To think that some people need more downtime/rest or am I just lazy?

I'm lazy and I love my bed. I dread to think how much time I would spend in it if I didn't have a job, a kid etc.

As I get older I realise how lucky I am that my favourite things to do are completely free. My long lies at the weekend are my absolute golden time. DS is a teenager so it's bliss.

Yes, I'm exactly the same with your last paragraph. I couldn't relax with a task to do.

Something like having a workman round would stress me out for days leading up to it. He could be here for five minutes and I'll dedicate at least three days to being bothered about it.

I completely agree with this. My eldest is a bouncing off the wall, high energy type, very sporty. She doesn't have the stamina though of other children and gets ratty after a few hours of socialising. It took me ages to work this out and then be able to turn down events that would be too much, or work in some downtime somewhere. From tiny toddler age she used to say "too many people" she still hates crowds and busy places.

It's got better as she has got older, but I've adapted too and know what works for her.

I hadn't been aware that both my children go silent and stare out the window of the car as downtime after socialising. Not until we gave another child a lift and she did not stop talking the whole way home after hours of socialising! I needed the quiet time too and found it really hard to concentrate.

That’s exactly what I did today - back at 7pm and straight into pyjamas. I never go out on a weekday evening (in fact, I’m not sure where would go if I did).

In my 20s I was up at 4:30, mucking out horses, back home fir a shower, 2 buses to work, full time job, back to the stables on the way home (3 buses) then home, chores and cooking. In my 30s I worked full tome and did a part time degree while volunteering as a union rep with a national role, had a hysterectomy due to endometriosis.

I'm 59 now, have worked all my life and found out I have chronic kidney disease. The fatigue I have felt in the last 2.5-3 years is like nothing I've ever felt. I only go to the office once day a week, with the other 4 days working at home but that one day knocks me out, I just want to go to bed when I get home. I'm not going to feel bad about it, it's how things are now.

It's interesting to me that some posters feel their neuro diversity means they need more downtime

I have ADHD but feel the opposite. Sort of.

I basically don't deal very well without any sort of structure to the day. If I have a couple of fixed things in the day, it's fine and I can shape the day around those. But if I didn't have anything at all to do in a given day, I get really jumpy and restless

Yep, I'm neurodiverse and although I love being around people and doing things, if I don't get my little breaks to myself I end up drained and exhausted.

Im exactly like you OP. I don’t think there’s anything wrong about it. Keep doing you

Sorry not RTFT but my DD has all sorts of complex issues and her educational psychologist said she only has so many 'spoons' to use up, I think it's called spoon theory, anyway o think we're all like that, some people have tonnes of spoons and others have far fewer. Unused to be someone with loads of spoons, I'm 52 now and have had so many spoons lost, stolen, thrown in the bin by accident I'm struggling to cope ... menopause pinched tonnes of them too!!

Agree that low energy is different from introversion. And that “needing” recovery time can often be habit rather than need. But, if you prefer living life that way, then why not.

I recently went back to 5 days/week commuting after years of only doing 2 days. I was so used to having every other day at home I really felt like I needed those days. The first week of commuting was horrible but now it just feels normal. Turns out I didn’t need those days after all

'doing nothing' to me consists of having absolutely no obligations for the day.

So I will happily potter around at home and in the garden, wearing old clothes, doing spits and spats of tidying/organising, not bother doing my hair, cook nice things and have no structured timetable to the day, daydreaming and thinking to myself. These are my favourite days.

If I have to go out to buy something, drop something off, visit someone, have someone visit me, have a workman round, go to the vets, etc etc etc I feel like the whole day revolves around it till it's done, then I can relax again.

Watching tv, reading, playing a game on my phone, chatting online
Pottering around the house doing sort of light housework, maybe a load of laundry or batch cooking something
Playing with the cat, chatting to the neighbours
Long bath or shower
A nap

I think the older I elllget, the more I need!

I’ve always been a low energy type person. I work three days a week, 5 hours a day, and granted it is a physical job. But when I come home I usually decompress about 45 minutes and then take an hour nap! People exhaust me too - I have an event coming up, only about four hours and I’m dreading.

I have an auto immune disease so my body has limits and I've learnt over the years that I need down time

I have my own business that I work in and it's very physically and mentally demanding as I'm with upto ten different people a day and on my feet all day.

I've just changed my hours so I do three longer days and the odd half day now so I can use half a day for the admin and cleaning and then close the door for three days as my brain wasn't getting down time.

My dh is always on the go,works then goes right to the gym and then on weekends he's always doing something diy or garden related which mostly involves going to get stuff so out and about etc

I'm always awake early so I'm normally downstairs on my days off early to sort washing dogs house etc etc so by early evening I'm on the sofa zoning out but dh is still pootling around

I am high energy during the day and am really productive but I have switch off times in the evening where I just need to sit and wind down.

It depends doesn’t it?

If someone has a job that doesnt involve talking to many people and isn’t very demanding and they live near work and have an easy journey, then they will probably need to go out in the evenings for company and stimulation.

But if they have a demanding job that involves long hours and they have been interacting with others in a high pressure environment all day, anc on top of that they have a long stressful commute, and return home late every night, then they may only have the energy to curl up and relax afterwards.

Depends what you class as housework though? Wiping down kitchen surfaces at the end of the day? Cleaning the loo? Tidying? Getting kids' school uniform sorted? Stacking and unstacking the dishwasher?

I'm not hoovering, dusting and cleaning floors every day. But the other things definitely need doing every day or almost every day. Also cooking/preparing food - DH also does this but someone needs to do it every day.

In terms of the original question, DH and I definitely have different rest needs. I am moderately introverted. He is very introverted and autistic. We both have busy full time jobs. He needs more sleep than me and more downtime. If he has done any socialising in a busy or loud environment he needs to recuperate. I get very antsy if I am in the house all day. I like downtime but I can't fully relax if I am in the house with the DCs because I know there's no way I could take myself off and do stuff I wanted to do without being bothered. It stresses me out if I start doing something and one of them interrupts me. They're very high energy and keep us busy.

I used to be like your friend op, always out and about but late 40's now and would much rather be at home with a good book!

I'm not trying to get at you but doing housework, cooking, and running errands every single day of your life sounds horrific!

Same! Would this include housework? Or cooking? Or running any errands? Or is it purely TV/reading/sleeping/indoor hobbies? I can't imagine a day that didn't involve any of the former!

People are quite different. I find I get a bit stir crazy if I’ve been at home for too long. I’ve got my kids doing lots of activities so I think there must be a ‘high energy’ influence there or I wouldn't be willing to be running around facilitating their lives to the extent I do. But, I do very much like the odd sofa day where I can put on my pyjamas and slob about (which seems to be frowned upon on mumsnet).

Ive got to learn the personality of my eldest daughter’s friends over the year and I can easily see which ones are the higher and lower energy kids. Some of the low energy kids are much better at running than my daughter for example so it’s not about being less sporty as such but they need more downtime and really start to flag. You can also see they get ratty much earlier in the day during a day out and are just a bit quieter. The high energy girls just don’t stop talking in comparison.

I actually don't even really understand what people mean when they say they spend a day "chilling" or "resting" - are they watching TV? Reading a book? Posting on Mumsnet?

^

Oh I'm glad it's not just me

I always think the same!!

Yes, I am the same. My father used to say 'I'm an introverted extrovert', (or maybe the other way round). I'm also left-handed, so have to adapt to a right-handed world, and dyslexic, so constantly making sense of things, and that is mentally tiring. Also, I feel the cold a lot (tiring), and am sensitive to sound, really, really tiring) Yesterday I was working at an open air event with a DJ and the music was blaring out, with a very pounding bass. Several hours of that does me in, but other people are not affected. Today I'm having a day in bed to recover from that, and I know I'm lucky to be able to do that.

Don't let other people tell you how much rest and relaxation you need, OP. It depends on you.

Prior to Covid I was always doing something. Even the first day after leaving hospital with baby DS I was insisting we had to go out for a walk and for a coffee. When I was in hospital for liver issues I was told off by a nurse for never being actually in the ward (I was often going for errands for bedridden patients, whereas although i had terrible liver issues, I actually felt fine)

since Covid I’ve been knackered: suffer migraines and feel like I spend most of my time either having a migraine or recovering. When I’m not doing either: I try to get as much stuff done as possible. I work full time and have a child. But honestly; could do with more downtime