To think that some people need more downtime/rest or am I just lazy?

But neither has anything to do with doing things, or energy levels.

As far as I can see the difference which is being discussed on the thread is whether (1) your idea of recharging time involves lying on the sofa watching TV or scrolling through your phone, regardless of whether that's with another person or solo, or (2) your idea of recharging time involves doing things you find enjoyable, usually out of the house, whether they are solo or with others.

Mn is a revelation to me sometimes. I've literally never come across people in RL who shower and get into their pyjamas as soon as they get home from work because they won't be going out again.

This is me. I was up showered and dressed the day after both my DCs were born.I don't do lie- ins, never have. I really can't stay in all day if I WFH then I need to get out either at lunchtime or after work.

https://www.wob.com/en-gb/books/sharon-heller/too-loud-too-bright-too-fast-too-tight/9780060932923?gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgsOiuvnHiAMVUZNQBh3fCQpsEAQYASABEgKCxfD_BwE#GOR002000879 you are not alone. There are lots of us "sensitive" types around. You just have to know your needs and take care of them and ignore what you are supposed to cope with.

As an aside, in terms of a lazy day for me, as I think it's interesting to hear different people's versions:

Slow breakfast. In bed if it's crap weather, outside if it's not.
Baking or cooking something nice for dinner.
Some gardening with DH.
Boardgames.
Long walk out with the dogs.
Chunk of time curled up reading.

But I couldn't just sit and watch TV. I remember feeling like clawing my own skin off when I'd stay at my ex's and this was on the cards.

It really depends on many things. I tend to prefer having at least one day per week to myself no matter what is going on but have found at times when I don't get that I'm still OK and there is no major adverse effect. I would just prefer the time haha. It might also depend on your ability to switch off before bed, if you're always able to sleep well no matter how busy your day has been then you're probably OK. Some people struggle to sleep if they've had too much stimulation/ have a lot going on. I think others have learned to switch off at the end of the day no matter what is going on.

I've met people who have very low energy/need a lot of time to recover from events that would seem "normal" for me. My ex used to go out on a Friday night (just dinner and drinks, not heavy partying. In his 20s), and then at a stretch I could get him to come to the markets/go for a hike/whatever it was on Saturday. He'd want an afternoon "relax" and then could cope with dinner out or cooking together, whatever it was. Sunday was for sleeping in, and sitting on the couch watching TV. It didn't last (he also had a phenomenally low sex drive). Maybe there were medical issues, but he wouldn't get them checked out.

On the other hand, my DH (just turned 40, I'm 30s) is the opposite, which works for me. This weekend we were up and out to the markets on Saturday morning, then we took the kids on a day out to the woods. Had a picnic. Evening we had friends around. Sunday we were up bright and early, dog walking for him, visits to family, evening spent together until quite late chatting and playing boardgames. We both got a workout in there, too, plus cooking and some of our own hobby stuff - which includes reading and writing, so not energetic.

I wouldn't say we're extroverts. DH is quite shy, I'm less so (though I know that's not the whole criteria). We just like doing stuff and have quite low sleep needs, too. Before kids, we didn't necessarily want to be out at parties or events multiple times a week, but we did like to be doing stuff; visits to places, having fun together. My ex, on the other hand, once had a week off work and got arsey because he had to go to the shops for milk! Stocked up on food so he could stay home.

I love doing nothing - I genuinely love it. I'm never bored doing nothing.

However, sometimes I have loads to do and feel up for it and can be a bit of a whirlwind for a few days. I spend this time cooking loads of meals for the freezer, doing loads of errands and chores and socialising. I do it all just so that I can have a few weeks of delicious nothing again.

I couldn't be on the go constantly like some people. I do wonder if it's my age though?

This is the difference between introverts and extroverts - which is nothing to do with how outgoing you are

Most introverts recharge by time alone
Most extroverts recharge by time with other people

So what drains you is recharging her

I often wondered for a lot of years if I was some kind of freak OP. Thanks for reassuring me others have felt this way too in life. I need my down time. My children are the same. They are active but also like just resting at home too.

This is such an interesting thread. It’s interesting to me how morally loaded this is. The word ‘lazy’ has so many connotations.

I am a clinical psychologist and work with many neurodivergent young people. For them, knowing about how their own social, physical and cognitive energy is best spent and how and when they need to rest is really powerful (we call it energy metering.) So often, they bring a huge amount of shame as they perceive themselves as ‘lazy’. There’s quite a powerful social construct around good use of time, and taking time for rest or doing less than the norm can be hard (for others) to accept.

In our family, DH needs lots of time out so that he can be super efficient when he is on duty, either at home or work. He’s a barrister so court time is draining and needs balancing with this. It would be unfair of me not to accept this, if he needs to hide in his story and read spaceship books, I respect that, even if I’d rather he cake to lunch with me. I’m the Duracell bunny, who plans loads, does loads, then just flops. Despite my job, I’m not very self-insightful and rarely see the ‘flop’ coming. I’ve had a big health worry this week. Today I went to the GP to get my results back, all good news, and I came home and slept for three hours- I hadn’t realised how tiring that stress was. I’ll be fine tomorrow but I do now respect my mind and body when it says ‘stop!’

I agree that keeping busy is a coping mechanism for some people. They can’t bear to sit quietly and just be with their thoughts because distressing thoughts/issues may arise. I know a couple of people like this. One has a lot of trauma in her past.

I feel your pain. I've got an auto immune disease and it wears me out so much. I used to think nothing of a ten mile hike or staying up all night dancing. I miss those days.

I've just looked that up, it sounds really tough

I’m like you OP, I need down time. I would dread having something on every weekend, but I have friends who plan every weekend. I would be absolutely knackered if I went out for drinks every night after work.

I'm like this... Turned out I have a chronic, hereditary, disease (ankylosising spondylitis) it's shit, I used to have so much more energy 😭

This is a good point, I have a family member who is always busy ever since they experienced a horrible trauma and I think it is a coping mechanism for them even though they say they just like being busy

Noted. I think it was rude and unnecessary. I could judge legions of people, condemning them as dull or stupid or any other insulting term, for any number of things that they do or enjoy doing. Going out drinking? Smoking/vaping? Going to the theatre/cinema? Binge-watching TV? Endless things.

Most of those activities are not my bag but I have the wit to realise that they are very much the things that other people do/like to do so I wouldn't stick a label on them. It's hurtful so why do it? Unless, that's also something that people like to do? There are people like that.

We are all so different and that's a good thing in my book, never having to explain why either.

i hate relaxing

This is the most shocking thing I've ever read on here ...who hates relaxing?!

I am the friend. i hate relaxing,
i stopped napping at a year old too - much to my mums disgust!

No! I just work in an office doing admin

I think there are different kinds of energy.

• physical energy
• mental energy
• social energy

Etc

People with lots of physical energy enjoy getting out and exercising, walking the dog, active holidays etc

People with lots of mental energy love learning, they find a challenge at work stimulating, enjoy problem solving etc

People with lots of social energy love meeting new people, seeing friends, going out to bars etc

There will be more equivalents.

We all find our energy in different ways. There's no denying some people have more than others. Some people clearly find screens less addictive too.

Yes exactly

I need to be by myself to recharge but that doesn't have to be at home "chilling" - it can be exercising or going for a walk or going to the theatre or any number of things that aren't at home

This is literally the definition of an introvert/extrovert - an introvert gets their energy from downtime/being alone/being at home; an extrovert gets their energy from being around other people.

Swap places for a week and you would both be exhausted!

Neither is wrong, it's just who you are.

I think some posters are confusing 'doing things' with 'doing social things'. I like am active weekend, but I'm pretty introverted, and much of what I will be doing doesn't involve other people at all, or only tangentially.

I also think that mental and physical exertion can be different in different people. I think I could learn to cope with more physical exertion and I'd adjust over time within reason. On the other hand I suspect I have a more fixed limit for how much mental exertion I'd cope with.

We've limited our family size because I feel panicky at the thought of how much "juggling" I'd have to do keeping up with the life admin of a big family. On the other hand I don't feel that much more drained after a more physical day, if anything it makes me sleep better.