To really want a ONS?

Why do you need to have sex with a man to be yourself again? You need to get back to a place where you find yourself by yourself before putting yourself in a ONS situation.

Need to be a bit reckless? Go skydiving. Go on a solo holiday/retreat and do some walking and reflection. Go challenge yourself training for a 5K. Get your confidence from doing healthier things.

If a little kiss made you feel guilty I'm not sure shagging him is the right idea. I'm not anti ONS at all and am all for casual sex if it's what people want, but guilt and shame are not feelings that should ever be associated with these activities.

I understand your desire to shake things up but you have to look after yourself too.

its very very easy to get a ONS, so I’m not sure how it’d actually ‘ boost confidence’? Is it a sense of personal freedom / autonomy that is required? How could you get that in a more rewarding way? I’m not anti ONS, but I don’t think they’re therapy.

you say you feel a bit numb. Is that emotionally, sexually, or both? Impersonal sex can be emotionally numbing. Transient connections can be emotionally numbing. If you feel a bit numb, I’d be looking into self care, self love, self pleasuring, in a safe and nurturing way. You are your primary companion, and your connection with yourself is of primary import.

After being in a relationship for 17 yrs, you no longer know "yourself" single, because you've been "yourself" co-habiting. You need to understand who you are first before you start to look to fill any voids (whether that be ONS, Relationships etc)

Take some time to heal/grieve the loss of your previous self/status and find who you are.

As mentioned above, the world is a very different place, don't ever lose your faculties that you depend on the kindness of others to keep you safe. Keep your self safe. Don't get blind drunk, don't go off with random strangers to their house/accomodation. Don't believe that the friendly handsome stranger in the pub is a really nice guy, he might not be.

I am not against one night stands at all but i think they are best done when you're in an emotionally healthy place. They don't really work as a way to fill a void (excuse the innuendo lol). You can find yourself feeling worse afterwards, even without feelings for the other person. However, that's no guarantee that you wouldn't enjoy one now. You can't really know how you'll feel until you do it unfortunately. Also, I'd say the man gets more out of the average encounter physically than the woman.

Maybe you need to sit back and give yourself a bit more time to accept your marriage is over. It’s a huge thing, there’s no right or wrong way to go about this.

I wouldn't, personally. It doesn't sound like you're in the right head space.

Also, your husband only moved out two weeks ago. What happens if you have a ONS and then in a couple of months you and your husband decide you want to give your marriage another chance? Having had a ONS could ruin that.

Why would that matter?

If you want a ONS, I say go for it. But make sure you are safe - do not go out and get blind drunk again. You need to be in control of what is happening.

So what if he has? You’re only interested in a one night stand so you what does it matter if he sleeps around? Wear a condom. You’re not looking for a new husband.

If you want to have sex, go have sex. If you want to eat ice cream and drink wine then eat ice cream and drink wine. Go out with your friends, take up a new hobby, join some groups. Do whatever will give you some fulfilment and make you feel better, or just give you some fun.

Nothing wrong with a ONS (had a FWB myself for a couple of years) but you need to be in the right mindset for it. You sound a bit vulnerable at the moment and it might not make you feel better about yourself. When you are grieving a relationship it's difficult. Maybe give it a little time.

So? What’s that got to do with anything? Are you Ok?

If you want sex go have sex.
There's apps where you can explicity say what you are and aren't looking for.

Why not accept his offer of dinner, and during dinner should the conversation arise, tell him you're not after a relationship but some flirting wouldn't go amiss.

You have one life.

I’m not a prude and I’m not anti-ONS (I had quite a few before I settled down- in fact my now husband was supposed to be a ONS but it developed into something else!)

I think people are advising caution because the OP sounds vulnerable at the moment. She wants to feel wanted and desired, so she is- on some level- looking for something emotional from something that is purely physical.

That’s my interpretation anyway, and why I would advise you to give it some thought before jumping in OP. ONS can be brilliant, but they can also be damaging if you’re in a vulnerable place.

In my early 20s I had a few ONS and they were fun but I wouldn't do it straight after coming out of a relationship as emotionally you'll be all over the place.
Once you're more settled and can learn to separate emotion from sex, they can be quite fun.
So many people on MN are against ONS but if you're both consenting adults and take the necessary precautions to keep it safe then I don't see the problem.

Best way to get over a man is to get under another one.

Use protection, it's all good. BTW, you can tell the guy, it's just sex you want.

Depends on your definition of reckless 😂 you’ve tried the too much wine approach, take up skydiving , when was the last time you went away on your own ? Go on line / to the travel agent and book the first weekend away you are offered …………. Book a weekend to learn how to build a dry stone wall - anything out of character you have never done before / wouldn’t normally consider but doesn’t result in emotional baggage 🙂.

Why would this be reckless or some sort of crazy act? Who cares? I’ve had about 25 of them in my life. So what?

If you want to have sex with someone then have sex with. As long as you’re both consenting adults, who cares?

Going against the grain here, do it. You only live once. Do it, once, tell no one, move on.

Sure, it's just sex, not a moral conundrum.
This is why sex clubs exist, there will be one near you for safe, anonymous sex.