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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop dating this man for this?

182 replies

Actuallyaperson · 16/09/2024 10:14

Went on 7 really good dates with a guy. We had a really nice time and great chemistry.

Over the weekend was slept together for the first time and it was great. Admittedly, we did spend a lot of the weekend in bed, as two consenting grown-ups might do. I was definitely a very enthusiastic and consenting participant and had a good time.

The first text he sent me yesterday afternoon, however, was sex related. Not asking how my day was or what I was up to. No niceties. Just sex. We did chat about other stuff after that but it put me off.

I’ve just had another message from him this morning. No “good morning”, no formalities. Just talking about how he couldn’t wait to have sex with me again.

I was supposed to see him tonight for dinner but am short on time. We had talked about whether I might go to his place first, but I had made it clear it might not be possible.

When I reiterated today that it may just be dinner, he sent a list (A LIST!!!) of scheduling options so we could make the timing work to have sex before/after dinner.

I again reiterated that I really thought I’d only have time for dinner and he then proceeded to challenge me on why i couldn’t make the time, and why the suggestions in his “schedules” didn’t work.

Credit to him when I gave him another firm and pretty blunt “no”, he did apologise and said he was happy to wait for another time and just dinner would be lovely.

But now I really don’t want to see him for dinner either. It’s really put me off. I feel like I was a human being up to the point at which I slept with him, but now I’m just there for sex.

AIBU and over sensitive? Do I give him another chance?

OP posts:
TealTraybake · 16/09/2024 10:23

Hmmm. So for him the first few dates were simply preparing for when he could have sex. He’s not unusual in that, most men it’s really all they think about. He’s being honest about it but totally off putting. Rather than saying he’d love to meet you for just dinner anyway, as he loves your company too. He’s just admitted All he wants is sex. 🤷‍♀️
If you want more (understandable), get rid. It won’t get better.

YellowphantGrey · 16/09/2024 10:23

I'd be put off and would probably cancel tonight.

I wouldn't be sure that he wouldn't try and pressure me to go back to his after and that makes another awkward conversation because he can't accept the word no.

It's up to you though, I find once you've got the ick, it rarely goes away

FuzzyDiva · 16/09/2024 10:18

It’s early days and already you’ve been put off. I’d call it a day and move on.

MonsteraMama · 16/09/2024 10:18

Oh dear. On the one hand I understand the excitement of meeting someone you're very sexually compatible with and perhaps getting a little carried away. On the other hand if a man ever sent me a sex schedule I think that'd give me the infamous "ick".

JacquelineShit · 16/09/2024 10:18

It's up to you if you want to stop dating him but if you want to give him another chance, you need an honest conversation about his new sex obsession and how it's turning you off.

lissom · 16/09/2024 10:17

Yeah I agree, I would be upfront and say, look I loved having sex with you but it's about more than that for me, I hope for you too? He should be concerned at that and to want to adapt to your feelings.
It could just be that he is utterly bowled over, however I would make it clear to him that he needs to be romantic not too coarsely sexual only.

Alalalala · 16/09/2024 10:16

Meet him for dinner and be very clear about what your expectations are and how the recent texts made you feel?

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