To stop dating this man for this?

I never gave birth through my vagina (not that it matters but I’ll throw it there too as it seem to matter in this thread), usually when I start dating someone at the very beginning I’m more interested in having dinner with them and getting to know who is this stranger I’m about to embark in a relationship with than in shagging them. I need to make sure he’s not a serial killer and I’m not going to end up dead in a basement, it probably takes me 10 dates to figure that one out, call me thick.

@LemonPeonies

Resorting to such nonsense? There are men on this forum you know, and given your attitude, and the fact that nobody can see you, it's not unreasonable to suspect that you might be one of them. A teenage boy, going by the nature posts.

And thanks, but I've never had a problem with dating. I don't need to resort to sex to keep a man interested.

Oh and I agree there's more to a relationship but that's more long term, when you've been together a while. It's unlikely so many would have sex so low down on priorities in the first few months of dating.

I'm a woman, gave birth through my vagina thank you very much. I'm sorry you can't take a difference in opinion without resorting to such nonsense. If you're more interested in going out for dinner than having sex with a new partner then you need to find someone with the same low interest, which will be difficult and he's free to find someone just as interested as he is.

No I wouldn't, like I said I'd lose interest pretty quickly. I'd probably suggest takeaway and bed, plenty of time for both then.

@LemonPeonies
Just wow. You're either a bloke, or an extreme outlier amongst women. There's a lot more to a relationship than sex, I strongly suspect that very, very few women would be happy with this.

Justify the inability to accept and understand no however you choose.

If someone says No, it's not then up to the other person to try and force them to sleep with them, just because they've done it all weekend.

No wonder men get away with such predatory behaviour

You seem to be glossing over the fact that she said no and he ignored that and instead are trying to make her the problem by saying its normal behaviour to want sex all the time and that he was right to do what he did when she said no.

And don't even start again with the "I'm guessing you're not into me that much" claptrap which is emotional blackmail at best

It does not matter how often you sleep with someone, if they say no, they mean no

The guy sounds like he’s pretending to be interested in a proper date when all he wants sex. We don’t want to feel like a vagina.

When I reiterated today that it may just be dinner, he sent a list (A LIST!!!) of scheduling options so we could make the timing work to have sex before/after dinner.

^

OMG

Just no

No I wouldn't, like I said I'd lose interest pretty quickly. I'd probably suggest takeaway and bed, plenty of time for both then.

She said dinner only because of other commitments.

Why is it acceptable for him to challenge it but not for her to say no?

Would you really enjoy sex if you had to badger your date into bed?

It's not patronising to suggest the majority of people will be excited about sex if they've been on several dates with someone, spent a weekend in bed. I would expect more of the same so soon in, not a sudden lack of enthusiasm. Personally I would lose interest if my date started suggesting dinner only and would wonder about lack of interest, as many others would.

lol, the classic dating paradox. Both parties enjoy sex, and probably want sex, but the guy has to pretend he is indifferent about sex at all times so as not to seem like he is just there for sex.

On the plus side, at least you both enjoyed it. Clearly he did!

He's acting as if he is entitled to sex now that you've done it. This would give me the ick too.

But the difference is you were both in agreement at all times.

She told him Tuesdays date would be dinner only and he tried to change the time to have sex before or after, she said no then he sent a whole list of times and tried to force the sex into it and when she said no again, he began to challenge her about it.

That's where the problem is and the ick, he appears not to be able to understand the word no.

OP should be patronised and told "good luck in the dating field" because she has recognised a potential red flag where a man can't accept the word no.

Not unreasonable to be put off, I would be too.

Sex is important but one of the biggest indicators to me on if someone sees me as something more than that is by how they act when sex isn’t on the cards - such as if they still want to go for dinners etc on the days when we’re going home separately afterwards.

I remember once being out shopping, guy I was dating was at work but messaged to say he was leaving and if I was finished he’d come pick me up from the shopping centre (completely out of his way after a 12 hour work day) to save me getting a train, which he did and just dropped me home. Nothing in it for him at all. I find the little acts of service really important, and maybe you are similar?

This. But to suggest taking longer to get to know someone, and be wooed properly is not to be encouraged, it would seem.

Ugh

Personally I'd move on. I don't see the point in having a conversation about it to tell him how it makes you feel. All that does is give him the blueprints for how to tell you what you want to hear. He is who he is.

Yes it's definitely tin eared, perfect description.

If you really don't want to go, that's absolutely fine, the scheduling was a lot in particular.

I just feel a lot goes awry via text. If all was well beforehand and he did apologise I might be inclined to see what happens in person, no expectations. Especially no expectations of sex.

Only because you've spent a fair amount of time together.

Before meeting DP, I got quite big on trying to bring dating into the real world and away from texting as much as possible and found it made understanding people's motives a lot easier, even when matches didn't work out in the end.

I actively wanted to have sex very early on to check compatibility. Nothing worse than falling for someone and discovering weeks or months in that you’re totally sexually incompatible.

This seems like a very odd approach to me. In my experience, couples become sexually compatible when they learn more about each other, and what the other person likes. It's not the sort if thing you can just decide after sleeping with someone for the first time!

I'd like to think I would have replied to the first Morell's straight into the sex text with 'who this' ?

It might seem shallow and I'm all for good sex but it really, really has to come in an interesting package for me.

Maybe one conversation but I'd just really not want to have to police him in this way. Pity. But there it is .

Blech this would turn me off. But I dated someone who talked about sex all the time so I have ptsd when it comes down to things like this

he then proceeded to challenge me on why i couldn’t make the time, and why the suggestions in his “schedules” didn’t work.

It's this part more than anything that would completely put me off. And I don't know why you're crediting him for backing off at the second "no," because it shouldn't take a second one.

But now I really don’t want to see him for dinner either. It’s really put me off. I feel like I was a human being up to the point at which I slept with him, but now I’m just there for sex.

Don't second guess yourself. Your reading of him is that he sees you as a sex object, and it's probably correct as you are the one who's spent time with him. If you do meet him for dinner, what are the chances that he is going to push for sex and you have to say no a third time? If you think it's more than 0% then he isn't a good one.

SEVEN dates is soon????

I never had 7 dates with anyone without having sex, more like 3 or 4

happily married for 24 years now so it clearly didn’t put hubby off

Never made any difference to the length or quality of my relationships either. I actively wanted to have sex very early on to check compatibility. Nothing worse than falling for someone and discovering weeks or months in that you’re totally sexually incompatible.

I must also be in wrong category as has never made a difference if I sleep with them on first date or not. Always been in very long term relationships.

I could see this happening in some of my relationships where we were at it like rabbits and would have moved things round to sleep together at every opportunity and conversations were very sex focused.

But it bothers you so talk to him about how it has made you feel. I think a bit quick to bin him really, but you have to be comfortable.