To make a new male dad friend

I think there are lots of valid points here, it’s very fair to raise the fact that most people would be rightly horrified if women weren’t “allowed” by their husband to work in a male dominated work place, or allowed to work there but not allowed to go to meetings with a male colleague alone. People should be able to have friendly connections at work, without outrage for their partners.
That said, parenting is a distinctly couple-y thing to do isn’t it? You see people’s love and affection for their child, you recognise how emotionally tough job it is for both of you. It’s not a very romantic “date” maybe but, realistically, it sort of could be, with two mothers it’s quite easy to bond quickly and you can see how the stolen snippets of conversation between supervising the children could make things more exciting if there was attraction there.
In an ideal world I think both parents would work part time and parent part time . Whether the other parents are same or opposite sex shouldn’t matter but I can see why it does. If you add in “going through a tough patch in their relationship” it’s easy to see why people are uncomfortable.

SAHDs need parent friends to talk about nappies and teething and the slog of parenting, just like SAHMs do.

I have male parent friends precisely because I DON’T want to talk about this sort of stuff all the time. Female conversation can get very boring.

My brother was a stay at home dad and was incredibly lonely as none of the mums wanted anything to do with him. It’s sad

For every instance like this I'm sure there are thousands that don't run off...

Yes I think that’s very fair. He does need company and there aren’t many options.

YANBU
I say that as the wife of a dad who did a lot of the stay at home days with both my sons (he was getting a degree at the time). He was very lonely because despite being a friendly outgoing guy the mum's who sent to the same activities and groups as him didn't want to know.
SAHDs need parent friends to talk about nappies and teething and the slog of parenting, just like SAHMs do.

My husband is sahd, our relationship is not in the best place and I get jealous, having said that, I wouldn't care if he swapped numbers with a mum and met up for play dates. In fact, he does do this. I don't know why, I just feel like it's a bit much to expect him to be completely isolated in that role, and most other people in similar circumstances are women...so he doesn't have a huge amount of options.

Sigh. Look, anyone can start an affair any time. A friend fell in love with someone he collided in a doorway with when working overseas for a fortnight and deliberately missed his flight to be in the same building for a day more. He got himself hired for more freelance stints at this workplace over the next two years, and moved out and ended his marriage. Now they’re married.

Another friend had an affair with someone who had a child in a different class at the same school. They first saw one another on the school run.

You can’t stop people having affairs. It’s completely irrelevant to the OP’s situation. The marriage may not survive, but it’s clearly in trouble anyway.

Also, is there projection here as he's cheated in the past?

I think you need to take all of that to Counselling

My husband has a single Mum friend like this. I have a couple of single Dad friends.

I suppose the difference to most other people on this thread, is that we trust each other.

Put it the other way round - oh, she's a single mum, we get on well, am I not allowed to have friends, why are you so controlling ... Heard here many many times from men - who then bugger off.

I'm not surprised he's worried.

You're being very faux naive here.

Well the last line is certainly true.

I think the cinema is actually a bit different.

And actually, thinking about this, when I go to the cinema it’s normally with my DH, my DH and Dc, a group, or occasionally a female friend. That’s already quite a few trips to the cinema in a year without feeling “ curtailed “ by not also going alone with a male friend. I think your social life would need to be quite heavily weighted towards tete a tete trips with other men for it to be “ curtailing.” I mean how often do you go to the cinema?

Sorry - i just meant it as a joke. It was already clear to me you hadn’t tried. Your post ( and then the “ how do you know!” follow up) had made me laugh after you saying you think he’d be shocked, because it conjured up someone making dramatic seduction move and there actually is something faintly absurd when you think about the whole idea that two parents on a kids playdate would start seducing each other; it was more a joke at op’s DH’s expense I guess, because as if anything too lurid could unfold on a play date. But you’re right: it isn’t funny, because in fact longer term these things actually can and do develop.

I’d suggest it is yours that is the odd view. That you can’t meet someone socially just because they happen to be a man. That shows a lack of trust in a marriage.

Going to the cinema alone with someone is quite different to going to a farm with kids, but it's only a date if the people going on it think it is. I'd say it would be safer than a chat in the office, if I'm watching a film I am usually paying attention to that not thinking oooh this friend looks sexy in profile eating popcorn in the dark and ignoring me

In the situation you described I would hazard a guess the affair was already happening and the cinema trips were indeed intentional dates. It doesn't mean going to the cinema with a friend is a risk. People who don't want to cheat manage to navigate all kinds of social situations without accidentally impaling themselves on any passing penis.

A date? 😂
Have you ever been to a kids play venue? It falls somewhat below the date venues I'd choose in a list, somewhere below doing a big shop at the supermarket and slightly above dental appointment in terms of frisson I reckon

I'm one of those people who thinks that in a marriage you respect certain boundaries, yes. I have a healthy social life without any need to go to the cinema on my own with a man. What an odd view.

My best friend's husband began his affair by trips to the cinema with his "just a good friend,"

‘Practically a date’? Are you one of those people who wouldn’t dream of going to the cinema with a male friend because the cinema is ‘date territory’? 😀

It must really curtail your social life.

Oh come on, there's a huge difference between chatting to men, and going on what sounds practically like a date with one literally at the same time her husband is going to a marriage counselling session to try and fix their marriage

The people whothink it's dodgy and their husbands would say no, are you not "allowed" to encounter men unsupervised on a day to day basis? I'd think someone at work would be far higher risk than a dad on a playdate.

So what, though? Married people to be forcibly kept in single-sex environments 24/7 in case they encounter someone who turns their head?

That’s really rude. You sound like you’re in Year 8.

I know because it’s been that way for years. There’s no flirting, nothing, just exactly the same as if it were a mum but different conversation.

It’s called ‘friendship’.