Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband is buying a car when I don't think he should.

131 replies

Adeil · 16/09/2024 10:55

I'm really not sure if I am being unreasonable here and would appreciate your thoughts.

This morning my husband sent me a message of links to cars to buy, out of the blue.

So, he's decided we need a second car. His reasoning:

  • our current one is too small
  • our current one is old
  • it means we can both go to different places if we want to

He's right, the car is too small (it's a Corsa), realistically, for two kids and the dog, but we manage.
It's also old, but it keeps going and doesn't really cost a lot or need much work.

So, I agree we could upgrade our current car, maybe get something a bit newer and a bit bigger. He's insistent we need a second car. Because "it means we can both go to different places".
The things is, I just don't think this is likely, we've been fine with one car for the past 10 yrs (admittedly, I only learnt to drive last year).
However, we either WFH or commutes to London - via bike, then train.
I do sometimes drive to work, but more often I bike. Both my work and the train station are walkable from our house.

At the weekend we tend to do things as a family, or one of us will take one of the kids to football club, for example.

So why would we need a second car!?
He's now basically told me, he's going to do it anyway and I'm really frustrated about it.

Technically speaking, it would be bought with money he earnt freelancing, but he's not really explained how he plans on running both cars. So I assume he's expecting me to take over costs for one - I'm not sure I could afford it tbh, but if I can then I don't want to anyway.

I'm really upset (possibly irrationally so) but I just feel like he's made this very expensive decision without even consulting me and honestly think the money (which, is not mine, but I did facilitate him earling it in that I took on all the extra childcare whilst he was working etc) could be better spent elsewhere.
I'm starting to really question our marriage (not just because of this) and I don't know if I'm being massive irrational or not?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 16/09/2024 11:14

I think you need to stop having the conversation until you can sit down and talk about it in person. It sounds as though your finances are separate, which is fine, but then you need to have a serious discussion on the impact this has on you. Personally I would look to upgrading to a larger car before adding a second, but he’s right that family logistics may well mean that two cars would be useful sooner than you think.

BendingSpoons · 16/09/2024 11:12

We have 1 small car for our family of 4. About 3 or 4 times a year it is annoying only having 1 car. The rest of the time it is fine. We decided it's much cheaper paying for the occasional taxi if needed than running a second car.

Original poster
Adeil · 16/09/2024 11:10

@GasPanic No, I agree the corsa isn't ideal, and tbh would be happy to part exchange it to get something bigger etc.
But I just can't see why he'd insist we need two cars. We really don't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Adeil · 16/09/2024 11:05

@CreativeOriginalUsername
I think you've you're right. It's more about the fact that he seems to have just decided when I think the money could be put to better use elsewhere.

I suggested part exchanging our current car to get a newer family car, rather than getting two cheap ones. But he's insistent we need two cars. I just can't see why we could need one. There's nothing we NEED to drive to, we do, because it's easier, but we don't HAVE to. If that makes sense.

OP posts:
CreativeOriginalUsername · 16/09/2024 11:04

On the face of it, it sounds like he’s right.

But it’s not about that, it’s about the lack of communication and not taking your feelings into account.

GasPanic · 16/09/2024 11:02

Don't think it is a massive luxury these days to be a two car family.

Two people, two kids and a dog isn't great in a Corsa. And small old cars in a crash are not the best.

The bigger issue is whether you can afford it. It should be a joint discussion and should be agreed together, no matter how reluctant one party is to agreeing.