To make a new male dad friend

Hence she should not be doing this while her marriage needs repairing.

I go on play dates for the sake of my children. Sometimes it's with a mum. Occasionally it's with a dad. Especially during summer holidays - depends who happens to be off with the kids.

Nothing weird about it but I agree it seems odd to arrange at the time your DH is at couples counselling.

Nice try troll

You may aswell end your relationship as it's very obvious this is where you get your kicks. You love teasing and making your partner jealous by gaslighting him, and THEN when he reacts, you play the victim. Am I being unreasonable? Well yeah! He's ploughing all his energy in trying to make the relationship work while you're trying to plough another guy at a farm somewhere. And don't say you're not curious or attracted to him or else you just wouldn't even entertain the idea - no one would. If the shoe was on the other foot and he did it to you, you would be seething. It's absolutely nothing short of coercive abuse. You'll probably have less than two whole play dates with this dude and you'll be humping like rabbits in the back of one of your cars. Honestly, your partner as every right to get angry because it's most likely something you've done before.

Agreed with this.

Casually chatting if you are the pool at the same time is one thing. Arranging playdates while your marriage is in a wobbly place is quite another.

Would you be ok if your husband was meeting up with a single mum regularly?

People who are ok with their partners having friends of the opposite sex are not naive cool wives/husbands. They just trust their other halves. I cannot fathom being in a relationship with someone where the trust is so low they cannot enjoy a friendship with a member of the opposite sex. Why stay in that kind of situation? If they could cheat with someone they strike up a friendship with they can cheat with anyone. It must be exhausting to live in that headspace.

It might be a parallel op, but you are in the situation you are in, which is that you are embarking on couples counselling and that is a time when rocking the boat further is unhelpful.
He’s made it clear it’s an issue for him and while some of us think it shouldn’t be, I don’t think any of us can’t guess why it might be. It’s slightly different from a collegue as you are hanging out making small talk, which is different from perusing a contract to a deadline or going over figures. But yes: it’s tough on sahds - and their Dc too actually. I guess they rely on rock solid marriages or dh who don’t care - neither of which is your situation.

What a childish notion. Her child is going on a play date with another child. Do you drop your knickers for the parent of every child your kid hangs around with? Because honestly, the suggestion that the mere presence of a man in her vicinity is some kind of betrayal is ridiculous

I know, that is exactly the point I was making. In a healthy relationship this would be normal, so this obviously isn’t a healthy relationship.

This exactly.

Mumsnet is also full of people utterly blindsided by betrayal from someone they ‘100% trusted’. This ‘if you trust them then it doesn’t matter’ shtick is beginning to feel like gaslighting.

Personally I wouldn’t have told him, I just would have gone. It turned it more into a ‘thing’. I occasionally have lunch with an old colleague who is male and lives locally to me. First time I told my partner and he was annoyed and jealous so now I just go and don’t mention it. I know I have no romantic interest in this person at all, he is also happily married. We just chat about our old workplace, mutual friends and our industry. It is completely innocent. You had a good reason too, your kids got on well. Obviously if he started to show an interest in you that was beyond friendship then that would be different.

It’s not a healthy relationship though as they are going for counselling for marital problems, so that’s the whole point.

Trust is, rightly, eroded when one person makes dumb decisions when the marriage is already on the rocks.

Are you in counselling because of a lack of trust? because that's all I'm getting from this, reading between the lines. If your husband can't trust you to meet up with another man who just happens to be the Dad of a child that yours has made friends with, I'm at a loss, what does he think is going to happen on this play date in front of your children?

Affairs and connections don't happen because of purely physical attraction.

I had lots of lovely 'dad friends' previously as there were lots of men at toddler groups I attended. As soon as I seperated from my ex it all stopped almost overnight. Even when I was friends with both in the couple. In fact most couples stopped inviting me places too as I no longer fitted with their social circle.

I'm not sure whether this is because the men were worried about the changing dynamic or their wives. Either way it's really sad. It was them that changed not me - I have absolutely no interest in a new relationship let alone with a married man.

It can be very lonely being a single parent. I think it's sad that your husband wants to control your friendships.

This. Mumsnet is full of people who are just soooo cool about people having friends of the opposite sex. Mumsnet is also full of very distressed women whose husband's have suddenly left for another woman who started off as ' just a friend from work'. My husband would not be impressed and neither would I if he was spending time with another woman. If your marriage is rocky this isn't going to help.

Yes, or invite the new friend over at some point if you continue to like one another and you think he and your DH would get on? We’ve gained some great joint friendships his way, while there are also lots of friends of both sexes that are definitely individual.

My DC has a couple of friends where I always communicate with the dad. Just so happens the dads are both physically not at all attractive so DH doesn’t need to worry

I wouldn't even tell my partner if I'd made a new parent friend, male or female, unless it organically popped up in conversation. I see no reason to ask and it wouldn't even cross my mind. I have so many mom and dad friends, both friends from before I became a parent and new ones since then. Do you have no male friends at all?

Invite your DH along to a play date or whatever you plan?

I think it’s fine as long as you bail out of the situation at any sign the man is interested in you, as opposed to seeing you as his DD’s friend’s mum

Absolutely agree. There is obviously no trust in this relationship. In a healthy relationship, both parties would be able to have whatever friends they want, without the assumption from the other party that there is a sexual motive.

Dh and I both have friends of the opposite sex, I think it's incredibly restrictive to only be allowed friends of the same sex, we are both fine with it. You told him, you've not hidden anything and you're meeting up with your kids ffs, I think your husband sounds insecure and possessive personally. I also don't understand why you asked if it was OK, it sounds like he has been posessive/controlling before, that you felt you had to ask permission? It's normal to have friends of the opposite sex imo,someone telling you it's not is wrong. Maybe ask him to raise it with his counsellor to help him handle his insecurity

I guess it’s fine if it’s just a friendship. No attraction etc. The fact your having couples counselling may mean your dh is more vulnerable than usual? But he wasn’t honest about his feelings. I would hope the other dad hasn’t thought it as more than a play date either. My ex would have gone crazy if I’d done this, but he was jealous of all men who looked in my direction,

No you are not being unreasonable, males and females can be just friends, it's all about trust in a relationship, even if the other person may have more interest then being just friends, if you are loyal to your husband then where is the problem, this single dad may not have many friends with other children, most people feel the same as most of those commenting on here, and as its mainly the mums who are with the children, no one speaks to him, if there is no trust in a relationship, then there is no relationship, when you love someone and trust them 100% then you have a great relationship and you will feel so much better, it's no good saying that you trust someone 100%, I just don't trust the other person, if you trust someone then trust that if an advance was made they would be straight that you are happily with someone. That's the trust part.

That’s sad. My friend and I used to meet up with a SAHD for a while before he went back to work from about the ages of 18 months to 3. He said things were pretty lonely for him. He was living with his partner, they since married. I lost touch with him as he wasn’t really a good friend or anything but he was just a nice guy, whose ds and him needed some company.