To ask mum to clean up?

When i look after my granddaughters at my daughters house its a joint effort tidying up mum works so does dad and i don't wish for them to tidy up especially if me and the grandchildren have made the mess. Also same if they come to mine we tidy up .

@Givemethesun I think OPcs made it clear it's not really about the money.

For us it wasn't "just a bit of tidying". It was the straw that broke the camel's back on top of juggling the kids, work, commuting. I'm not so sure it's a different view or even different priorities so much as a different experience, different relationships. l could have written your post before I actually tried it, I agree it sounded great in theory which is why we did it. But for us the reality was relentless, and switching it for an extra day in nursery just tipped us back into coping again. Your experience of it happily sounds very much easier than ours was, and more like I thought it would be before we actually tried it! But unlike you, OP is struggling with it.

I’m bamboozled at a lot of these comments. Grandma time is different to paid childcare. I’d personally always opt for my dd to be with her gran (her family) to bond and make memories, over paid childcare. Yes appreciate it’s a waste of money but you’re paying nanny for security so you can go to work…. I pay for nursery £100 a day but don’t see it as a waste of money if dd gets taken out early by mum (mum lives 2.5 hour away so can’t commit to anything regular albeit comes up once a week probably 3 out of 4 weeks) . I’m paying that £100 a day for work security, but I think it’s far better for my dd to be with family when she can be. The tidying can wait, surely it’s not that bad. Just offering a different view point which appears to be against the grain.

Can you not ask your mum to do a morning rather than an afternoon and then the nanny can be there to sort the mess on the afternoon. Hopefully she wouldn’t mind since she would be getting the morning off and still getting paid.

As all mothers know..one is perfectly able to care for a two year old AND put the dirty plates in the dishwasher

Exactly.

There are countless threads on here about adult family members not cleaning up after themselves and many agreeing not to have them over again, but because OP has a nanny and her mother has decided to grace her granddaughter with her presence, her mother doesn’t seemingly have to tidy after herself. Ridiculous, but not surprising. Some posters will accept anything from their parents if it means they show a tidbit of interest towards their grandchildren.

Rude!

Growing up my Mother always nagged me to clean up after myself

There's no way she wouldn't get the same nag back

Under no circumstances should you ask your mum to clean up after herself or anyone else. She wants to see her grandchild and there is. Irving wrong with that. You are being totally unreasonable and would get short shift from me if you were my daughter. Ask the nanny to do it or do it yourself and be grateful your child is building a bond with their grandparent.

You're confusing visiting with childcare. Your mum is coming to visit her granddaughter, not to provide care. I would suggest you keep your nanny there, and invite your mum around for visits at your convenience. Then expect from her what you would expect from a guest, not what you would expect from a nanny.

Definitely send the child your mums house

She doesn't need to do any child proofing as she will be watching the child like a hawk

Absolutely

Tell Mum to clear up yer shit...you're a full time working parent and she's creating more work for you

My mum would never need to be asked

Say that it's nanny and grandmother together

So she pops round when she wants, not on a set day, and basically tells you when she's having your child, then treats your house like you're her cleaner? It's madness to live like this. Surely any supportive grandparent would not want your child to miss classes that she enjoys, when it's not necessary? This whole situation sounds like a power play.

I had a live in nanny for ten years OP.

There is no way I would ask her to tidy up after me let alone another adult.

Assuming your mum tidies up after herself in her own home, washes up, puts stuff in the dishwasher etc I would find it really rude and entitled for her to not tidy up after herself in your home.

Think about it, as a guest in anyone's home you at the very least put your stuff in the dishwasher.

Not after an adult who doesn't live in the house and just turns up and disrupts your working day when they feel like it.

Yr child u clean up.

That depends on the terms OP has with her nanny.

Cleaning up after the child is one thing, cleaning up after OP’s mum is another.

Cleaning up IS part of a nanny's job. I'm sure it features quite heavily!

The nanny can clean up. It's not redefining her role, the nanny should be tidying up after toys, food prepared for the baby, change of clothes in the wash basket and some wash, dry and fold during naps. She's contracted to work those hours and get paid anyway.

Good nannies are hard to find. Redefining her role as a cleaner who clears up after her employer's mother one day per week may be a good way to encourage a trained professional nanny, who chose her profession because she loves working with children and sees herself as a professional early years educator, to look for a more suitable alternative employer.

Generally people who are very good at their jobs and not employed as cleaners politely and discretely look for, and find, new employment if the terms and conditions change from what they're trained for, to cleaning. The same way an excellent cleaner who had chosen to be a cleaner because they got satisfaction from working autonomously without interruptions to a high standard might resign if informed they were now looking after their employers' children instead on an ad-hoc basis.

YANBU

Adults clean up after themselves. If this was her own home, doubt she would like someone leaving her home like a bomb site after visiting, children involved or not.

As your nanny is being paid anyway, couldn't you get her to spend the last hour of her working day cleaning up?

I agree.

This

She also plans classes for my DD that then end up cancelled or rescheduled because of my mum coming round. so at least the goodwill helps with that!

You are letting your Mum trample over you like a cart and horse.

It’s lovely that she wants to spend time with her grandchild, but your Dd isn’t her leisure activity available to entertain her when she feels like it.

Try and take control. Suggest afternoons that she can come, and on days when the nanny has groups or classes say ‘no, not convenient, she has tumble tots that day’.

And be clear. Tell her you have a nanny so that you come home from a busy day to a tidy orderly house and you just can’t cope coming home to a mess.