To make a new male dad friend

Your husband is being paranoid and I'd find his response super insulting. What will you be doing at the farm with two kids that's untoward? Roll around in the hay in front of everyone? It's absurd.

If he thinks he can lay a blanket rule down then that you can't be friends with men then that's incredibly controlling.

And yes my DH was a SAHD and he banned from the baby group and no women would be friends with him. Fortunately he had another Dad to hang around with who was really cool, but it's a terribly retrograde state of affairs.

I imagine she'd have to be bisexual for that to apply here.

I think in an ideal world he wouldn't be bothered, but he is and I would respect that.

He might be picking up on the fact you find the single dad attractive? That's the impression I get at least. I'm not sure you're aware of it even. If you were single would you be interested in this man?

Your husband, and a lot of the replies on here are utterly ridiculous.

I have a couple of Dad friends who I regularly meet up with for play dates with my son. My husband is pleased that I’m developing my sons social life, and doesn’t assume that I’m going to be jumping into bed with them just because they are men.

Does your husband forbid you from meeting women as well, in case they are lesbian?

What a depressing post. ‘Decent propriety’? No wonder so many Mners are so lonely if they discount half the human race as friends because their marriages are so awful they can only cope with them by avoiding men other than their DHs for the rest of their lives in case they happen to encounter someone who isn’t a wanker and who makes them realise non-wankers exist?

This! It's different when a few moms go to soft play with their kids and one girls dad happen to also come.
And then the dad is regularly included.
Or you getting your friend weekly.
John and I are going to the zoo, to the this to the that. Doesn't have the same thing to it as. Mary Susan John and I

I really think it's naive to think there is no consequences to regularly meeting up with a male friend . Just the 2 of you.
Similarly, yes obviously a husband has work trips with female colleagues but they shouldn't go out for drinks afterwards or spend regular time alone (or with kids, alone meaning no other adults)
Because then you start chatting about life and unpacking your stress and oh my goodness she just listens Soo much better than my wife and makes me feel good about myself
Wife is nagging when I get home, there is kids and bills whereas with Fiona from work it's just all roses! That's how emotional affairs start. No one looks for them. It just happens because of the contracts between the home life and the ease of this new friendship
Before long you rather discuss things with this dad( or Fiona) than your dh ( or dw)
Especially if your marriage hits a rough patch.
I honestly understand our divorce rates if I read mumsnet.
People don't respect , protect and cherish their marriages anymore. In the name of equality ( it's the same whether you meet a male or female for coffee) we are just letting go of decent propriety.
So y'all are telling me there is no foreseeable consequences of weekly meetups with a single man for op?
I'm not even talking about sex I'm talking about the emotional connection that forms and the inevitable comparing of your spouse to the friend.
Thoughts easily go to ' john actually listens to what I say, he never interrupts, he does xyz' of only dh would understand!
Obv not saying this is how every friendship goes but 0% of emotional or physical affairs start without spending time with the person. If it were me, I'd protect the marriage I have and not spend significants amount of time bonding over shared parental experiences with another (single might I add) male.
Bit sure go ahead.
Just don't think you're not experimenting with thin ice.

By “deals with “husbands insecurities” do you mean “feeds husbands insecurities”?

I’d be utterly fucking appalled if my husband got funny with me meeting up with another dad for a play date. Your insecurities can rule your life if you want but I won’t let them rule mine and my kids

My dh took parental leave and we have older children too, if I didn’t want him to hang out with women I’d have been sentencing him to a lonely 6 months. He hung out with the mums at pick up and drop off and play dates of course. And I’ve had play dates at my house with the child’s dad bringing them and staying to hang out. We both have male and female friends and do coffees at work with men and women so wouldn’t have had issues with this.

As this meet up is about the 2 children playing together, why not re-arrange a time when your husband can take her rather than you.
Child happy, deals with husband's insecurities, you get time off, sends clear message to single dad that you are married and not interested in anything other than friendship and husband is included.
Future meet ups can then be arranged by husband or as a couple.

Well it's a solo session. Is op meant to sit vigil outside? Sit staring misty eyed at his photo?

Yes they probably were in the pool. Personally I think most people look more attractive clothed. Being in a swimming pool with screeching kids who are a boob flash risk when they try to climb up me, water up my nose and in unforgiving lycra with nowhere to hide the fat bits would not be catching me at my most alluring but whatever floats your boat. Assuming poor behaviour says more about you than the situation I think.

This is simply "Dodgy AF", and given that the husband would be having a solo session at couples counselling, it is also taking the p*ss in grand style.

I also have to wonder if the op and Single Dad were in the pool and thus half naked when they first met?

Based on my friendships, both male and female friends have ‘picked me up’ in an art gallery, a health food shop, a drystone wall volunteer day, and a St Patrick’s Day parade. Numbers were exchanged at first meeting. The (female) friend who ‘picked me up’ at an art gallery where both our kids were doing a children’s art session, offered me a lift home and later the same evening invited me,DH and DS to brunch in her house the next weekend. Some people are just friendly.

Except the kids and parents got on well and they wouldn't necessarily run into each other again.

I bloody hate playdates where I'm scrabbling for small talk and they want to talk about some TV thing I've never watched or something incomprehensible to do with nails or beauty treatments. I'm always over the moon to meet a parent where conversation flows naturally and I wouldn't be weirded out if they wanted my number after 1 meeting. Seeing them again isn't any weirder than striking up conversations with randoms in the first place.

When my eldest was little, my husband did the playgroups etc. when I was at work and it never occurred to me to worry about the other mums that he met. I eventually met them too and we all became friends. Perhaps if they'd been a smoking hot Claudia Schiffler types, I might have been a little uncomfortable but I certainly wouldn't have banned them from hanging out or anything like that

No, it doesn't sound normal - swapping contact details after a few meetings, as most people do, is fine, asking for them after not much more than a few minutes isn't.

What is a normal way of starting a friendship by the way? I must be out of touch. I have close male friends, we manage not to have sex every time we meet up and I honestly couldn't tell you how any of them "picked me up", same for my female friends.

I imagine most of us were doing something we were interested in, spoke to each other, got on well and became friends and at some point exchanged contact details. So no, him "picking her up at a swimming pool" isn't weird is it? It would be weird if he wasn't with his kid at a parent and child swimming lesson, or sitting in a cafe by her house with no drink waiting for her but it sounds like he was just being normal doesn't it?

So because he's a single dad it's not possible he's friendly and wants to facilitate nice playdates for his child? You're right. It must be that he has trained his kid to like playing with the kids of ladies he fancies so he can pick them up. That's the most logical explanation.
Impressive training a child to be that good a wingman, mine wont even go to the loo before a car trip or put on clothes he doesn't like. The lengths these men will go to.

Did your best friend pick you up in a swimming pool though? That's not a normal way of starting a friendship!

He’s never had any female friends and also is the only one of us to cheat in a relationship

And there we have it! The real reason he doesn't want you to meet this man. Because if the situations were reversed he knows what he would do!

Although I am on the fence with this, not sure I'd be too keen on my dh meeting with a single mum. Even though I don't have a DH and am a singe mum!!

Out of interest was it you he cheated on?

My best friend of two decades is male, so I don't normally assume anything untoward in a situation like this.

The only thing that gives me pause though, it's that you're actually seeing this guy and his child during your partners couples counselling session. That's pretty insensitive, I think.

I thought OP said he was single?

I'm more of this view:

Not going on the play date isn't going to cause the OP any harm but going on it could cause harm to the marriage.

and I sense this is why OP is overgging the harm to her, with the angst about slamming the door on her social openness so she'll never have male friends again, so it sounds like he's being way more unreasonable here. I'm all for male friends but in this specific case, it's so much simpler to not follow this one up.

Swapping numbers is a bit over the top after meeting someone in a swimming pool for a few minutes, regardless of how well the children got on. Children tend to make friends instantly virtually anywhere, so there was nothing special there.

As a man it would never occur to me to do that with another man in those circumstances, and I think it fairly likely that most other men would be similar.

I strongly suspect that it would be more than a play date.

@Ivehearditbothways isn't it just? Not allowed to swap numbers with a MAN just in case you fall awkwardly on his penis the next time you meet. With your kids.