DH withholding baby from me

So does the baby calm when he takes him? Why not take the opportunity to go have a shower/cuppa/walk/snooze , go calm down and let him deal with the baby? It sounds like he wants to help, so let him.

When this happens do you go away and calm yourself down and then come back when you’re calm?

Does he refuse to give the baby back even though you’ve stopped crying and you’re calm?

💯💯💯. There is nothing wrong with dad holding the baby. Soon she will be complaining dad doesn't have a bond with baby and leaves it all to her

It's called witching hour for a reason! Cluster feeding and colic etc is quite normal. Colief drops given just before a feed can work wonders if it is colic, and there are no side effects so well worth giving it a try.

I've got a 12 wk old as well! It is devastating when baby just cries and cries, I know with mine if she doesn't settle and it's intense red-in-the-face crying it's because she's tired and doesn't know how to settle herself to sleep yet. Do you know why yours cries?

As others have said, maybe your partner feels like he's helping. But you definitely need to have a sit down discussion when you are both emotionally ok in that moment.

I know how difficult this is to even find the time when both of you are juggling all your responsibilities but it's so important.

Sadly an hour of crying is nothing unusual for many many babies.

It’s not always colic and reflux. My DS did this and was perfectly fine at all other times. It would start at bedtime - anytime between 7pm and midnight and would last for hours. It’s a very highly stressful situation to be in. Have a talk during the day about strategies for both of you to cope/take a break.

P – Peak crying: Your baby might cry more each week, the most in the second month, then less in months three to five
U – Unexpected: crying can come and go and you don’t know why
R – Resists soothing: your baby might not stop crying no matter what you try
P – Pain-like face: a crying baby might look like they’re in pain, even when they’re not
L – Long lasting: crying can last as long as five hours a day or more
E – Evening: your baby might cry more in the late afternoon and evening

cypf.berkshirehealthcare.nhs.uk/health-and-development/your-baby-and-you/crying/#:~:text=Prolonged%20crying%20in%20an%20otherwise,about%20three%20to%20five%20months.

Sorry haven't RTFT, only scanned your own posts OP. I'm sure I'm repeating what others have said.

He's not going about this in the right way, but he's also not wrong.

If the baby has been crying for an hour and you've reached the point where you're crying yourself (we've all been there, Christ those early days are brutal aren't they), then you need a break.

That's why babies have two parents - so their spirit can break in shifts.

It's also really really important for all three of you that your DH learns to settle the baby and the baby learns to be settled by their dad.

I know it's awful to listen to your baby screaming, but let's face it, they'd be screaming on you too and you need a break. Taking a break when there's a loving and willing parent right there to take over is being a good mum. Your baby needs you to take care of yourself.

Are you sure he is withholding the child from you the crying how does that transpired could he maybe be concerned about your emotional state and there feels he is safe guarding you and the baby have you tried to talk to him about this

I don’t understand what the problem is. Baby is crying for a long period of time which undoubtedly makes you feel overwhelmed. Husband takes baby to give you a break. Isn’t it good for someone else to take over when feeling overwhelmed with baby? That is generally the advice. It’s good that he is responsive. Sometimes people on the outside can see when we are not doing too well- maybe that’s what your husband is seeing. Don’t forget, he is the dad and has every right to the baby. Unless, of course there is some other issue with your relationship which you haven’t shared.

Agree with pps your DH needs to learn how to handle baby but not at the times baby is screaming and everyone is stressed and only at 12 weeks. There’s plenty of time for dad to learn. Nonsense for it to be forced on you and now in these situations.. put your foot down. X

I think it’s wrong he’s not giving the baby back.

I also don’t think your baby should be crying for an hour.. have you seen a GP? It’s very possible baby has reflux or another issue.
So don’t just accept that’s normal. Baby isn’t calm - try and find out why.

But your DH should definitely give baby back imo. X

It's totally, totally wrong of him to withhold the baby from you. Red flag, run for the hills

After doing the first year with a baby with colic and silent reflux on my own as DP was constantly working 2 jobs to keep us afloat, I would have been grateful for a break. Use it to your advantage and take a bath. Screaming babies are stressful and it’s not nice to be continuously listening to it. I think he’s trying to help to be honest.

Partner shouldn’t be behaving like this. He’s infantilising you and being controlling. If his aim is to reduce the stress levels in the house he’s doing the opposite. I’m concerned for you. I also think having a bit of a weep/sob when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed is not abnormal and not necessarily bad for the baby if it’s a release if emotion rather than you getting very upset, you are the only one who knows but your Nct friends aren’t concerned so that’s significant.

You should definitely allow him to help with the baby, he needs to be able to do this and
people tend to be controlling when they are afraid, so I think try to have a sensible chat about it when it’s not actually happening. if he won’t engage in another alternative plan, for example, he could take the baby for a big walk after half an hour or whatever, and just insists that he takes the baby and is gatekeeper after this- then that is definitely unreasonable.

I’ve finally escaped a decade-long controlling relationship and it started with stuff like this. I left him when our child was 2 but because of the family courts I remained trapped in it. Can be quite subtle at the beginning

How about trying loop earplugs? That takes out the most shrill notes - the ones that cut right through into the core of your being (yep, been there) - and could help you stay calmer in the first place.

It sounds like he's trying to give you some time out. It's his baby too and its right that he steps up and deals with some of the distress and has a go at settling little one himself, and if you are no longer calm he is probably more likely to succeed at that point. Take the help. It sounds like by that point of the day if it's been a hard day you and baby are both getting upset and overtired. It's good that he's prepared to step in. For this post there are probably another 10 on here saying that he never helps with the hard stuff, he never deals with the crying, I have to deal with it all day and even when he's at home he doesn't help etc etc. The focus needs to be on little one having a calm parent to settle them.

Why cant he try and help settle the baby before you get that upset? That would be more useful than him taking baby as some sort of punishment for you crying.

One of mine would scream at night with reflux. Hours on end. I never cried though. It sounds like you need some help which your DH sounds like he is trying to do. I see nothing wrong with someone taking over when you are clearly overwhelmed.

He sounds like a cunt. My sympathies x

I disagree with others that you crying is necessarily distressing to baby. Baby is already distressed and your crying is showing empathy, connection and love. There is nothing wrong with crying at any age.

Babies don't cry for no reason and I think regular prolonged screaming at this stage needs to be investigated. Could he have reflux/some sort of milk allergy?

There's a big difference between a dad being helpful and trying to soothe his baby, giving mum a needed break, and a dad who tells his wife she's "a state", who "can't cope", and REFUSES to let her have her baby back after she's composed herself.

Two very different things here.

OP - your baby probably is colic. I have a 6 month old and she was screaming a lot virtually every evening from about 2- 4 months.

She is much calmer now, so try to keep perspective and remember there is an end in sight. My baby has also been exclusively breastfed and there were many nights where it seemed like she was just constantly feeding for hours. (cluster feeding) Obviously you are sleep deprived and it IS very stressful when your baby has been crying for an hour and you've tried to everything you can, but they still won't settle. It's quite natural for mum to get upset about this sometimes.

Perhaps some of the posters never had babies like this or it has been a long time but I have great sympathy for you OP because I have cried a few times when my baby has been like this too... Hang in there x

OK but presumably she has been trying to put the baby to her breast for the past hour and it hasn't worked? There is nothing wrong with letting dad have a go at soothing the baby, sometimes it just takes a different touch. Having someone jump in fresh who is calm and caring won't do the baby any harm. Insisting Dad can't try and settle their own baby when mum has been trying for an hour and is now bawling makes no sense at all and comes across as controlling. It's ridiculous that the op won't give the dad a chance to parent his own child.