To ask mum to clean up?

It's a no brainer. Get The Nanny to hang out with your mother. Stay in the house to keep an eye on things ....... Say just a one off maybe...... It will irritate your mother and when she realises as NANNY helps wash and clean up ......job done.

@Growlybear83 My thoughts exactly, its the posters home so I think the responsibility sits there but not sure if IABU

Could you ask your Mum to make it a regular weekday morning that she comes, and specify start and finish time? You could give the nanny the morning off and ask her to be back in time to make lunch. Your Mum might be annoyed at being tied down, but you could emphasise what another poster said: that it's tricky for the nanny to plan hair cuts and meetings with friends and so on, if she doesn't know when she'll be free. Would your Mum leave a mess knowing that the nanny would see it first? Maybe not, but if so at least it won't include the lunch things and the nanny having had some time to herself might be less irritated by it.

Or maybe this wouldn't work at all, but it's a thought.

It's a bit different to your situation, but if my dd asks me to babysit then I 'm doing her a favour and that doesn't include doing her housework!

If my gkids make a mess and don't clean it up when asked then she can deal with it/them when she gets home.

If I babysit at my house I don't expect her to clean it after they've been.

We do our own housework (although I did clean her house when she had a new born)

It's hard enough getting my very untidy dh to clean up his mess 😪

But your mum wants to spend time with her grandchild. She's not coming round to clear up, and it sounds like she's not the kind of mum who would do that as a matter of course. Surely you can tell your nanny that she's free to go home early once the house is in a relatively tidy state, post-toddler messiness. And as for cancelled or re-scheduled classes, can't you just suggest times when there are no classes for your mum to visit?

Because some of us are petrified of our mums and have been taught that going against them is not a good idea.

Just how much mess is there?

When my dad used to look after my kids at my house he’d never tidy up. I just had to accept that if he’s looking after/spending time with his GD’s then I have an untidy house.

Your mother asks to see your child. That doesn’t mean you always have to say yes (or have to say yes full stop). No is also an answer. Think about what suits you and her (eg she could come over in the evening, she could take daughter to a weekly activity, she could see her it’s the weekend…). For starters I would never cancel activities which your nanny booked- your mum needs to learn that your daughter has activities which have been planned, booked and paid. Personally I would just stop all the during the week visits, if it’s becoming so messy. Ultimately, you have a family and your daughter is not a toy for your mum to pick up whenever she likes. You need to find a solution which works for everyone- ie doesn’t make your life more hectic by having weekly unplanned visits and more mess, but also doesn’t keep your daughter from doing the activities which the nanny planned for her.

@Puppyyikes

How much does DD get out of spending time with your mum?

Is your Mum (physically & transport wise) able to take DD to her booked classes?

is your Mum always a bit, hmmm, 'less house proud' (more scruffy) than you at her house?

it's quite unusual for a mum to leave their adults house in a worse state than when she arrived.

this

i was clearly giving the OP some alternatives to being a wet dishrag.

give it up I don't care what you think you're seeing. OP needs to buckle up and tell her mother "no" or "change" or whatever.

but noted. Next time I'll add a disclaimer that it is a non-exhaustive list and other options are available.

You need to tell your mum that it needs to be a set day and time because it's not convenient otherwise. She can't upend everyone else's lives and your nanny's work schedule in order to trash your house. That's ridiculous.

You don't need childcare and if she's the sort to like to get her own way she'll probably go out a couple of times with your child and then stop doing it because of an excuse - the weather or something - and return to previous behaviours. Perhaps you all need to spend a half day together at weekends, or go with the set same day/time and tell her to clean up.

If she can't commit to a set day/time because of her schedule, just have a set day/time anyway and if she can't make it every week then she can just let you know when she can't.

Piffle 🤣🤣🤣

Hilarious in your quote you say
“a) clean up yourself, plenty of us worked full time with very small children
b) negotiate with your nanny to do this (it is outside her remit, unless she made the mess, tbh, so be prepared to pay
c) get a cleaner
your mum is there for granny-time, not chores.”

then in reply to my response say )
so eloquently) that “I would never have let my mum's lack of planning fuck my nanny's routine over.”

If that’s the case you should have said just that, not that op should hire a cleaner because granny’s there for granny time 🤣🤣🤣

Exactly this!!!!

"I like the idea of her taking DD out for a walk or to the park for an hour, and letting our nanny catch up on home tasks."

The chickens way out. You know that your mum won't go home after the walk, or at the first sign of cold/wind/rain she won't bother.

Why does she need to visit when your nanny is there and has a planned schedule?

If she messages wanting to see her and its a day that nanny has planned a class with her I'd absolutely be saying sorry doesn't work for us today. The nanny's taking her to a class. It's far more beneficial for your child to be getting to those classes and socialising with other children than being in the house with her gran making a mess.

piffle.

I have pointed out that OP needs to grow up and behave like the grown up employer of a nanny and speak to her mother like a grown up.

(2nd post of mine explains better)

In OPs shoes? i would never have let my mum's lack of planning fuck my nanny's routine over.

Id suck up the mess and tidying up IF my mum was actually doing me a favour. But it doesnt really sound like yours is. Shes messing with nanny and DCs routine, wants it her own way by popping in when she feels like it. Expecting to see DC only when it suits her. Sorry this is where you need to put your foot down and just say no! Either she has a set afternoon so you, DC & nanny have a good routine, or she can visit on the weekends.

I think you need to lay down several ground rules here one your mum needs to give you advance notice of a week so the classes are not missed so that you’re not missing your nanny around. Then I think seeing as your nanny is still being paid which is great it would be no harm in asking her if she would be willing to tidy up on those days seeing as she still being paid. I know if I was a nanny. I wouldn’t mind at all I’m getting and all I have to do is tidy the house a little bit. But on the same vein, you need to speak to your dm openly about trying to reduce the mess that she makes so that everyone is happier. It’s only two conversations that you need to have.

"Our nanny is great and I don’t love messing with her routine every week. She also plans classes for my DD that then end up cancelled or rescheduled because of my mum coming round. so at least the goodwill helps with that!"

Jesus wept. Why are you such a doormat. Tell your mum she's messing up the nanny and the child's routines so she can't come round while you're at work anymore.

You are messing with your child's routine. Not just the nanny and your own, but it is good for your child to learn that there is a rhythm to the week (eg on Tuesday we go to the library). As a PP has said, you should just tell your mum which days it is actually suitable for her to see your DD (not when DD has something on). And she can take her for a walk or spend an hour at your house. The nanny can then get ahead of chores or something for that hour. Then your mum won't be making a lot of mess and won't have anything to tidy up. The unpredictability and late notice of your mum isn't helping anyone.

This ☝🏼☝🏼

Good nannies are like gold dust, don’t lose yours by pissing her off. Messing her about last minute shows no respect for her role at all.