Was my weekend guest rude?

It always blows my mind when people don't comment on a meal you've prepared. I mean first you plan it, then you go shopping, then you cook it. To not say a word about it is weird

Agree. My husband and kids always thank me for dinner and I cook for them almost every day. Sometimes they’ll be super enthusiastic about it if they’ve really enjoyed it, sometimes they’ll just say ‘thank you’. It’s hard to imagine not saying anything at all. I had some distant in-laws for a meal a while ago and they didn’t say thanks or comment on the food at all which I found strange. Especially as they had completely cleared their plates and had seconds- and it was a particularly good meal if I do say so myself!

I think your friend sounds generally very rude but I can understand that she might have found spending time with your child really awkward. If you don't want and don't like children, spending time with anyone else's children can be really difficult, particularly if they won't leave you alone. But spending so much time in her phone, not thanking your partner for cooking or complimenting the food is really rude.

It always blows my mind when people don't comment on a meal you've prepared. I mean first you plan it, then you go shopping, then you cook it. To not say a word about it is weird. Even if you hate it and can't lie, you can still say something positive "Oh thank you very much. This fish is so fresh" or whatever.
Re your daughter, that's a tricky one. I have a group of friends who really aren't into children. They find them annoying and boring. They just don't know how to interact with kids. I've known them 30 years and had very low expectations of them when my children were born. I knew they weren't going to sit with my toddlers and discuss teddies or anything! Some people are just very awkward around kids. Your daughter does sound very sweet and it's good she didn't notice the awkwardness.
I'd say your friend is quite rude and insensitive.

She doesn’t sound like much of a friend. And yes she was rude about your child. Finding it exhausting is one thing, but saying thank god she’s gone is unbelievably nasty.

Completely. Unacceptable to say this about a child in their own home. Where else should she be? If you don't like children and can't bear their company, don't go and stay in a house with children.

I presume you knew what he was like before you invited him to stay in your house for three days.
Now you know for sure to not invite him again for so long.

Don't invite guest again. Very poor behaviour. Not much shown in way of appreciation for all your and dp's efforts. House guests need to try to fit in with whole family including dc.
Don't bother inviting again. I wouĺd feel disappointed too.

Yes your guest was rude. She should have bought you a gift, showed interest in your child, not slagged your child off, bought you more than starters, helped make some
meals and stripped her bed, not made it at the end.

Definitely rude! Surely you ensure you’re on your best behaviour when staying (for free) at someone’s place? You would hope so anyway! The no manners thing is incredibly rude!!!

“It seemed to bring them no joy”

To be fair that’s a fairly usual response for being around other people’s kids. So I think you’re expecting too much there.

All the other stuff was very rude and she’s got no manners. Don’t invite her again. Not thanking for the meals and being on her phone is just awful, I’d have wanted to kick her out sooner for that alone.

I hate it when guests make the bed. She should’ve stripped it ready to be washed.

Lesson learned, don’t have her back round.

I think ita case of lifestyles not being compatabile at the moment and don't have him to stay for at least a year.

Doesn't mean they should.
An adult, whatever their sex, should know to bring a small present/pitch in with the cooking and clearing/pay for something/try to engage in conversation and with their host's family.
And I'd expect the pitching in and attempts at conversing from older children too.

Yes he was rude

I think that the two sexes and different ages tend to behave differently

Did he not come bearing gifts? Did he not offer to pay for a shop or to take you out for a meal? If he spent most of his time on his phone and not engaging with you, why do you think he accepted the invitation? (We had a visitor like that once ourselves, my gast was flabbered at their rudeness, though I wonder if maybe it was just a lack of social graces or they'd never been taught good manners. Anyhow, never saw them again after that.)

Yes he was hugely rude.

And sorry, but if you find other people's children "exhausting" or "annoying" or whatever words posters are using to try and justify this behaviour, the answer is simple - don't impose yourself on a family with a child for 3 nights!

This is an adult we're talking about here, not a teenager or a child needing to be babysat. Presumably he has his own free will to either only stay one night or to get a hotel, not to be rude to the faces of his hosts and to be completely ignorant and give more attention to his phone.

Honestly it makes me feel like some sort of ancient crone when I read these posts and people are constantly making excuses for people that have just be demonstrably rude. I hope he never has his own kids to pass on this behaviour.

Why does age or sex matter?
we are talking about basic manners here ……and this person was fucking rude …..doesn’t matter how old or what sex they were

Rude rude rude ……do not invite again

Just the appetiser?

How was that negotiated?

Extremely rude. I say thank you to my DP when he makes dinner, and we've lived together for donkey's years!
The least a guest can do is say thanks and offer to clear the table/wash up.put stuff in the fridge.
And of course he should reciprocate by treating you all to dinner out and/or a takeaway.
Sitting looking at his phone all weekend is rude and arrogant too.
He sounds utterly ungracious. And pretty boring company too.

(Not saying the OP’s child was badly behaved- doesn’t sound like it).

Why do you think that 'gender' matters?

Do you mean sex? Do you mean that you would expect a girl/ woman to be pleasant and helpful around the house and good with children, but you'd expect a lower standard of sociable, polite behaviour from a man? That it's okay for a man to eat several meals and never say thank you, but that you would expect better of a girl/ woman?

Have you ever stopped for a moment to consider how sexist that is?

Well I would certainly never have allowed my kids to treat visitors like that! Maybe the people who ‘don’t like children’ actually don’t like poorly parented children.

If it felt off enough for you to write a post on MumsNet about it then yes, I think they were probably pretty rude guests.

If they're coming into your home for a few nights, your child is part of that home, and you don't have to have children or have experience with children to at least treat them like other humans who live in the household. My friends' children are an extension of them and an important part of their life so I'm interested in their characters and interests.

The phone thing could be a habit they've fallen into, it could be that they've got something worrying them at the moment that they don't want to talk about (financial, work, a criminal investigation??? I don't know) but wonder if you referenced it? Or made a joke of it? If that was my friend I might have sent them a whatsapp or a message on instagram or phoned them from across the room to get their attention and make them realise they're staring at their phone. Or turn of the wifi!

The meal thing is rude. If we have a meal at family or friends houses we'll obviously at the very least say thank you but will also complement elements of the meal "this sauce is amazing" "wow, I've never made shakshuka at home, send me the recipe" or "I am stuffed, that was so good" and "let me do the washing up". Did they bring a bottle of wine? Chocolates?

If they're people you really like and this behaviour is unusual for them I'd check in and see if they're OK with a "you didn't seem yourselves just checking everything's OK?" or "you were on your phones a lot while you were here, is there something going on that's worrying you?".

Maybe they're just rude and boring guests. If we're staying with friends I'd like to leave them thinking "ah, I love seeing them, we should do this again soon"!

Not saying thank you for the meals or for you hosting, you’re absolute not unreasonable about. That’s out and out rude.

However not engaging with your child? That you’re unreasonable about. I love my kids, I know how to interact with my kids, but everyone else’s are exhausting and annoying and I’d really rather not entertain them. But I’d also not stay at the home of someone that had a young kid that might want me to pay attention to them, so they’re also unreasonable to have accepted your offer to stay on those grounds.