Asking parents to refinance home for him?!

Why on Earth are you entertaining this person let alone allowing access to your nether regions?

I would lose respect for someone who did this and I would go as far as to warenhuis parents that this is a very big risk and should only do so if they are prepared to be severely financially disadvantaged. He’s probably sold it as a temporary cash flow problem when actually it’s poor money management.

@RosesandRainbows after you dump him. I would let the mother of the children know that he has come into money.

Bigger red flag to me is him having children and not paying maintenance. You don't need someone like this in your life, run fast

Ugh.

Dump him - and somehow drop them a line telling them not to do it, that he's taking them for a ride and he will never pay it back.

They almost certainly won't listen but your conscience is then clear, you've done what you reasonably can do.

If any of my children are reading this: FORGET IT.

YANBU OP.

This is incredibly selfish of him and in your shoes I'd be walking away. He could lose his parents their HOME! He needs to call his creditors and declare his finances and ask for breathing space to sort out the money he is owed.

He sounds awful

Find a new fella op

What's madness is that you are still with him.

This actually makes me feel sick. I'd be finishing it immediately. There is no future with someone like this.

Please dump this man. He is just awful thinking he could do that to his parents. Disgusting in fact. So he's given you some pretty obvious red flags now, it's up to you whether to be with him. You deserve much better and I'm glad you are thinking of leaving.

You really need to talk to his parents.

I would be notifying his siblings straight away, they will raise hell with the parents and he won't get his money.

The mental health excuse I don't like. It should be worse for his mental health to ask his elderly parents to remortgage his home. If he really is getting his shit together, it'll only be temporary anyway.

Equity release won't mean that his parents lose their house, what it means is that when the parents pass away the other siblings will realize that there is no equity in the house at all and their brother has made off with it all.
I have a relative whose brother conned her out of her inheritance, he persuaded their father to do equity release on the property and when the parents were both deceased it came to light that there was no equity left. Her brother had had it all some years earlier.

One way to find out if he's a complete loser as opposed to just financially crap is to offer to go with him or call StepChange or Christians against Poverty (I can't remember its name) which will help him with the various options, it might be better to enter an IVA or some type of debt management program than do this. If he won't do this then yes, he is a user.

Please dump this loser.

I feel so sorry for his parents. No idea who they are but they're about to throw away their security in retirement.

If we’re talking equity release then I would say his parents are mad, even if he does pay it back it could eventually be costing them a whole lot more. If they are just re-mortgaging I’d say that’s a different matter. What would happen if they don’t give/lend him the money? What’s the very worst that could happen?

if h3 doesn’t pay his rent can you put him for a while?

The thing about being a parent is that we wan5 to help our children when they run into problems. I’ve lent my kids a lot of money on occasion but it’s always been paid back and it’s always been money I can afford to lose I.e. out of my savings.

At the same time, our children will never learn if we keep bailing them out and I would never ever lend money I didn’t have.

This would make me feel sick. And I'd have said goodbye the moment I realised that he was serious. It's simply appalling and someone needs to stop his parents from doing this.

If you're going to end this relationship anyway, your grand finale should be to try to stop them. It won't matter what they think of you at that point. But you could save them from losing their home.

So he’s

ripping off his ex wife, by expecting her to do 100% of the parenting and the child maintenance

ripping off his own child, by not paying child support

ripping off his parents , by putting them at risk of losing their house and losing their life savings

ripping off his siblings, by taking all the family assets

He sounds like a great catch @RosesandRainbows . is there some reason you’ve not dumped him already ?

DO not mix your finances with this man at any time! Might be time to decide you aren't really compatible - your values are very much at odds here. I would NEVER do that to my parents.

Is it time to reassess whether this is someone you have a future with? That sounds awful but he seems terrible at managing money and making good decisions.

Agree with everyone else. Think it's best to end things with him.

I could understand the parents doing equity release if their adult child was struggling for reasons out of their control (i.e. disabled or had to give up work to care for a disabled child) and especially if it was to buy a vulnerable adult DC a home.

However, it sounds like your boyfriend is simply being irresponsible with money - to portray an expensive lifestyle.

Bad enough when no children but he's got a child he should be prioritising. And his parents money is just going to go on his rent (rather buying somewhere and being used for his CMS payments) so the money will run out and then both he and his parents will be at housing and financial risk.

Of course getting another job is beneath him. My ex used to call people (including me) that worked hard including overtime "sheep". Guess which one out of the two of us has a career and a home?

He will never come good OP. He won't pay for his own DC (like my ex) but can pay to impress his mates or strangers. And he would see his own parents homeless or for you to go without to fund it.

Leave him to it. Concentrate on you.