Husband is buying a car when I don't think he should.

A large part of me learning to drive was that DS is disabled and regular hospital trips when DH wasn't around ( at work, etc) to drive us was getting annoying.

Doesn’t this back up his argument about the need for a second car though?

This changes things massively op.

The new car wouldn't even be for family if he's not getting car seats and putting you on the insurance. How come he gets a shiney new bigger thing and yet for family visits you'll have to use the old car anyway. His justification makes no sense.

You seem resigned to it - why don't you have a say?

I'm still worried that you say you'll be expected to take on the costs and you can't afford it,

Time for some tough words to him.

Just as an aside, if one of you DC is disabled, will you need a mobility vehicle in the future?

Apologies if I have missed this, but what kind of cars is he looking at? Are we talking a newer Corsa or a Ford Fiesta or some little (flash but impractical) sporty convertible..?

You need to look at actual figures with him, and look at where the money is coming from / is it a priority compared to something else you want.
I can see his point of view in that there are loads of reasons to have two cars - especially if one is old and doesn't have much resale / trade-in value, it is often more convenient, cheaper, and more reliable (in the sense of always having at least one car when you need it) to have two, than to try to replace with one all singing all dancing car which will cost a lot more. And it's unusual that you think you will never go anywhere separately, unless for some implied nefarious reason of his - I think you perhaps just think this because you have only recently started to drive and are not quite used to what a huge convenience it is, just to be able to get in your car and go.
As your kids get older and want to go to more and more things of their own (clubs, social stuff) it will be more and more annoying if someone has to drop them / collect them and the other has no access to transport for that time.
If one car conks out you cancel tax and insurance and get a refund so you don't pay for them on a "dead" car (like you can still be paying for a phone on a contract if you have lost it).

Really you need to both sit down, with actual numbers, and really consider the opposite point of view. He doesn't get to make unilateral decisions about family money (it is family money, because you supported him to earn it).

You don't get to make unilateral decisions about everyone's time and leisure for the next few years - you can't say "no second car, FINIS" without even discussing it because that carries loads of other consequences with it that he may not be happy with, eg: you can only go somewhere as individuals with sometimes complex negotiations; you will be stuck if / when the current car conks out, with no back up; only one person will be able to do all the driving of kids around (no chance for one person to drop a kid on the way out to something they want to do, and someone else do the pick up, for instance) - which just means that for someone all the time on a given Saturday can be reduced to useless rags between all the to-and-fro. There is an element here of someone who is not used to driving, but is used to being driven, I am tentatively suggesting, and by having two cars you can have a lot more flexibility and freedom collectively, though it may feel like less to you as an individual

I've always had my own car and I really wouldn't want to have to share with DH. I love being able to just get in and go without having to think about whether someone else will need it for something more important while I'm gone.

I know you say it's very rare that you both need it at the same time but maybe he just wants that independence. As long as he can pay for it from his own income without it impacting the family, I'd just let him get on with it.

I don't think part exchanging an old corsa will make any difference. It probably isn't worth anything but scrap.

He absolutely is unreasonable when it affects family finances.

OP time to give some thought as to how you protect yourself because his head is not in the game.

He is thinking primarily about himself.

I think it also depends on what you mean by second hand car. I see someone referencing a 4 year old Kia above, Im currently looking at cars and am looking at 2011 regs. Cars dont have to be that expensive (although for those years Im still looking to pay about 5k which is a lot of money)

He doesn't want to share a car with you from the sound of it.

The cost of the new car is a matter for discussion if it is going to affect the ‘family’ finances. If he can afford it without affecting the current finances, he should be free to go ahead. It’s not selfish, it’s called having agency.

He has no doubt spent years solely responsible for ferrying everyone about (where a non-driving male partner is often regarded on here as a red flag) and had the freedom of being able to take the car. Clearly he wants to continue to do so.

My OH and I choose and buy our own cars, and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Even though it affects the family finances?

If it's a car for his sole use, then why not just say that? Why frame it as a benefit to the family when it's for his?

He has described the car as old and not good enough but expects his wife to drive it? I didn't see any mention of how they both need a new car, just that they need two. If the old one is that bad in his eyes why not get rid of it?

Its a bullshit excuse to justify his selfishness

And if he wants to use his own money for that, why shouldn’t he be? As a grown adult he has agency and if he wants to buy his own car, he should be free to do so.

No wonder the guy is depressed, being subject to the mindset prevalent on this thread…

If you don't need a car (like you haven't for years) then sell the corsa. But then don't complain if you want to use the car at the same time as him if you are the one deciding you only need one.

The cost of running a second car have surprised me. The insurance was a shock. We recently changed down to one car because of changes to life style.
Bought a 4yr old Kia.

I don’t agree with him. 2 cars are not needed. Twice the expense, 2 to go wrong. It’s just not necessary imo to have added expense. I am v frugal though & I would love to have no car at all. How will it be paid, monthly or outright? Have you asked him if he’s wanting you to pay for one?

I would rather swish everyone in a corsa (or get an upgrade but still keep the 2 car).

This is a decision to be made together though, not just him!

My retired parents have four cars 🤣

I find it weird when people don’t have two cars, I’ve always had my own and now pool with DH but we have the freedom to take a child each and aren’t beholden to just one car. I’ve always lived in the countryside though.

I would never be without my own car personally. Keep the corsa, get a bigger second car. Who cares who drives it, its a joint enterprise surely

And I bet he becomes the main driver of the newer, better car too.

We have 2 cars mainly because my DP is very keen that we do, whereas I think we could manage fine with one and bus, cycle, walk or taxi occasionally if needed. I am happy enough with this as it would be me working out planning ahead who needs to be where and when the car is available and I do enough planning for us as it is. It is mainly the running costs as we wouldn't get much if we sold it. How are your finances if you say you would take over paying for it? Both cars come out of our joint account.

I have one that’s very new, one that’s a little bit less new, one from the 1960s and one from the 1970s. 70s is my absolute favourite. It’s louder than it is fast. My name is a clue. 😂

Which cars is you looking at? Is it similar price range of an oldish Corsa?

I can understand the need for a second car but if it's clearly putting pressure on the family finances he shouldn't just go and buy it🙄

Even if they rarely use them both at the same time, maybe it's essential that they have the option to if they needed to?

We very rarely need our second car. I take my car to work and usually can do the nursery run around that. But if my commute is longer or I need to be in the office earlier/later, my husband needs a car to be able to do the nursery run. There's no other option for us, we're rural with no taxis that would do a 10 minute round trip for my husband.