Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girls Trip

135 replies

Franksnbeans · 16/09/2024 11:28

Just got back from a girls trip away. There were 12 of us so we rented a large house closest to the majority and the rest of us have travelled there. Long weekend away so 3 nights from Friday through to today. I’m actually just on my way home and currently on the train

The actual trip has been great - we’ve done loads of activities, meals out, drinking, quite the typical girls trip away. In fact I’ve loved being with them all.

We are all in our late 40s, in long term relationships with kids, some of us are married, so organising something like this is rare. In fact, because of our busy lives with kids and full time jobs, we’ve never done more than one night away together. We do however speak often and on average we all get together for lunch/dinner in various quantities of us, about every 2-3 months. We have all known each other for years varying through school, work, kids etc

I have however been really shocked at one my friends. We have all found out this morning that in the dead of night lastnight when we were all asleep, that she has sneaked a random bloke into the house that she had met on the first night out of the trip, when we had gone to the local pub. I can honestly say she had spoken to him face to face on that night for no more than 5 minutes. We didn’t know she had got his number. She had sex with him in the house and then he left.

She has told us about it quite matter of factly this morning when we were all packing up and cleaning and when we have asked why, she has confessed that her and her DP have an open relationship. And her DP had consented. So in that aspect I cannot hold what she has done against her. Each to their own on that one.

However my issue is that none of us knew him, none of us knew he was coming into the house, she had waited until we were all fast asleep and it had clearly been planned. I can’t help but feel really sick at the thought that we had an adult male stranger in the house whilst we were all fast asleep and totally vulnerable. I’m already really wary about sleeping anywhere alone other than at home and it’s just really thrown me. I keep running through ‘what ifs’ in my mind.

Am I being a bit precious about it? My DP is absolutely furious - at her obviously not me. And I’m also really not sure how I approach this with friend in future

OP posts:
UltramarineViolet · 16/09/2024 12:35

I would probably be a bit bemused and surprised but your DP being 'furious' sounds like a big overreaction

If you were all younger and more of you were single then I'm sure you wouldn't bat an eyelid

DesigningWoman · 16/09/2024 12:29

DeCaray · 16/09/2024 12:08

I wouldn't be friends with someone who has dubious morals.

I would also tell her husband.

He knows. And sex is in no way a ‘moral’ issue assuming everyone’s consenting.

Itisjustmyopinion · 16/09/2024 12:28

DeCaray · 16/09/2024 12:08

I wouldn't be friends with someone who has dubious morals.

I would also tell her husband.

If they are in an open relationship I would take a guess that her husband doesn’t care and was probably up to the same while his wife was away

Neverstophoping · 16/09/2024 12:27

Itsallfunngamesuntil · 16/09/2024 12:01

Get over yourself. It's a colloquialism

Show quote history

I don't know what you mean by "it's colloquialism."

Using the term "girls" to describe adult women feeds into the perception that women are not equal in society. That they can be dismissed as of lesser importance because they do not have the fully formed opinions and status of adults.

I will say I equally dislike the use of the term " lads" to describe adult men: "lads" holiday, "lads" night out, "lads" stag do.
It's used then to to excuse their loutish , often drunken, inappropriate behaviour, which is not what should be acceptable in responsible adults.

Katielovesteatime · 16/09/2024 12:08

Gosh, guess you never lived in a house share at uni! What do you think might have happened - he might have used the opportunity to murder all 12 of you?

DeCaray · 16/09/2024 12:08

I wouldn't be friends with someone who has dubious morals.

I would also tell her husband.

C152 · 16/09/2024 12:07

I wouldn't care about something like this. He came back for sex and left immediately afterwards. It has no impact on you or anyone else. The fact she told you means she now wants you all to know about this part of her life. I suppose he could have been a thief, but most people keep their valuables in their bedroom at night so, again, I wouldn't be overly bothered by this.

ghostyslovesheets · 16/09/2024 12:07

She was with him the whole time and he left soon after - not really an issue - she’s an adult and yes - as others have said, if you’ve lived in a house share it won’t be a new experience

Frogmarch89 · 16/09/2024 12:06

I think you're over reacting. Surely this has happened before? I'm 38 and been on loads of girls trips, holidays and lived in house shares and now and then somebody has brought somebody back.

A bit grim of she has a partner and kids but that's her choice. The safety thing wouldn't even enter my head to be honest.

SpringYay · 16/09/2024 12:05

Not sure why anyone is furious about 2 consenting adults doing what they want to do? I don't think 11 other women were at risk from this one man. All seems a bit unreasonable and an overreaction.

DesigningWoman · 16/09/2024 12:04

gannett · 16/09/2024 12:00

I've lived in many houseshares over the years and this was par for the course. I couldn't even count the number of times various housemates brought people back for the night without a heads-up. I'd have thought it bizarre if they did tell everyone else beforehand tbh. When I brought people back it wouldn't have occurred to me to tell my housemates.

It was sometimes hilarious if more than one stayed over, met over breakfast and turned out to know one another. I remember once in about 1992, this happening, and the two guys clearly loathed one another, so there was a lot of teeth-baring and ‘So, got lucky, did you, Sweeney? over the toaster while we all tried not to die laughing.

MintyNew · 16/09/2024 12:02

I would just drop her honestly. That sounds like someone I really wouldn't want to associate with. I think I would tolerate her for the wider friendship group but have no one to one interaction with her. Gross, who behaves like this.

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/09/2024 12:02

There’s absolutely no point being furious about things which had no impact on you and where nothing untoward happened. And it’s nothing to do with your DH, he’s just trying to stir the pot with his drama. If all the other friends would also prefer it didn’t happen, just make it a rule for future trips that nobody brings anyone back without asking permission of everyone else in the house.

Itsallfunngamesuntil · 16/09/2024 12:01

Neverstophoping · 16/09/2024 11:36

It's funny how he is an adult male stranger but you are all 40 year old "girls"?
If you all infantilise yourselves in this way why are you surprised that one of your number actually behaves like a teenager?

Get over yourself. It's a colloquialism

gannett · 16/09/2024 12:00

I've lived in many houseshares over the years and this was par for the course. I couldn't even count the number of times various housemates brought people back for the night without a heads-up. I'd have thought it bizarre if they did tell everyone else beforehand tbh. When I brought people back it wouldn't have occurred to me to tell my housemates.

onwardsup4 · 16/09/2024 11:59

Itisjustmyopinion · 16/09/2024 11:40

What an over reaction both by you and your DP, being absolutely furious is ridiculous

I could just about be understanding of your concern if you were the only other person in the house but there was another 11

This! He's furious is he? I think he needs to calm down

JMSA · 16/09/2024 11:57

Neverstophoping · 16/09/2024 11:36

It's funny how he is an adult male stranger but you are all 40 year old "girls"?
If you all infantilise yourselves in this way why are you surprised that one of your number actually behaves like a teenager?

ALWAYS one. In fact, it's like Mumsnet bingo.

Santasbigredbobblehat · 16/09/2024 11:57

Given she told you, rather than you bumped into him on the stairs, I don't think it matters. And it's nothing to do with your partner.

Rosybud88 · 16/09/2024 11:55

I wouldn’t have been happy at all if a friend did this. I won’t go into details but I had an incident on a trip as a younger woman specifically when I was asleep so I wouldn’t appreciate a stranger being snuck into the house at all. It doesn’t feel appropriate for a girly weekend especially when everyone is attached, it’s not something that would be expected. I don’t think you are overreacting.

Shoxfordian · 16/09/2024 11:55

Did you never live in a shared house op? You're being really dramatic

Caroparo52 · 16/09/2024 11:53

Next time tell her to book a local hotel for her shagathon

poppyzbrite4 · 16/09/2024 11:49

Franksnbeans · 16/09/2024 11:45

Obviously we all vary in our degrees of closeness and an open relationship isn’t something I’d imagine many people shout about. As it turns out, out of all of us, only one other of our group knew about them having an open relationship.

My point really is with it being that we weren’t aware of the situation or aware that this might have happened, it is unsettling to know that she found it ok to just invite a random person into the house for sex when everyone was asleep. I think really it’s something that should have been discussed or agreed to before it happened. And yes in this case, I probably would have locked my bedroom door rather than left it open

Show quote history

Nothing happened. Danger averted. If you go away with her again, ask her to let you know if she wants to bring a stranger back.

SallyWD · 16/09/2024 11:48

I find it strange behaviour on her part. I wouldn't be concerned from a safety point of view (12 against 1) but more from an etiquette perspective.

InTheRainOnATrain · 16/09/2024 11:46

There were 12 of you and 1 of him?! So long as she wasn’t making a racket then who cares. You and your DH are massively overreacting.

Original poster
Franksnbeans · 16/09/2024 11:45

poppyzbrite4 · 16/09/2024 11:33

On the face of it, she didn't do anything wrong and it's none of anyone's business who she chooses to sleep with. Odd no one knows she's in a open marriage though and she kept it a secret all this time.

As for the safety aspect, she shouldn't really have invited a strange man into the house but there were 12 of you.

Obviously we all vary in our degrees of closeness and an open relationship isn’t something I’d imagine many people shout about. As it turns out, out of all of us, only one other of our group knew about them having an open relationship.

My point really is with it being that we weren’t aware of the situation or aware that this might have happened, it is unsettling to know that she found it ok to just invite a random person into the house for sex when everyone was asleep. I think really it’s something that should have been discussed or agreed to before it happened. And yes in this case, I probably would have locked my bedroom door rather than left it open

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread