Asking parents to refinance home for him?!

Do you want to be with this person. Selfish. Useless with money. Says it all. Not up to you. Maybe his parents are thinking he will inherit it all one day anyway......so why not some mow. That's the big sell of equity release....
Best leave and leave them to it....

Ugh, he really doesn’t sound nice op. I’d be letting this one go I think, he is showing you his true colours.

He seems to think getting another job is beneath him.

that alone would give me the Ick. Run before he manages to get loans in your name fraudulently.

I agree with PP's that this is sailing close to elder abuse, as they could potentially become homeless. This isn't scaremongering, my Dad knows someone who lost her house due to her son's financial mess. She's now renting a small retirement flat and will never own her own home again.

I would end the relationship, OP, you're seeing what he's really like. Someone who'll risk his parents' security like this isn't a person whom you want in your life.

He sounds like a catch.

He’s hinted that it would be good of me to lend him some cash until they get the money to him

I'll bet he has though it was very sensible of you to refuse and not to move him in with you

So you have a boyfriend who:
Has a family full of financial incontinents
Has a child already he "can't" pay for, though he can still spend on himself
Is self employed (red flags there when it comes to maintenance)
Waited 18 months to come clean about the debt
Feels it's beneath him to get another job to tide him over
... and thinks it's up to you to sub him

In the bin he goes ...

I once borrowed a large sum from my mum, I mean tens of thousands, to pay off debt, but I did then make all the repayments for about 5 years afterwards and paid off everything. He doesn't seem like he would do this, if I were them I would not do it myself.

Run like the wind. This man sounds awful.
You haven't mentioned how he got into this 'pickle'. To owe what sounds like huge amounts of money I would be worried he was hiding a gambling problem or something like that. Either way, not to be trusted.

Unless you've seen evidence about these payments he's expecting, I'd be very dubious about how true that is too.

Run away as fast as you can! What's the alternative - that you move in with him in future and your credit file gets tied to him? I'd also let this slip to a sibling - his parents are at major risk of being left high, dry and homeless in their old age, once this money slips through his fingers like all the rest.

This man's only concern is to maintain the illusion that he is wealthy and successful, he will sacrifice all those around him in order to do this.

Ooh no I wouldn't like this! The only time I'd ever ask something like this of my parents (not that I could anyway as they rent and are on pension credit 😅) would possibly be in a literal life or death scenario, eg for life saving treatment not available on the NHS etc, and even then only if I knew I could pay it back.

Asking to be bailed out because of poor financial decisions (which look likely to continue...) is just pathetic. I'd lose all respect and dump him tbh.

I agree with @Maurepas , you are minimizing OP, you're not acknowledging the gravity of this man's behavior. He's not in a bit of a pickle, he's a complete disaster and he doesn't care who he takes down with him.
I hope you don't get drawn in OP

This isn’t just a red flag, it’s bunting !! Asking his parents to take out equity on the home they’ve bought and paid for, to pay his debts with no guarantee of being paid back ? He should be ashamed. The compound interest on the equity released starts building up from day one, so at some point they will owe a lot more than they borrowed - and there is always a clause in the agreement that basically means if the repayable loan outstrips the equity remaining, you will end up paying rent to live in your own home. If he does manage to pay the money back and his parents want to repay their loan, I hope he’s also prepared to pay the interest on it and any fees they incur for settling early. I also hope they’ve researched equity release and know exactly what the consequences could be. I would throw him back based on this, he sounds reckless.

Dear Rose and Rainbows - you have used the word ''pickle'' more than once to describe your DP's finances and his plans to pay off the debt. The words you should be using are ''total disaster for everyone'' - his parents, his ex and his children and potentially his siblings because he is putting his parents into very bad debt. Equity Release has a very bad reputation in many cases and the interest rates are high - some are even compound interest. Is your DP on drugs? Seems he has lost touch with the real world.

Saw an AIBU recently that advised the poster to never finance someone out of a bad financial decision position because you'll never see that money again.

If those parents bail him, they won't see that money again. He needs to find his own way out that hole.

I don't know what you want for your future, but remember that you'll never meet Mr Right when you're tangled up with Mr Wrong.

Dump him.

Nice bloke willing to throw his parents under the bus rather than his ego admit defeat

You sound like a normal, lovely person, OP.

Your boyfriend does not and that's putting it mildly!

A man who is so irresponsible, who makes such poor life decisions and is willing to damage the financial security of his (presumably) elderly parents is not worth hanging onto.

There are so many better men out there. You deserve a partner, not a leech.

Its equity release so I know they will be able to get it through but the repayments and long term cost involved will be horrendous.

I hope they have had independent advice, not for one of the companies who peddle equity release as the universal panacea, but from someone who can tell them exactly what they are letting themselves in for. Sounds like they've bred a nest of grasping vipers if his siblings are as greedy as he is.

It's awful that he did that. This is his mess, he should declare himself bankrupt. His poor parents probably felt duty bound to agree, but he shouldn't have put them in that position.

So he'd rather go on spending money he doesn't have to keep up the appearance of being successful, no CM, no paying his debts, just front. Dump and run Op, the man is morally bankrupt

Walk away. Don’t look back.
Very nearly had someone similar in my family. Trust me, it won’t end well.

Oh my God, glad you have the ick. I would seriously have a word with the parents on the way out of the door though (maybe not the siblings as they may start a financial feeding frenzy on their vulnerable parents if they're as bad). What a deplorable specimen. His poor kids too.

I'm guessing by your post he also intends to keep up the lavish lifestyle to save face and drain his parents dry even further, whilst leaving his kids without. 🤮

In response to pp re equity release, his parents won’t even be able to move to eg a bungalow if they need to, they won’t be able to afford that either. He sounds like utter SCUM to me!