Girls Trip

Whilst I would agree it’s rather unseemly behaviour on a weekend away, I don’t really understand why your DP is furious.

With the ratio of women present I really don’t think he presented a threat.

It’s fair enough if you just don’t like what she did, but I don’t think you should dress it up to be more than it was.

But turn it around, 12 blokes in a air b&b, one sneaks in a woman for sex. Just sex. Then tells (brags) about it to the boys the next morning.

Sorry but it's a little sordid

So 12 women and 1 bloke?

What were you afraid of? He’s a brave man 😂

I always miss the point of threads.

My biggest take out was your comment that your DP was furious.

Surely the issues are around how it affected your weekend, your trust with your group of friends and your feelings- unless there are underlying issues your DP’s opinion is irrelevant.

didnt you go to uni? or have a flatshare in your twenties?? when i was at uni and living in london as a youngster, we had all kinds of random stopover guests over the years!! if we had all been furious when someone had someone back then we'd all have been celibate from 18-28!

Live a little! and your husband needs to get over it. unlikely the lucky stranger would have murdered the 12 menopausal girls tbh!

I really couldn't care less about this tbh

I honestly can't see the issue. She's your friend, so presumably you're able to trust her judgement on who she deems safe enough to sleep with. I've lived in a lot of houseshares where everyone brings back randoms all the time. You just make them a cup of tea in the morning if they happen to be leaving when you're in the kitchen!!
You do you. Let her do her.

This, being a bit creeped out by an open relationship I can understand. One man in a house with 12 women, not so much. What on earth did you think would happen?

She had a bang get over it.

sounds like jealousy could be at play… is it all a bit stale between you the the DH

I would be surprised at her behaviour but not feel the need to catastrophise about what could have happened. She didn't have to tell you all about her guest, so she seems to have wanted you all to know about her marriage. I wouldn't even be worried about her staying over in other friends' homes - surely it's easy enough to lay ground rules in advance.

Do you really believe she has flirted with your husband or would chase someone who is in a committed relationship?

I get you, OP.
It doesn’t matter if she’s single, married, open relationship, whatever…. It is weird that she would sneak someone into the house when you were all on a trip together. I would have wanted to make sure my bedroom was locked and all my belongings were in my room, but she didn’t give you a chance. I don’t know what you’re like, but if I was away with friends or family I could very well leave my phone or wallet or car keys or bag lying around in the living room or kitchen… I would trust my friends not to steal them… but that’s on the basis that they wouldn’t be sneaking strangers into the house!
I would tell her it made you really uncomfortable that she snuck someone in as you presumed it would only be the 12 of you in the house. I would tell her I don’t want to be put in that situation again, so next time you either stay in hotel rooms or you want a promise that she won’t bring other people back if you’re staying in a house. It’s no judgement of her relationship, it’s just protecting your safety.

@Franksnbeans omg get over yourselves. Maybe you and husband could do with a bit more fun in your lives!
I can't decide if you sound bitter and jealous or boring and prudish!!
She had sex with a man, on holiday, two consenting adults in the privacy of her own bedroom. What on earth is there to question your friendship about?
She was flirting with your husband, and? Obviously not so bad that it's never come up or you've ever noticed.
Her relationship and her choices are her business. You can imagine all of the unlikely things you think he might have done with 12 women but nothing happend, you survived and literally no harm has been done.
If you would let this affect your friendship I'd say she isn't losing a friend.
You're entitled to feel how you feel but just because you think it's wrong doesn't mean it is.

I go on ‘girls trips’ with a few different friendship groups. These are girls trips with lots of different types of women. It would mot be acceptable to bring a strange man back to our accommodation within any of those groups. I wouldn’t be happy. I wouldn’t go on another trip with her again.

OP I completely agree with you as a woman who has been sexually assaulted by a random man whom a 'friend' at the time deemed it 'safe' to bring into the holiday cottage with five women there.
This for me would be the end of said friendship! That she has so little regard for everyone else's safety yeah bye bye.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing I suppose!
Personally this 'friend' would be getting at the least a stern talking too and told if that is your plan either stay alone or go to him at least the rest of the ladies are not put in what could of been a very precarious and dangerous position.

She's in an open relationship. ,

OP, I think this is one of those unwinnable situations. Right now, half the people responding here think you're a paranoid loon, but if we'd all woken to the headline '12 British Women Strangled in Sleep During Villa Holiday', the immediate question would've been 'Well why did she let a random man in the house?'

It didn't happen, so your concerns over the possibility of that happening won't ever be validated because for most people, the proximity of that outcome to their own situation is so perceivably vast that it's not something they're consciously thinking about. However, it does happen, and the risk was there, no matter how small. So, how you feel about it now is up to you. I probably wouldn't go on any more holidays with her, tbh. Mostly because I like to be aware of the risks I'm taking before I take them.

The other thing is that everyone has different acceptable levels of risk. Some people love rollercoasters, others are terrified. There'll be a variety of opinions on this for that reason. I'm the type of person to be overly cautious and feel silly after rather than wishing I'd taken better precautions after it's too late. YMMV.

My mums I'm her 60s and she calls it. Girls trip, or she's seeing the girls. It's just a term that makes something that sounds more fun and freeing ans there's no harm in it.

😂

How cringe.

There's a fourth for you.

She brought a man into what was supposed to be a female only space and shagged him in a communal area. I never sleep through the night and could very easily have got up to get a drink or something. It’s not remotely the same as shared accommodation at uni. There are times when you are expecting things like this and times when you’re not. It would put me off going away with her again.

I also thought "girls trip" was a bit of an odd phase for women in their forties.

12 to 1. I think you would have been fine. Especially given he was there to shag your friend not you.

It is a bit grim and it would change my view of her as it wasn't the person I thought I knew. I get what you are saying about safety but in truth he was probably more interested in getting laid. As long as he hadn't took my purse or keys I wouldn't be too bothered about that angle.

It's literally nothing to do with your dp. You deciding to spend money on this trip so you can't go away for your dp's birthday is irrelevant too.

I wonder if your friend has really been flirty with him or if he's imagining it? Have you ever noticed that?

And your friend asking a man back to a friends' weekend away is nothing like her asking a man back to a family home. Don't be silly.