To stop dating this man for this?

I’ve had a few very long successful relationships that lasted many years were we slept together on the first date and I believe they too put me in the ‘wrong category’. I need to call them and let them know.

Jokes apart, a guy who thinks you’re not ‘relationship material’ yet HE is after sleeping together on a first date is a misogynist with more red flags than a Putin convention and needs to be avoided at all cost.

I’d better tell my husband this news - he’s put me in the wrong category!

I again reiterated that I really thought I’d only have time for dinner and he then proceeded to challenge me on why i couldn’t make the time, and why the suggestions in his “schedules” didn’t work.

You are not being over sensitive. This ^ is this massive glaring red flag. You've said no and he has continued with trying pester and not take no for an answer. It doesn't matter what your reason is, this is not acceptable behaviour, nor is it the behaviour of a mature man.

I'm not surprised that you've got the ick

Ick.
Sex pest in the making.

"Tin-eared" - exactly @DesigningWoman !

That would give me the ick too OP, and once you get that “ick” it never goes away and it’s usually downhill from there (at least for me). Nothing more off putting and icky than a guy you just me pressuring you for sex.

How could anyone of average intelligence not realise that his first two texts of the day in the 48 hours after he first had sex with the woman he’s dating were only about sex, and that when it emerged their next date might be dinner- only, start trying to shoehorn sex into her tight schedule, providing her with a list of scheduling options that make sex possible in his eyes, and when she reiterates that it may not be possible, start challenging her on why his options don’t work?

I’m as enthusiastic about good sex as the next person, but this is a bit reductive and sounds tin-eared.

Yeah a bit off putting. But wouldn't make me end things- he's maybe just not realising he's doing it. See how things go for a little while longer

Sounds like me and my other half! It was all part of the fun, new and exciting getting to know each other. We've been together 6 years, have a child and still jump at the chance to get in bed together. If that initial spark isn't there, it signifies a problem IMO.

...some.people grow out of and some people never do, I meant to write!

I was just going to say this too. In fact, we pretty much always ended up cancelling plans to stay in and have sex 😂

However I knew there was more to him, we knew each other before we got together, got on really well and had a laugh. Just fancied the pants off each other and constantly wanted to be in bed! But I loved the filthy texts we used to send each other every day!

We're still the same now but also best friends and about to get married 😊

Ultimately it comes down to whether you're on the same page or not and it doesn't sound like you are...?

I’ve just had another message from him this morning. No “good morning”, no formalities. Just talking about how he couldn’t wait to have sex with me again.

I think this is a bit rude tbh. It shows to me that getting what's uppermost in his mind overrides his ability to consider others around him. Ans also that he is immature (in a way that some people grow out of) in assuming that what suits them, obviously suits everyone else so he has no need to think of you/ others as separate humans.

Hes coming across as self-centred and pushy. It might do him some good to hear you tell him this before you dump him though?

You can ditch someone for any reason. I once got out of the bath to phone someone (pre-mobiles or I could have done it from the comfort of my bath) to end things as I realised he’d bored me on our last date. I have ended things because I didn’t like their taste in novels, or their shoes, or because the way they blew their nose annoyed me, or because we had incompatible sexual styles.

Urgh no. This would absolutely gross me out too. I would tell him how he’s made you feel - then probably not see him again as I already have the ick.

I wouldn't stop seeing someone for this if I liked them otherwise, but if you don't like him focusing on sex then you need to tell him. You spent the weekend in bed with him so he probably thinks you are quite keen on the physical stuff too.

I think it really depends on what the weekend was like... i mean if you were having one of those intense incredible can't keep doing it over and over again first sex weekends then it is completely understandable for communications to be really sex fuelled immediately after and to be desperate to do it again. Only you and him can know what the vibe was! I would talk to him over dinner and see how I feel. I think if he's feeling super bowled over and insanely physically into you now, and you're not, then that is a problem.

I would probably give him one more chance if there haven't been any red flags previously, and he very upfront about exactly what it is that has upset you and won't work for you moving forward.

This way he will have a clear understanding of your boundaries and how you wish to be treated, and is on notice that you will end it if he continues being pushy. (But you really have to follow through and end it if he doesn't change the behaviour).

Unfortunately whether you agree with it or not, 7 dates is not enough to know a person properly and sleeping together so soon makes a lot of men put the woman in the sex only compartment and dismisses them as being relationship material.

You can argue away about it but it happens all the time and there are many posts on here of it happening over and over.

The problem with dating now is that things like 'the ick' and 'instincts' are all well and good in person but don't take into account text miscommunication. If you liked him for 7 dates and the sex was good, meet him for dinner, be blunt as in 'the weekend was great, but I
I'm looking for a lot more than just sex and messages arranging sex, what about you?'. Perhaps he got carried away. Maybe he's just flipped into pest territory. If he's been nice previously and has apologised I would give him the chance to redeem himself but only really the one chance, you're not looking for a teenage boy.

He obviously really enjoyed it and maybe can't stop thinking about it, which is normal when 2 people have got together in the butterflies stage. Just tell him you really enjoyed it but you don't want everything to be about that, you still want dinner dates without expectation as before.

I get why you feel the way that you do.

I would assume he just thinks you’re on the same page as him, especially if you had a weekend in bed together.

I would say that you like him and you enjoy having sex with him but you want an actual relationship and not just one based around sex.

Tell him that sex for you is secondary to other parts of the relationship and you don’t want to feel like that’s the only reason he wants to see you.

Well, back in the honeymoon dating phase with DP we were both trying to schedule time for bedroom fun! Seems like maybe you're not that into him? Or not as interested in sex? I dunno, if you don't wanna see him again just because of this then good luck in the dating field.

I would probably be very direct and say something like ‘If all you’re interested in now is sex then I think we are looking for different things.’

His reaction should tell you whether he’s only in it for sex or whether he just really, really enjoyed the weekend and is a little over excited about repeating it, but does actually value you for you and just needs it pointing out how he’s coming across.

Do this. Then follow your instincts.

If he is this pushy in the early stages, I’d be worried. Have dinner if you like to set out ground rules and see if he’s just over enthusiastic, but if your instincts say no, then follow your gut.