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Original poster

To really want a ONS?

60 replies

Ohshandy · 16/09/2024 11:21

So, DH and I haven’t really been in a relationship for the past 8 months, he moved out 2 weeks ago and I am not going to lie I have found it really difficult and don’t really feel myself? Is this normal? I just feel really out of sorts

we have been together for 17 years and I went on a night out on Saturday and got super drunk, I o ow probably not wise but I got talking to a guy and although I chickened out, would it be good for me to have a one night stand?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohshandy · 16/09/2024 12:09

I was really drunk on Saturday night and had to be helped into my house (luckily my brother picked
me up) I am still recovering from it. My ex just keeps going out until the early hours like he doesn’t care but I don’t think that is the right option for me as it takes me a week to recover 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohshandy · 16/09/2024 12:07

Aligirlbear · 16/09/2024 12:03

Personally I’d think of something else reckless to do - otherwise this numb / out of sorts feeling will likely quadruple if you do have a ONS. I’d say you need to be in a much more stable place before a ONS - not against them per se if it’s right for the individual , but you need to be aware a lot of mental baggage can go alongside them, particularly how you feel at the moment - and then that would be a whole new thread on MN about how bad you feel and the complications it brings 😔 i.e. so drunk not sure if he wore a condom - have I caught an STI - we exchanged numbers but he blocked me etc. etc.

Really best to take some time to process the massive changes in your life without adding additional feelings / complications and then when you are feeling more you - you can make informed choices.

It’s a massive change after being together for 17 years and there will be lots of conflicting emotions sadness / loneliness / grief / elation - be kind to yourself and take time to work these through.

Show quote history

Any other reckless ideas? 🤣

OP posts:
Aligirlbear · 16/09/2024 12:03

Ohshandy · 16/09/2024 11:44

I would never bring them to my home. I just want to get back to myself again. I have never had a one night stand and just wanted to be a bit reckless for once in my life.

Personally I’d think of something else reckless to do - otherwise this numb / out of sorts feeling will likely quadruple if you do have a ONS. I’d say you need to be in a much more stable place before a ONS - not against them per se if it’s right for the individual , but you need to be aware a lot of mental baggage can go alongside them, particularly how you feel at the moment - and then that would be a whole new thread on MN about how bad you feel and the complications it brings 😔 i.e. so drunk not sure if he wore a condom - have I caught an STI - we exchanged numbers but he blocked me etc. etc.

Really best to take some time to process the massive changes in your life without adding additional feelings / complications and then when you are feeling more you - you can make informed choices.

It’s a massive change after being together for 17 years and there will be lots of conflicting emotions sadness / loneliness / grief / elation - be kind to yourself and take time to work these through.

Original poster
Ohshandy · 16/09/2024 11:57

Augustus40 · 16/09/2024 11:53

Why is it always mumsnetters are so against ONS!

It might just boost my confidence. I gave the guy my number and he wanted to take me out for dinner the following day but I cannot reply and say sorry it’s just sex that I want 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Borninabarn32 · 16/09/2024 11:56

Nah subpar sex, you don't know they'll be compliant with contraception. If you want casual sex I'd recommend fabswingers.

Nothing wrong with wanting casual sex, but you might aswell get to see some reviews, test their attitude and see what they're working with first.

Augustus40 · 16/09/2024 11:53

Why is it always mumsnetters are so against ONS!

Original poster
Ohshandy · 16/09/2024 11:44

I would never bring them to my home. I just want to get back to myself again. I have never had a one night stand and just wanted to be a bit reckless for once in my life.

OP posts:
SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 16/09/2024 11:38

Normal response. But you must know it's a really bad idea. Obviously I don't know the background to what happened, but in a separation it's all about them not 'wanting' you so you want to feel wanted and validated. To feel something after walking around numb to the fallout you've been experiencing.

But you could behave in a way you'll regret later. ONS can put you in a very vulnerable position. Don't know if you have kids but if you bring them to yours they know where you and the kids live even if they're not there. If you go to his that's even more vulnerability to harm coming to you. You could get an STD. You could find out later the person knows your ex, your kids etc.

You really need to take time to yourself to let dust settle x

Original poster
Ohshandy · 16/09/2024 11:32

Neverstophoping · 16/09/2024 11:29

You say you don't " feel yourself" and you are having difficulty adapting to your new status since your DH moved out.

This seems like a perfectly normal reaction, especially given how long you and your DH were together.

I do think you would be wise not to jump into ons or any other relationships ATM until you are feeling a bit more in control of your emotions. You could end up doing stuff/ acting in a way that you might regret.

Let the dust settle from your marriage breakup a bit before you start hooking up with other men.

Edited

I think deep down I know that is the right thing to do. I just feel a bit numb and don’t want to feel like this anymore. I definitely don’t want a relationship

OP posts:
Neverstophoping · 16/09/2024 11:29

You say you don't " feel yourself" and you are having difficulty adapting to your new status since your DH moved out.

This seems like a perfectly normal reaction, especially given how long you and your DH were together.

I do think you would be wise not to jump into ons or any other relationships ATM until you are feeling a bit more in control of your emotions. You could end up doing stuff/ acting in a way that you might regret.

Let the dust settle from your marriage breakup a bit before you start hooking up with other men.