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AIBU?

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About neighbours complaining about children's noise

93 replies

OnNaturesCourse · 16/09/2024 23:05

Lived in a terraced house, two shared walls in our living space, one neighbor on one side and new ones on the other. We have suspended floors, and laminate flooring. Despite it being a long term rental I am reluctant to replace the flooring with underlay and carpet.

Our relatively new neighbours have been banging through our shared wall from the first few weeks of them moving in. I always assumed it was DIY/moving noises as at the times there wasn't a lot of noise in my house. Then one night the neighbors came to my door complaining that they were sick of hearing my kids banging around from early morning until night, and that on that particular day they had been hearing it since 7am and it was now 6pm. They also shouted that they were occasional shift workers and I should respect that. I had a problem with the statement about the kids noise having been all day that day as my kids slept until after 8, and were out the house 11am until half 5pm. I explained this but the neighbors refused to accept it and a arguement started to break out. I closed the door in the end as I didn't want shouted at it.

Since then I have been super alert to any noise my kids make, and I have been more aware of any times they are maybe a bit heavy footed or run in the house. I have found myself constantly saying shh, soft feet, don't crawl around and thump, stop playing with certain toys on the floor etc. It got to the point the kids couldn't do anything in the living area and yet the neighbours were still banging through - even sometimes when the kids were actually in bed.

I have invested in a large, thick rug to try and help but apparently it has not.

Now when the kids play upstairs the neighbors occasionally bang through too. Even when they are in the garden the neighbours will loudly announce that they are going inside as the noise makes it impossible to relax.

I am friendly with my other neighbors in the street, and my other joining neighbours love my kids and have stated they rarely hear them in the house. Through these neighbourly relationships I have found out my new neighbours are complaining about us to others and have went as far to say that we have ruined their move and enjoyment of the area.

My kids are 7 and 3, they do make noise I don't deny that but not to the extent where I would think it antisocial even before I put in all the measures I have (new rug, no playing in livingroom, no playing outside after 5pm, quiet toys only in their rooms, alexa and audio no higher than volume 3, no more audio books in the morning in bed etc) They are in bed from, at the latest, 8pm until atleast 7am as standard and will sleep later on weekends.

I'm living in total fear of noise in my own house. It's ridiculous.

My previous neighbor never complained in the 6 years I was here before they left.

Ironically my new neighbors have tradesman in just now for over a week and it sounds like they are bringing the joining wall down, and they have taken to moving furniture in the bedrooms between 10 & midnight. But I just roll my eyes and crack on, I'm in a terraced house I expect some noise from general living next door.

AIBU to expect my neighbors to extend the same curtesy to me? If not what else can I do to keep the noise down but still live normally?

OP posts:
PortiasBiscuit · 17/09/2024 11:00

Live your life, don’t make unreasonable noise.
Find a certain song to play, speakers against the wall everytime they bang.
It’s aversion therapy.

Ivehearditbothways · 17/09/2024 10:58

GingerPirate · 17/09/2024 10:35

I just never experienced one....

But you’ve seen them, right? And you know what the usage of quotation makes means? Because… that was odd.

pinkyredrose · 17/09/2024 10:57

GingerPirate · 17/09/2024 10:35

I just never experienced one....

You've never experienced a terraced house?

WonderingAboutBabies · 17/09/2024 10:53

We used to live in a terrace and our lives were miserable because our neighbour would bang over every single noise.

Put plug into socket - BANG
Chop vegetables on chopping board - BANG
Tv on - BANG
Taking work calls - BANG
Walking up/downstairs - BANG
Having a bath - BANG
Hoovering - BANG

Honestly, it was unbearable. There were also times we'd be away for a weekend and he'd have posted a letter through complaining about noise over the weekend but we weren't even there!! We just eventually ignored him and cheerily waved at him when we moved out. Some people just genuinely flinch at every single noise, and some of it really travels in a terrace but that's part of terraced living.

As long as you've done your best to be mindful, that's all you can do. They can bang all they want but at the end of the day, it's their problem. I'd also raise it with your landlord as well/or management agency to let them know.

AmyDudley · 17/09/2024 10:44

I just never experienced one....

So if you'd never eaten a banana you'd write "banana" ? What a strange usage of quotation marks you have made up.

And people don't "experience" terraced houses, they live in them.

GingerPirate · 17/09/2024 10:35

Ivehearditbothways · 17/09/2024 10:21

Why is terrace house in quotes? Do you think they don’t exist or something? What’s the purpose of that?

Those are used when it’s a wink wink situation. Like saying all the kids better behave or “Santa” won’t bring any presents. Why are you acting like terraced houses are some strange concept that’s just been invented as an innuendo or something?

I just never experienced one....

OriginalUsername2 · 17/09/2024 10:27

The banging would piss me off. If they hate banging so much, they don’t get to bang. Every time they bang have a family Just Dance session.

LuluBlakey1 · 17/09/2024 10:26

We lived in a terraced house. The noise from one side carried much more than the noise from the other side. The fireplace walls side was much more robust in dulling noise, but the staircase side was awful.

Ivehearditbothways · 17/09/2024 10:21

GingerPirate · 17/09/2024 10:03

Glad I don't live in a "terraced house".
Can't stand children's noise.

Why is terrace house in quotes? Do you think they don’t exist or something? What’s the purpose of that?

Those are used when it’s a wink wink situation. Like saying all the kids better behave or “Santa” won’t bring any presents. Why are you acting like terraced houses are some strange concept that’s just been invented as an innuendo or something?

pinkyredrose · 17/09/2024 10:16

Do you think your kids may be noisier than you think they are?

ForeverPombear · 17/09/2024 10:14

I had neighbours like this the only difference is I didn't have children and it was just me living there. They complained about noise all the time coming from my house, even when I was at work and the house was empty. They came around and bashed on the front door at 11pm one night complaining about the tv noise, my TV wasn't on I had been sat on the sofa reading a book.

Seas164 · 17/09/2024 10:13

GingerPirate · 17/09/2024 10:03

Glad I don't live in a "terraced house".
Can't stand children's noise.

Almost 8/10 households in England and Wales have at least one adjoining wall, and those pesky kids get everywhere. Shame you can't keep them in the shed any more really.

Sartre · 17/09/2024 10:11

Your neighbours are the problem. It says everything knowing your other neighbours have no problem with you and previous neighbours didn’t in six years either. Children make noise, it’s normal and natural. Your children aren’t waking at 5am screaming and proceeding to scream and shout all day long until 10pm. They’re also presumably not playing the drums or rollerblading indoors on the laminate flooring.

You’re just making normal household noises and your new neighbours are pricks. The fact they never spoke to you reasonably or even introduced themselves when they moved in but just went straight to the banging on the walls and shouting at you also speaks volumes about their character.

notanotherusername2024 · 17/09/2024 10:05

Every time they bang, bang back. Match each thump. Otherwise never respond to them again and just live as though they don't exist.

GingerPirate · 17/09/2024 10:03

Glad I don't live in a "terraced house".
Can't stand children's noise.

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 17/09/2024 10:02

You've tried to be quieter which is hard on small children and the neighbours are still being dicks so fuck it, go back to how you lived before and ignore the banging, if it bugs them that much they'll move.
If it gets too much keep a log and report them. You shouldn't have to live like this and nor should your children, it's not fair.

35965a · 17/09/2024 09:47

I would be getting the council and police involved for harassment at this point. Most guidance for quiet hours is 10pm-7am, so outside of that live your life. Don’t be tiptoeing round these bullies, because that is what they are. If you live in terraced housing you’ll hear noise, they have to accept that.

Seas164 · 17/09/2024 09:42

This is terraced living. Your noise is not antisocial, but banging on your wall and trying to restrict your reasonable enjoyment of your own property is.

Make a diary, try to ignore, if they don't want to live in a house adjoined to a family then they shouldn't do so. I'm not sure what they expect? Ignore them and report them if they continue to harass you.

HoppityBun · 17/09/2024 09:41

If you can afford it, I’d see a solicitor. Ask them to write a letter to your neighbours stating that:

  • you understand the need for mutual respect in a terraced house and ask for that from them
  • you have never had problems with previous neighbours
  • you are aware that they are talking about you to other neighbours
  • their banging and complaints are harassment and unreasonable
  • you are entitled to live in your house making normal noise without fear of intimidation
  • you will continue to take special care between [say] 7:30 am and 8:00pm
  • you have noted that they have complained about noise at times when your children are asleep or not present
  • you will be keeping a careful note about the times and details of their complaints
  • you will be reporting them to the council and asking for assistance if this continues
  • regrettably if this continues you will have to consider obtaining an injunction against them from the county court
takealettermsjones · 17/09/2024 09:32

Kentuckycriedfrickin · 16/09/2024 23:49

Stop tiptoeing round and live your life. I'm not saying be deliberately noisy but you don't need to go to the lengths you're going to or restrict your perfectly normal, reasonable activities like listening to audio books or playing outside.

The new neighbours are dicks, why do you need to live like mice to accommodate their unreasonable attitude?

Next time they knock tell them that you are entitled to make reasonable 'life noise' and that if they insist on continuing to hassle you about it then you will treat it as harassment and take appropriate action (making a complaint to environmental health/antisocial team at your local council, speaking to your local PCSO, etc).

Absolutely this. Stop restricting your children's normal behaviour to appease a couple of absolute cranks! It's fine to play outside after 5pm, play in the lounge, listen to audio books in the morning etc. Obviously if they're screaming then stop them but it doesn't sound like they're doing anything wrong.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 17/09/2024 09:31

Yes agree with @Ivehearditbothways , ask them to come round and identify the noise which is disturbing them.

Ivehearditbothways · 17/09/2024 09:29

Next time the bang when the kids are out or asleep, go round to their house and invite them to yours to see for themselves that there is no noise. If they’re banging while your kids are playing quietly, go and suggest that one of them comes over to see what the kids are doing and the other stays at home and bangs if they hear excessive noise. So they can see that the “excessive noise” isn’t excessive and that your kids are behaving perfectly normally.

You shouldn’t have to but they’re not going to stop so start showing them there is no noise and or something else causing it, or start reporting every incident of banging to the police. Maybe start taking videos of your kids asleep as soon as you hear them bang so you’ve got times and proof of no noise etc. but start reporting every incident or harassment (banging).

MagpiePi · 17/09/2024 09:26

It sounds awful OP.

As a PP said, I would keep a diary of when your children are in/out/in bed, and of when your neighbours bang or complain, and I'd be working towards a harrassment claim.

Lolypoly14 · 17/09/2024 09:26

I had neighbours like this for a while.

They’d constantly complain about noise. We did make some noise, of course we did - normal day to day noise that everyone, including them makes, but it got to the point I was tiptoeing around my own house, scared to put the hoover on or cut the grass in case they came banging.

My kids would be out at school all day, I worked from home and knew my dog wasn’t barking all the time.

The day we came home after a day out to them screaming that my “fucking dog had been barking all day” was when I finally had enough and spoke to the council. My dog had been at my Mum’s all day - and was actually still there when they were screaming at me on my doorstep.

The council were great. Day to day noise during reasonable hours is absolutely fine. Their behaviour was not. The next time they came round I informed them that I had spoken to the council and that any further complaints would be forwarded to them was the day it stopped.

needhelpwiththisplease · 17/09/2024 09:25

From 8 till 8 just live your normal lives.
You are not responsible for your neighbour being unable to cope with normal noise levels.
If they work shifts, they should have considered their house options better