Girls Trip

Ugh, YANBU - I wouldn't like this at all. Skanky, inappropriate, inconsiderate behaviour. I'd not speak to this friend again, honestly. If she wants to shag randoms let her do that on her own time rather than taint a nice all-female weekend by bringing a stranger into your space.

WTF has what this woman does got to do with your partner?

It was kind of strange to risk offending/upsetting/worrying some or all of you so much on this holiday, but not the same as bringing back a strange man to your home, and there's no reason to think that she would do that.

If it was my friend, I would rather she brought the strange man into the house to have sex with him. so if he ended up being a problem, we were all there to help her. it's better than her going off to his house or somewhere else, alone isn't it

Given a choice I'd of said no girl, you go to him.
But if I found out after I'd be miffed for 5 mins and then got over it.
I wouldn't have told my husband, it's not his business!!
I'm not sure why your DP is annoyed

Given a choice I'd of said no girl, you go to him.
But if I found out after I'd be miffed for 5 mins and then got over it.
I wouldn't have told my husband, it's not his business!!
I'm not sure why your DP is annoyed 🤷‍♀️

Very dramatic OP.

A friend sleeping over after a night out (local) versus nights away on holiday are completely different things. I highly doubt your friend would sneak a man back into another friend's house. That is a really alarmist wild suggestion. And I think making it is trying to stoke up drama and shame the woman. I don't like that at all.

I'm not sure what your dynamic is with your husband but I would have kept this to myself and maintained discretion. Now your husband thinks your friends are wild and he won't be so keen for you to spend time and money on another trip. Sorry, but it is true and you have shot yourself in the foot now.

It really would have been a good idea to focus on what you enjoyed and have minded your own business. You can be annoyed your friend did this but it isn't necessary to react or respond to every single annoying thing in life, sometimes it's best not. A lot less drama too!

But that's where you all lived. That's totally different to a group of women having a weekend away with friends .

You're being a bit OTT. By the sounds of it he left soon after so was far to busy shagging your friend to have been up to something like riffling through your undies.

*We couldn't judge her for it once we understood it's an open marriage
*
Sounds very much like you are judging her to me! Also very convenient your DH now mentions flirty behaviour to him now this has come out. Just because she has an open marriage, doesn't mean she steals people's husbands. Sounds like you both just don't approve of her/their lifestyle.

She probably was on holiday, away from her own children and husband and took her opportunity to have fun. Maybe she doesn't have much chance at home usually. Can't see how it affects anyone else, you wouldn't even know now if she hadn't said anything.

I'd also consider a man she had been messaging different to a ONS
There would be a trail back to him in the messages on her phone that would make him easier to find than just a random bloke in the pub

More of a risk for him then if he did anything

When I lived in houseshares, I locked my door at night, and I knew that I should wear a robe when going to the bathroom, because my housemates had every right to bring men home, have boyfriends or brothers or whoever to visit, etc., and they didn’t need to inform me if that was going to happen.

If I were in a holiday rental with a gang of female friends, I would happily leave my door unlocked and go to the bathroom in my pants and a t-shirt, because it wouldn’t cross my mind that one of them would decide to bring a man to stay there without giving the rest of us a heads up.

I wouldn’t judge this friend for having a ONS if she has an open relationship - I genuinely don’t care. But I would like to know that I need to a) lock my door and b) make sure I’m covered up when going to the bathroom. Sure, most randomers aren’t going to take the opportunity to harm anyone. But I have the right to decide how to manage my own safety. And I have the right to decide who gets to see the (frankly artistic) sight of me in my underwear going for a bleary-eyed pee at 2 a.m. Let me tell you now, a male stranger does not make the list of people I would permit to see that sight. And yeah, I would lock my door if a female stranger were brought back, too.

One of my friendship group back in college was murdered by a ONS he picked up. The murderer was male, but that’s not the point. The point is that I make specific decisions about my safety when there are strangers around, behind closed doors, when I am asleep. One of those decisions is based on the knowledge that people you pick up for sex can be dangerous, and I have every right to insulate myself from the potential risks of someone else’s decisions. If I don’t know about those decisions, I’m robbed of the right to protect myself. It’s the sneaking that’s a friendship-breaker for me.

Wouldn't bother me, let the girl have some fun I say

@M340 I’ll be honest, the number of times you’ve used ‘cringe’ as if it were an adjective is, well… cringe-worthy.

Absolutely furious lol he needs to get a grip

What has it got to do with your DP?

Answer: Absolutely nothing.

YANBU.

If she was sharing a room so had sex with this man in a communal area it is not on. Anyone could have got up for a drink of water, half-dressed, and walked in on them.

And as a PP said, although the risk of him assaulting someone else is minimal, it isn't zero. If she was that desperate - go to his room.

Exactly. And cringe.

Jesus what a load of hysterical reactions from yourself and your DH. The guy was vastly outnumbered and it was between 2 consenting adults. They didn't shag in the same bed or room as you. How do you think people cope in house shares!?

But I also don't get why people get worked up about the term 'girls trip.' 'Women's trip' just sounds ridiculous. I couldn't imagine texting my friends saying 'hello, fancy going on a women's trip?' How cringe.

Do you never hear the term 'girl band?' Or 'girlfriend?'
I highly doubt it's 'WomenzBand' or 'of course, bring your WOMANFRIEND.' Unclench. You don't need to be sat in the corner barking WOMAN! Everytime someone says girl band / girls trip / girlfriend. It's cringe.

If anything you, your DP and your friend are the vipers.

Over reacting about things that didn’t happen, making assumptions about your friend and what she will or won’t do at your friends house and in the company of your DP…..

As pp said no wonder she didn’t say before this what her relationship status is. I bet the WhatsApp messages have been going crazy across your group this morning

I'd think it was a weird thing to do but it's her life and I wouldn't feel in danger or anything.

I’m torn. I wouldn’t appreciate a lack of heads up so I could lock my door but the flip side is she had to go to his house (a stranger) alone so if it’s a toss up I’d rather she brought him to ours than felt forced to possibly put herself in danger

I would be annoyed. As others have said, it’s the possibility of bumping into a man you’ve never met before when you get up in the night to go for a piss, when you’re under the impression that you are in a house with only women that you know well.

Also, it’s just a bit of an odd choice while away on holiday with a group of women. I imagine most of us could get through a weekend without feeling like we must have sex with someone.