Neighbour is a Tw** …

Honestly. Sounds to me more like its the fact you had friends over and didn't invite them to the barbecue and then on top of that comments were made about the child. Someone has already said this but its probably compounding.

Jeez, i'd have said a lot worse if a kid was screeching all evening. Have to consider others around you.

They do sound like twats and I'm sure anybody else would have said the same, or a lot worse, had they been in the same situation, trying to enjoy time out in the garden with the neighbours kid crying incessantly and the parents doing fuck all about it. Your friend just said gosh she goes on a lot, that's nothing, after 3 hours I would have asked to shut that kid up already. I think your best bet is to just ignore them and get on with your life, if someone is going to get that upset over nothing, you are more than likely going to piss off her delicate sensibilities for something else in the near future anyway.

Twat. I should point out that I only answered this because I just love typing that word. It’s cathartic !!

It is an awful word. Means a woman's genitalia. Equal to the C... Word

It would be useful to hear the neighbours version of events, as somewhere in the middle is the truth & there's more to this than meets the eye (reading between the lines).
I don't think she's a twat - I'd say it sounds like the neighbours laughing & talking about her behind her back are the ones being twats!
It seems obvious she was in a huff about not being invited to the BBQ & also sounds a rather sensitive person who lets things get to her (why wasn't she invited? Had the animosity already started before then?) & it sounds like she's made allies with the 'neutral' neighbours.
Grow a pair & have a civilised adult conversation with her to find out what's really bugging her perhaps!
I don't envy you though to be going through this! Hope things can be smoothed out between you all xx

You were rude about her child who was being a child! Yet you want her to be nice? Regardless of whether it was a guest or yourself you didn't say anything in her defense. So you clearly agreed.
Also you say it wasn't a loud party yet you also say they could hear the conversation so which was it quiet so they couldn't hear you or lots enough that they could?
And the way you talk about her parenting and her child you clearly didn't like her in the first place; so why do you care if she doesn't like you?

@SerafinasGoose I think the neighbour is probably upset that OP didn't defend her.

My thoughts? Fuck her. Fuck them. Have another party

I agree, she sounds like a total twat OP. Who leaves their 3 year old outside screaming for hours when their neighbours are having a get together?

Are you sure it’s about the comment, not about them not being invited?

it seems like her feelings have been hurt, but most adults can regulate their emotions and bounce back from hurt feelings! Her reaction is way over the top and frankly bizarre.

I don’t know what I’d recommend doing, but yeah… just to validate… it’s not you it’s her!

Did you not think the fact you were outside may have been why she was up late ? Does her room back onto garden ? People are always noisier than you think you are when alcohol is involved

Sorry if this has already been suggested but could the issue actually be that the other neighbour was at a bbq in your garden and they weren't invited, rather than the comment about their child? They seem to agree about the child being noisy anyway as they repeatedly told them off themselves. I think you said you were friends up to that point? Could be just really miffed to be excluded from a neighbourhood bbq? As others have said, maybe take a deep breath and ask?

We slightly reversed onto our neighbours' drive ONCE (the road was very narrow) and they installed bollards 🤣🤣🤣 People are just a bit odd, I think.

However, re: the kid. I have that kid. He's seven, and he fully stands there and tells me he's gonna scream the house down unless I give him what he wants, usually after he's woken in the middle of the night, so this can be 2am in the morning. Give me cereal or I'll continue screaming. Can you imagine? 🫠 It's really embarrassing, and people always, always assume he behaves that way because of something I'm doing (or not doing) as the case may be. So you feel very judged and, yes, overly sensitive in anticipation of being judged. If the whole street is already talking about her, she's probably feeling very isolated and desperate, which is now making her petty.

OP, I'd go knock on her door with a bottle of wine. You don't need to do that. It's not your responsibility. But what a neighbour you'd be if you did. The only one not slagging her off behind her back. Might be the start of a lovely friendship!

I think I'd be pretty relieved that I'd found out she was an absolute petty lunatic before getting any further enmeshed in their lives!

Its a lot harder to deal with a twatty neighbour when they're your 'friend' and drag you into their petty lunacy!

I'd personally just ask what their problem was..

End of the day it wasn't you who said it about there child lol

I would vote that you are unreasonable but only because you said “He said it in heat but he did have a point, not once does the mum
ever take the child in or try to get the little one to keep it down …” and I don’t see why all the parenting should be on the mother. Presumably the child has a father too?

Anyway, equal parenting aside, and as others have noted, you are not friends anymore. Either accept it and move on, or go over and have a grown up chat about it.

I mean if you're going to leave your child to scream outside for 3 hours straight subjecting all your neighbours to your child's terrible behaviour that you dont even try to correct then I'm not sure what she expects because my guests would of said worse

Tell your kids to give one a poke through the fence that should stop the noise! Failing that a bucket of cold water or a water gun would also suffice.
As to neighbours if you're planning on staying in that house for a long time I would either confront her and be polite but assertive ie I am wondering why your mood is sour with me have I done something to upset you?. The other option is ignore her.
Have you thought it could also be a bit of jealousy that you're friends with your neighbours whilst it almost sounds like she is not liked.

My next door neighbour's kids scream and shout morning, noon and night. I hear them through the walls. And in the garden it's worse as there is no bricks to vaguely muffle it. They also scream at my children, shouting their names over and over which my kids find as annoying as i do. No one has ever said anything in the moment like your friend, although many have commented on it under their breath so neighbours can't hear. BUT once when my neighbour said "oh my children can be loud at times" I said - very calmly - I know and I hear them 24/7. She was genuinely shocked and offended. We carried on chatting and all was fine. But since then she's distanced herself. Do I care? Not really. It's all civil but we parent differently and I just tell my kids to ignore her kids screaming through gaps in the fence. Not sure what my point is, beyond you're not alone. Some people either don't realise or care how loud their kids are! The camera thing is weird though and I'd tell them so

Nowt as queer as folk!

But they are acting like that... so...

People who take offence and harbour grievance can continue to fester on things until everything is blown out of proportion and living there will become really problematic . Speak to her, ask her what is the problem between you.

If it is the remark made by your friend, then ask her why that should affect relations between you and her. Put her on the spot to explain.

If you are concerned enough to post here, then the answer lies with you regarding trying to resolve it.

If she continues in this behaviour afterwards, you have accept it and get on with it

@Fulltimemamabear Can you amend that post, get it removed or something? The poster said her niece was diagnosed with terminal cancer aged 4, so no, she isn't going to be well now.

This could be it! Never thought from that point of view. Op I think this is more likely

It's true...I get mad if somebody has the cheek to park in "my" space in the public car park outside my office. 😆😆