’s one night. Get over yourself.

And how well will that work when his family don't speak to you'?

And please don't move into his house

So the family hate you for getting pregnant but he is much loved yet did half of the baby making. He should have covered it up if it’s such a big deal. Losing a baby is hard enough without family drama.

if his mum can’t spend one night alone while husband is away then what will happen if you live together? Will he disappear every time?

after 4 years he could have saved loads for a house but he has chosen to go on holidays etc which is fine but he will be living at home for ages.

you deserve someone who will put you first

You say he's a dick, you usually spend 2 nights a week. He's living at home saving for a deposit. But manages to go wherever and do want he wants.
He used his mum as an excuse not to stay over.
He has you where he wants, handy for a few nights a week. But lives his best life 5 nights.
His family doesn't sound very nice.
Your young 24, with a beautiful child. Do what's right for you and leave him. He's holding you back.
You've your whole life ahead of you, and I bet there's someone just right for you, who will adore you.
You sound lovely, but don't let this dickhead control your life.
Best of luck x

I’m a mum of an adult son who now lives at home.

If my husband was away for work and my son was out with girlfriend two nights in a row that would be heaven as I never get any time to myself any more.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable and I’d say this is a massive red flag that you will never the woman he puts first in his life.

The caveat to this would be if his mum had any health problems that mean she needs the support but if she is a fairly normal adult who I’m assuming is not that old then why does he need to be there?

EDIT just read your updates, his mum is 55 works full time, he’s 24, you’ve been together 4 years and nearly had a child together but you don’t really know his mum and you only see him a couple of times a week? WTF. What is the point of being in a relationship with him?

You're lucky to have found a man that cares so much for his parents.
Says a lot about him 💙

I'm with you OP (and also concerned he's been monumental dxxk). I'm in my 50s with 3 kids. Healthy boundaried adults don't need looking after by their grown children

She's 55. She works full time. He lives with her.

Husband away for a few days and adult son (who's still not flown the nest) at his girlfriend's? She was probably looking forward to having the house to herself, frankly.

Posters need to read ALL before posting.

The mum didn't ask him to stay in.

It was HIS choice and is very clearly an excuse.

He said he wanted to keep her company .

Taking this at face value is perhaps a bit naiive.

What he was doing was using his mum as a scapegoat or a red herring (take your pick) because he didn't want to see the OP. Maybe he was seeing someone else instead.

In either case, he's only 24 and after 4 years together and nothing really moving forwards, this is not looking like a serious relationship.

Again, why is a man spending an evening with his mother indicative of “enmeshment issues” and a “mummy’s boy”? “Mummy’s boy” is so sexist btw - gender shaming.

The boyfriend sounds like he’s either got enmeshment issues (unhealthy dynamic) with his mother (and we’ve all seen threads on mummy’s boys on here) or is making excuses. Either way, he sounds like he still needs to grow up. I don’t think he’s a good prospect for OP to continue on with, as it reads like he’s acting as if he’s single/FWB with OP (and after 4 years, that’s an especially bad sign).

I think the most important word in all your posts is this one:

Boyfriend.

This is a boy. Not a man. He's only 24 and lives with his parents. He has a lot of maturing to do.

He's a friend with benefits. You don't spend much time together, live together.

I would bet his family are clinging on to him, keeping him emotionally dependent and childlike.

He lives with her and has time with her every day .
This time he cancelled a date to stay with her.

It was an excuse.

He'd rather watch a film than see the OP.

You're making rather a jump , asking why sons can't spend quality time with their mums, without considering the context here.

If I was his mum and knew he was cancelling a planned date with@pinkerline I'd tell him to fulfil that promise to her.

Yeh that’s a fair enough point, but just because they live together doesn’t mean they necessarily actually spend that much time together. Maybe mum’s DH being away means they have a rare chance to spend and evening just the two of them?

To me it sounds like the broader issues in the relationship are that it’s been 4 years and OP maybe wants more than what the boyfriend is wanting to give? I don’t personally think that there are any rules about how much time you spend with a gf/ bf or a timescale for things - it depends what each couple is happy with. OP and Boyf don’t live together (and DC isn’t shared) , so I wouldn’t really class that as a “partner”- it’s more a dating relationship , in which case one or twice a week hanging out sounds normal- but sounds like after all this time OP wants more? Fair enough, but I think the mother thing is a distraction here and not the actual issue..

He already lives with his mother and spends 5 nights per week away from the OP. That sounds like more than enough time spent with his mother to be honest.

After a 4 year relationship, it should be the other way around. Just spending a couple of nights per week with his mother is more than enough, with the rest of the time spent with his girlfriend!

BECAUSE HE LIVES WITH HIS MOTHER! He sees her every day, he cancelled a pre-planned date with his girlfriend to spend time with his mother...WHO HE LIVES WITH!