To go nc with Dsis over private school ?

Carry headphones and the minute your dsis starts just put them on.
Everytime.

No contact sounds a bit drastic for this. Better to tell her that you're bored stiff with discussing this overworked subject and see if she stops, or indeed goes off in a huff of her own.

As for tolerating her bullying bitchy snark - absolutely not. Clearly you are at the end of your tether with it anyway, so that's not an option.

She is having a go at your parenting and bringing it up in front of your child - which, whether subtle or not, is shitty behaviour, and it doesn't sound like she's planning to stop.

So if you can't prevent her from being so unpleasant every time you see her then yep avoiding her tantrums and snark for a while is a good plan, for a bit of peace if nothing else.

Being related to someone doesn't mean being their dogsbody and punching bag. She needs to learn to shut her trap and mind her own affairs. If she refuses to do that, cut down contact till she gets the hint. If she never gets the hint and keeps on bullying, that's on her.

I think id go NC just because she is a teacher.
Honestly it is over the top op.

It's a ridiculous reason for going NC with someone - yes, she has strong opinions on the matter and won't shut up about it, but some people are annoying. She is part of your family and if you stop speaking to people it can be very difficult to re-establish a relationship later on. You just need to cut the conversation off as soon as it starts: 'sorry, I'm not talking about this again, we don't agree and that's fine' as soon as she opens her mouth.

I've said YABU because going non contact seems over the top.

Horses for courses, it sounds like your choice of school suits your son and your sister's choice suits her daughter.

In your shoes I'd just shrug my shoulders over the snide comments.

If you don’t want to have a calm, direct conversation with her then grey rock her and then change the subject every single time she brings it up? No need to go NC for this as it will have far-reaching consequences for something that is fairly trivial, although irritating.

We have had a similar situation in reverse when in-laws moved DNiece to private in y2 and our DS was y3. SIL prattled relentlessly everytime we saw her about how amazing the private school is and being she can’t imagine her DD being back in the state sector because it’s so terrible. Pretty much all the relatives were getting sick to death of listening to her, as well as some feeling pretty offended. DH and I decided to grey rock her and she has slowly but steadily toned it right down in the last few months. It wasn’t worth going NC for.

I've read every single one of your comments.

And with every one, has come more superiority and more ridiculous denial that you're just as provocative as your sister.

As if she's saying all this to someone who's mouth never moves 🙄

The two of you are as bad as each other, but you're the one throwing your toys out of the pram, considering going NC but only until you've managed to get your way and silence her.

Not going to happen.

Seems a bit petty and an over the top reaction. I don't think private schools should be allowed and certainly not opt into different GCSE boards that are (albeit rumoured) to have more lenient grade boundaries however it's up to others how they wish to spend their money. Envy gets us nowhere.

@Maria1979 go nc until they are at uni age. She can then be snidey over universities instead

She’s jealous. No matter that she had the opportunity, this behaviour is as much about her convincing herself as convincing you.

Can you not honestly just not care? I had a cousin who raved ENDLESSLY about her boyfriend being the sexiest man alive. She worried particularly when they went out running in the park as other women would stare and eye him up. One woman was literally running her eyes up and down his legs would you believe?’ Well I can completely believe it: they were the most blindingly white, scrawny, knock-kneed rooster-like legs you can imagine and I actually had to stop myself gasping in horror when he unveiled them at a family barbecue. Accordingly her raving on didn’t affect me in the slightest. Try to know you don’t agree and let it slide off you. I used to find it hilarious!

Re "clamping down with moody silence" comment.

It's great she never suggested clamping down with moody silence then isn't it :)

Avoiding a tantrum throwing bully of a sister is a very good idea and absolutely the correct, adult approach since talking to her hasn't worked.

Would you consider going for CBT or counselling? This isn't about the school, or your sisters opinion of schools. This is about a communication problem between the two of you, and boundary issues. Counselling would give you some tools to manage the situation differently.

Going NC because of a difference of opinion over schooling is way OTT - even if sister is being a knob about it.

It'll settle down in time. Presumably you're talking about current Yr7? In which case they've been in school all of 5 minutes, and this is fresh "front and centre" news. It'll all calm down by Christmas.

Like she says things while looking at me provocatively as waiting for le to say something which I don't.

Yes you do 🤣🤣

Everytime she talks about the school, tell her you don't want to hear it and it needs to stop or ignore it and don't respond or change the subject.

If you're happy to never see or speak to her or her children again, then go no contact but think about it carefully

Also, completely and totally ignore people moaning about private versus state schools. You have made it clear that you are fine with her going to whatever school she wants and that your school works for you. Nobody here has the tiniest idea of what your school is like and clearly you and your child love it.

And that is absolutely all that matters.

The private school issue is extremely triggering for certain types. If you had raised it as another issue about which your sister was bullying and bitching at you you'd have gotten a much more sympathetic audience.

It most likely is a better school hence why they are paying for it.

The OP's not paying for it, her Stepmother is.

Which is another reason the OP needs to rein in the superiority.

In case the financial help dries up, and her kid ends up slumming it in her niece's school.

No-one can remove that amount of egg from their face.

You know clamping down with moody silence until you get your own way can be a form of tantrum too.

Just tell her op that you need to agree to drop the issue and accept each other’s choices. Then organise something together where you agree not to talk about it, go and learn to interact on other topics.

The school will be better in the way that you describe. If you claim to have moralistic issues with that then that’s a different argument.

I don’t subscribe to such views at all and think that many claim to hold such objections as a defence mechanism as much as anything else.

How many parents consider the state school options when they move house? Do you also have a moralistic issue with that?

Is anyone else beginning to side with the sister!!

Your opinion is based on your impression via one child. She’s a teacher.

OFSTED- the least said about that the better, and especially when you’re comparing schools with about double the funding per head and (probably) with a very small number of SEN kids and children who don’t speak English as a first language.

Honestly I really do think you need to reconsider your own prejudices and accept that private schools are not necessarily better schools- they might just have fewer pupils, more money and fewer hurdles to overcome. But the standard of teaching might be better in state schools, kids may be better self-starters and have more common sense for example, and may also be more prepared for the world of work and better able to socialise/ empathise with people from all walks of life. You take your choice as a parent but it’s not completely binary.