To really want a ONS?

I have to be honest, based on your posts, I really don’t think a ons would be a good idea for you. You seem too invested already in his history etc, and you’re obviously, naturally, reeling from the breakdown of your long marriage. As you said yourself, if you had negative feelings just about a kiss, you’re bound to feel those negative feelings after sex.
I have absolutely nothing against casual sex, it can be great fun, but I think you need to be in a better headspace the voice of bitter experience Just give yourself some time, some space, and maybe revisit this idea in a while. Take it easy on yourself.

Not many people text and arrange to go out for dinner with someone they intend to just have one night with, no.

You’re definitely talking about him and messaging him as if it’s for dating, and not a one night stand. Just make sure he knows what you’re looking for, so he isn’t expecting something more and then is a bit blindsided when you ghost him afterwards.

It doesn't sound 'awful' at all. It sounds like a little bit of you has reawoken after the end of your marriage. Have rocksolid contraception, use condoms, take the usual safety precautions, and enjoy yourself! (And if it's not so great, chalk it down to experience. It's no reflection on you.)

I'd do it - why not?! Just use protection and be safe

Fully agree. Go for it! Be reckless, have fun - just be safe xx

You're looking in the wrong places to boost your self esteem. Don't look to random strangers to make yourself feel better or you could end up feeling much,much worse. Give yourself a bit of time, start to feel good about yourself again and then go have fun. Don't feel like you have to 'keep up' in any way with your ex. Just concentrate on yourself.

See how you feel in a few days. When you’re drunk and getting attention it’s easy to get carried away. You might be glad you didn’t go through with it by the end of the week, or you might decide you want to do it.

if it was me, and someone else has already touched on this. If I wanted to get back with my ex and I felt like there was a chance it could happen, I wouldn’t risk it over some bouncer.

Dunno. They're a distant memory for me now, but I generally enjoyed them. Even if the sex wasn't always great, they were often a weird, intense way of getting to know someone in a very specific way for a short period.

I moved back to my home city after nearly 30 years away a few years ago, and one of the unexpected amusements has been being at the various 50ths of old friends and seeing someone come in and think 'I remember you! You lived in X Street and made me hot chocolate afterwards/bellowed like a bull in bed/had a bathroom full of Flann O'Brien novels!'

Go for it. It’s just sex.

There will be plenty of single guys happy to have no strings sex with you if you decide that is the point you are at in life right now. Why not have a think about it and decide what would make you most happy. Maybe you would like to find a regular friends with with benefits or a fuck buddy, who you can have a casual relationship with. Maybe you want lots of one off encounters. It's all out there!

Obviously be careful, work out how you can do it safely, both in terms of physical safety and your own emotional well being.

And be honest with any potential partners, as men do have feelings too (some men!) and you don't want to mislead anybody - if the bouncer guy mentioned dinner he is potentially actually looking to meet someone for a proper relationship, and that doesn't sound like that is going to be you at the moment.

Just take it at your own pace and look after yourself. Its perfectly normal for your feelings to be all over the place at the moment.

Good luck! It will get easier, I promise.

There’s nothing wrong with ONS but you do need to make sure you’re in a good place mentally first and NOT mortal drunk as it’s not safe.

ONS can be great if you accept them and enjoy them for what they are, one of my best friends loves them, always has, she loves the thrill and the high! My other friend had one for the first time a few months ago after a break up and was absolutely sick with herself afterwards, felt awful, dirty and massively regretted it. It totally depends how you are feeling in yourself, how the person behaves etc. Don’t do it if you’re not certain.

For what its worth, skip the bouncers, they shag everyone and will have forgotten your name by the following weekend, my friend shagged the bouncer of a local bar a few weeks ago, we were there on Saturday night and she was in floods of tears as he didn’t even recognise her.

I've never had the best sex from a ONS, and alcohol was always involved, only happened a couple of times. Regret isn't what I feel, but I wouldn't have missed out in life if I hadn't bothered.
You are clearly not ready to try one yet, no judgement, it's fine down the line when ready if you still want to. Just the fact that you feel guilty after just a kiss is telling. What about that is causing guilt? If a kiss gives you turmoil, a ONS will really mess with your head currently.

Have a good shag I say.

Just make sure you’re safe

Bouncers have a bit of a reputation for shagging everything that moves. Don't let that put you off though - practice makes perfect!

Just be sure what you want and know that you are very vulnerable to falling head over heels with the first unsuitable man who shows you any interest. If you just want sex then have sex (with contraception and safety in mind). Definitely know getting drunk and waking up under the club bouncer in the morning and wondering what happened please!