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Original poster

To ask if savings are shared when you share finances otherwise

82 replies

doodlydooo · 17/09/2024 00:59

EDIT: Title should read "To ask if savings are shared when you share finances"

I am a SAHM following birth of DC (who is 1.5years) ie. I have not been working for 1.5 years (I received SMP only). Have been married 4 years. DH's salary comes into joint account. We have a joint savings account from which money is transferred from the joint account. This joint account was set up when DC was born. Before that the money I earned went into my account and the money DH earned went into his. DH has savings of £250k (from before we married) and it is understood that this is essentially a deposit for our future home. I had very minimal savings when we married and that is really all gone now (mostly spent on wedding). I have always been a much lower earner than DH. I went through an academic route and only really started making £30+k after the age of 30 (I am now 34). DH has a city job and is 10 years older than me.

Tonight DH mentioned he was setting up a premium bonds account to transfer some of his savings. After clarifying which savings he meant (he meant his savings before marriage) I said, isn't that something we should discuss together? He said, ok, I'm putting some of my savings into a premium bond account. Is it unreasonable of me to think I should have a say in what happens to the savings? Up until tonight I was under the impression I should as I assumed that's what joint finances are.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 17/09/2024 01:14

dh And I discuss big financial
decisions. So yes, I would expect a conversation. If we are moving money around, we also take care to make sure it goes into both names in cases where the accounts don’t have two names on them .

so in this case, I might say, yes it’s a good time to make that kind of investment. How much do you think we should put in each of our names?

Original poster
doodlydooo · 17/09/2024 01:12

And yes, I think I do feel vulnerable. I feel like I am ultimately completely dependent on DH for money and my financial future.

OP posts:
Original poster
doodlydooo · 17/09/2024 01:11

kassieknows · 17/09/2024 01:09

still doesnt make sense. He's putting them into premium bonds which is a smarter way to keep the money. He's not spending it on a motorbike. And even if he was... its his money.

Do you want to feel in control? Do you feel vulnerable? Wanting control of someone else's money isn't going to make you feel how you want to feel. Maybe you need to look at getting a job again.

The money will only become yours if you get divorced. Even then, im not sure how much you'd get.

No that's not at all what I want. I don't want a divorce and I don't want control.

I appreciate premium bonds is a sensible thing but I just imagined I would know what was planned for that money.

OP posts:
kassieknows · 17/09/2024 01:09

still doesnt make sense. He's putting them into premium bonds which is a smarter way to keep the money. He's not spending it on a motorbike. And even if he was... its his money.

Do you want to feel in control? Do you feel vulnerable? Wanting control of someone else's money isn't going to make you feel how you want to feel. Maybe you need to look at getting a job again.

The money will only become yours if you get divorced. Even then, im not sure how much you'd get.

Original poster
doodlydooo · 17/09/2024 01:06

kassieknows · 17/09/2024 01:04

why are u upset its not your money?

I wouldn't have phrased it like that but I can see how it has come across.. I think it's because we agreed it's earmarked for something for us as a family ie. a future home. It's something i cannot contribute to given I don't earn anymore and so I suppose I feel very dependent on it.

OP posts:
Curtainsformeplease · 17/09/2024 01:04

Interesting question. I guess you would be entitled to 50% if you split up but I can see that he might feel that it is his money as he saved it before you met.

kassieknows · 17/09/2024 01:04

why are u upset its not your money?