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AIBU?

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Neighbour is a Tw** …

109 replies

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 11:14

Just as the title says really!

It all started off amicably, helping each other put the Xmas lights up, polite hello’s and invited round for a play date (children the same age but with different childminders) and then it all went quiet from them. We suspect it’s because one evening in summer at around 8pm we had friends over for a BBQ - very quiet no music or overly loud chatting however their child had been screaming in the garden for 3 hours straight (regular occurrence) and one of our friends said gosh she goes on a lot! He said it in heat but he did have a point, not once does the mum
ever take the child in or try to get the little one to keep it down other than just saying stop it then doing literally nothing to enforce that. I suspect she heard it as our garden fences literally touch and their seating area is against the fence as is ours. We kept smiling saying hi when seeing them it just turnt awkward after this point. She knew it wasn’t us that said this as our friend has a distinctive accent (and also lives on the same road so she knows him).

Nothing has actually happened yet she’s taken this sudden and huge disliking to me and my family, avoiding eye contact or ignoring us if she does see us, which is fine she can do what she likes but I’m finding it very petty and unnecessary. The first thing we thought was odd was, whenever they go on holiday they say feel free to use our drive as we have a work car each and a family car, we only have a car park space for 1 so often park on the road, whereas they have one of the new build tarmac style drives which is in between our house and theirs. They didn’t say that thus time and asked another couple 4 doors down if they wanted to use it. Fine that’s her choice but just seemed odd, the other couple had enough space on their own drive, just seemed so we wouldn’t use it for parking (not that we would’ve without permission!!) then sudd let 3 cameras were put outside their house, one pointing almost towards our house. Then fast forward a month later the only time my partner had ver done it, he had parked out the front. Of our house, rather than go down to the end of the road where it’s very awkward to turn, he reversed literally just the back wheels onto the start of their drive, there was no cars whatsoever on it, she happened to drive towards us as he did it and she went mental shaking her head saying no do not do not ever reverse on my drive without permission how dare you! And wagging her finger at us. He obviously said okay sorry and drove off. Ever since she will not look at us! We had a parcel left by DPD yesterday down the side of their drive, the courier obviously mistook it for our drive as their garage is attached to both houses and within an hour later there was a big sign saying this is not property of number 38, it’s 36. Just all seems ridiculous!

Just so so strange how people act nowadays to neighbours. I don’t expect to be best friends but politeness costs nothing.

AIBU thinking a bit of manners are needed?

OP posts:
SparkyBlue · 18/09/2024 11:30

Fluffywalrus · 17/09/2024 14:54

Is there any chance they could be going through a stressful time or the child could have additional needs?

I ask because I am no longer friendly with one of my parents' neighbours because she complained about noise when my dad was dying. It wouldn't have been a big deal any other time / situation but it was the worst time of our lives and she made it that bit harder so I'm no longer willing to be friendly / do small talk.

I guess what I'm saying is when people are going through a hard time they usually are more sensitive to these kind of things.

This. I was probably the odd neighbour in my situation as my neighbour was trying to push friendship with our DC but one of mine had just been diagnosed with additional needs and wasn't getting on well in school and was difficult to handle and I was honestly stressed. I probably took offence at every little thing

Fluffywalrus · 17/09/2024 22:40

Poppins21 · 17/09/2024 21:44

Why would you defend the neighbour?

Well if I wanted to stay on good terms with them and they were within earshot I would!

Poppins21 · 17/09/2024 21:44

Fluffywalrus · 17/09/2024 14:25

I think if it had been me I would have challenged the friend and said something in defence of the child / family.

If your neighbour only heard silence after your friend's remark then in a way its similar to you making that comment about her child yourself.

Why would you defend the neighbour?

Poppins21 · 17/09/2024 21:38

alpacachino · 17/09/2024 12:19

You should have said something like "oi don't be so rude or I won't have you round again". That way your neighbour knows you disagree

Why would she disagree? I would be bloody annoyed living next door to that amount of noise and the parents doing nothing.

Witchymclovely · 17/09/2024 20:53

She’s definitely a twat. I have a pair of twats living nextdoor to me. Screaming kids, controlling and paranoid behaviour. Started all because my husband asked them to let us know the next time they drill the party wall for hours. They apparently didn’t like his tone. What they don’t like is the fact they can’t control us like they did the previous elderly tenant. They constantly contact our council complaining about us. Some neighbours have no idea how lucky they are.

Puffinlamb23 · 17/09/2024 15:17

Sidebeforeself · 17/09/2024 12:13

Dont minimise what your friend said. You should have dealt with it straightaway . That’s doesn’t excuse her behaviour but don’t pretend you are squeaky clean and its all her wrong doing.

Oh come on! Some people need to get off their high horse about their children. If you're child constantly screams they're a wee shit who needs told to be quiet (SEN being the exception). Parents who don't do this can't be offended when other people comment. It's awful to listen to.

HeliotropePJs · 17/09/2024 15:06

The screaming child would annoy me more than being ignored, to be honest. If you're worried about the situation, you could put a note through asking if anything's wrong. Personally, I'd just stop bothering with her. Go about your life as though she weren't there, if she's ignoring your smiles and pleasantries. There's no reason you have to smile and speak to one another simply because you live next door. There are other neighbours you can be friendly with, instead, so it's not as though they're your only option for the things you'd ordinarily need a neighbour for.

Fluffywalrus · 17/09/2024 14:54

Is there any chance they could be going through a stressful time or the child could have additional needs?

I ask because I am no longer friendly with one of my parents' neighbours because she complained about noise when my dad was dying. It wouldn't have been a big deal any other time / situation but it was the worst time of our lives and she made it that bit harder so I'm no longer willing to be friendly / do small talk.

I guess what I'm saying is when people are going through a hard time they usually are more sensitive to these kind of things.

Fluffywalrus · 17/09/2024 14:43

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 14:28

This is so overly sensitive

Maybe. But I'd just have done it to avoid offending my neighbour.

She might now think that you talk about her family behind her back.

I don't mean make a huge scene and throw your friend out your house. Just something like "No, she's a lovely kid. Must just be upset about something"

Maybe that's a white lie but I don't know if you can expect for you / your guests to badmouth your neighbour's kids within earshot and then for your neighbours still to be friendly. It's kind of one way or the other.

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 14:28

Fluffywalrus · 17/09/2024 14:25

I think if it had been me I would have challenged the friend and said something in defence of the child / family.

If your neighbour only heard silence after your friend's remark then in a way its similar to you making that comment about her child yourself.

This is so overly sensitive

OP posts:
Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 14:28

Haggia · 17/09/2024 14:21

Good. I think it’s about time you grew a pair, honestly.

I would have yelled “I wish someone would get that noisy kid to shut the hell up” way before now. It would drive me insane. And if the neighbour wanted to retaliate in petty ways, good luck with that 😂Fuck their driveway.

Would be no loss to me whatsoever and I would feel (do feel..) soooo much better.

Fuck their driveway 🤣🤣🤣 don’t tempt me to reverse in it when I go to do the food shop hahah

OP posts:
Fluffywalrus · 17/09/2024 14:25

I think if it had been me I would have challenged the friend and said something in defence of the child / family.

If your neighbour only heard silence after your friend's remark then in a way its similar to you making that comment about her child yourself.

Haggia · 17/09/2024 14:21

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 13:56

Update, I just saw the husband pulling in (my office is at the front of the house I’m not a nosy neighbour before anyone starts 🤣) so I popped out and mentioned the camera positioning. He said he was sorry but his wife put it up and he will go and move it now - result!

Good. I think it’s about time you grew a pair, honestly.

I would have yelled “I wish someone would get that noisy kid to shut the hell up” way before now. It would drive me insane. And if the neighbour wanted to retaliate in petty ways, good luck with that 😂Fuck their driveway.

Would be no loss to me whatsoever and I would feel (do feel..) soooo much better.

Sidebeforeself · 17/09/2024 14:11

Trying to redeem an awkward situation it is hardly “being responsible for another adult”.Anyway , neighbour is clearly irritating OP so its not going to improve

Bloom15 · 17/09/2024 14:02

Sidebeforeself · 17/09/2024 12:13

Dont minimise what your friend said. You should have dealt with it straightaway . That’s doesn’t excuse her behaviour but don’t pretend you are squeaky clean and its all her wrong doing.

Why should OP be responsible for another adult?!

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 13:56

Update, I just saw the husband pulling in (my office is at the front of the house I’m not a nosy neighbour before anyone starts 🤣) so I popped out and mentioned the camera positioning. He said he was sorry but his wife put it up and he will go and move it now - result!

OP posts:
Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 13:54

Sinisterdexter · 17/09/2024 13:33

I wouldn’t worry.
I had a dsil who could take offence at the tiniest remark. Get the husband to turn the camera away from your house and ignore her.
At Christmas put a card through her door with a message of peace and goodwill to all men. 😂

Brilliant 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Sinisterdexter · 17/09/2024 13:33

I wouldn’t worry.
I had a dsil who could take offence at the tiniest remark. Get the husband to turn the camera away from your house and ignore her.
At Christmas put a card through her door with a message of peace and goodwill to all men. 😂

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 13:31

Cherrysoup · 17/09/2024 13:27

Using their drive to reverse, whilst annoying, is not illegal and they can't stop you doing that, tbh. Pointing cameras at your front door is not on and they need to be told so.

Totally my thought process

OP posts:
Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 13:31

Poachedeggs1 · 17/09/2024 13:28

This seems like a complete overreaction in my opinion. People are so offended these days. If my neighbours friend made a comment (which I personally don’t think was that bad) I would just ignore it. I would also deal with my child and ask them to stop screaming. Not “squeaky clean”, give over 🙄

Thank you!! Too many softies nowadays x

OP posts:
Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 13:31

baileys6904 · 17/09/2024 13:24

Thing is, you never know what people are dealing with behind closed doors. A seemingly harmless comment could really hit hard if the child's terminally I'll, or undergoing assessment for special needs or whatever. My niece started her health journey complaining of a sore arm. She finished it with terminal cancer aged 4 years old.

Our children are sacred, we allow few people to sya a bad word without it raising hackles. I assume you made some of noise, or agreement or laughter after your friend said something. The fact you didn't try and put things right has sealed the deal. I'm not saying you've particularly done something wrong, more they may have more on their plate that you know about. It may be worth trying to make amends for sake of the unknown and being neighbours. Being kind, but for nothing going on is much better thank not being kind when there is something going on

I’m sorry to hear about your niece, I hope she is well now x

I do take your view point on board completely, however this mum is the type to post her little darling all over Facebook saying how well she’s doing how clever she is how advanced she is, post their every single day out and meal. If something was wrong I am sure she would post it. She averages 6 posts a day on Facebook!

OP posts:
Poachedeggs1 · 17/09/2024 13:28

Sidebeforeself · 17/09/2024 12:13

Dont minimise what your friend said. You should have dealt with it straightaway . That’s doesn’t excuse her behaviour but don’t pretend you are squeaky clean and its all her wrong doing.

This seems like a complete overreaction in my opinion. People are so offended these days. If my neighbours friend made a comment (which I personally don’t think was that bad) I would just ignore it. I would also deal with my child and ask them to stop screaming. Not “squeaky clean”, give over 🙄

Cherrysoup · 17/09/2024 13:27

Using their drive to reverse, whilst annoying, is not illegal and they can't stop you doing that, tbh. Pointing cameras at your front door is not on and they need to be told so.

Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 13:27

Richard1985 · 17/09/2024 13:09

"we have a work car each and a family car, we only have a car park space for 1 so often park on the road"

I'm surprised anybody likes you😂 in my experience, nothing winds up neighbours more than this

It normally winds up pathetic people with nothing better to do than moan, unfortunately we can’t help that we only have one parking space and many other houses on our street do the same.

OP posts:
Fulltimemamabear · 17/09/2024 13:25

Bollihobs · 17/09/2024 12:56

Turned - the word is Turned, you may well pronounce* *it "turnt" but FFS don't write it like that.

Oh piss off 🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP posts: