To go nc with Dsis over private school ?

What suits one child, does not suit another. Its is up to the parents in conjunction with the child to make the right decision for their child. We are allowed to disagree and if asked, explain why. What we shouldn't do is keep harping on about it and stirring up trouble. The exception being when there is serious risk/harm to the child which clearly isn't the case here.

OP - Just talk to her, give her one last clear chance, she may not realise how upset you are about the constant criticism and you just need to set a firm boundary.

But that's just one school.

The difficulty here is that a. it's a sister and b. that the subject is private schooling on which a lot of people have strong feelings.

If you had a friend who, every time you saw her, told you that your job was crap and hers is so much better, would you stay friends or would you do a slow fade?

It is over the top to go non-contact.
You don't come across well in your posts to be honest. You sound as bad as her but to be fair to you, maybe that's because you are at the end of your tether with it all.
I think you should have a conversation with her and tell her that going forward you will not be participating in any discussion about the children's schools. You are happy with your choice and your son is happy there and she is happy with her choice and her daughter is happy there so that's all that matters.
And then If she starts again, you can say "We agreed not to discuss this", or you let her go on and then say "So, anyway...." and change the subject to something completely random like "Did you see such and such on Netflix?" "Have you seen the council are changing the parking machines to app only?", something completely mundane.
Or stand up and walk out of the room.
Do it every single time and eventually she will get the hint or get bored and stop.
She does it because she knows she's getting a reaction out of you, even if you think you are not reacting to it.

One ''top of the league'' school had a child jump out of a window he was so badly bullied.

His ankles were broken.

In chalk was written ''Try harder next time, {name}''

I saw this with my own eyes - the graffiti.

This was years ago,{Chalk}

Bullying definitely went on as friend's brother got a complete bursary to go there, and he was bullied as a ''Poor boy''.

Just because there are bad private schools and good state schools doesn't mean that every private is bad and every state is good

Neither does it mean that one is as likely to be bad as the other

It's pretty clear to me that there is an advantage to private schooling in many cases

/ that's wrong and the choice to go private should be purely based on snob value not education quality , but it's where we are today

Just ban the subject. My kids have gone to state school and 7 of their cousins (2 different families) go to private school. One a very expensive school. It’s never been an issue, they have never made a comment about our state school option and we have never made a comment (to them) about their private school choice.

Some of them are still in school but the ones who have left didn’t achieve higher grades than my children who went to state. They sent their congratulations and sent a cake when my DD achieved all 9’s a few weeks ago. I did jokingly say yes and it was all free but of course never would. Plus going private isn’t just about getting good grades and it’s never a level playing field for judging grades.

Proof of state primary being good.

No-one in a private school has ever been obnoxious, been bullied or been a bully.

Nope, not ever.

And finally -- of course you cannot ever force someone to behave like a normal, decent person and no amount of chats or persuasion will change her unacceptable behaviour if she doesn't want to change.

Your sister should have learned to shut her trap and mind her own business by now.

She knows what she is doing, but has chosen to keep scolding and bitching.

I can guess at her reasons, but really the reasons aren't actually important as it's not your job to tolerate her bad behaviour and you can't fix whatever issues she has that are causing her to lash out at a close relative for no reason.

The only control you do have is over your own behaviour. Tolerating the intolerable is a pointless course of action as it only ever results in more of the same.

So yep, as she won't take the hint, avoiding her for as long as you feel is necessary is a good solution. You have an absolute right to boundaries and she has no right at all to continue trying to bully you.

Maybe when she doesn't have a punchbag and doormat around to scold she will consider what she's done to earn your absence.

Maybe not. Either way you won't have to feel miserable waiting for the bitching and snarking to commence each time you see her.

If nothing else, you've earned a break from her bullying.

Do you get on with your sister otherwise? She is entitled to her opinion but I agree she shouldn't keep harping on about it and bringing it up but its a bit harsh to go no-contact without trying to resolve it if she is otherwise OK and I assume she is as you seem to see a fair bit of her.

I would sit her down when you are on your own and tell her how you feel and tell her its OK to disagree, but repeatedly bringing it up for no good reason is winding you up and its making you very uncomfortable. Have an argument if you have to but set the firm boundary. Then if she keeps bringing it up, walk away until she sees sense. She may not know how annoying she is being.

You allege that 33% of the children behave 'obnoxious' {sic}. Are you actually in the classroom to witness this?
Your sister obviously has her reasons for choosing state schools- often the teachers are far 'stronger' in my experience in state schools, and very dedicated.

{I'm not a teacher, but know some. The state primaries around here are ''Outstanding'' so probably varies by area.

Well she's not that intelligent. A GCSE is a GCSE , doesn't matter how wealthy you are , you can't pay for a good GCSE grade!

Just take no notice fgs
You both sound as bad as eachother. She's made her choices and you've made yours, you both obviously think you're doing the right thing for your children.
If she makes comments just ignore and move on

Comments once or twice fair enough, not to the extent that you have been receiving.

Then again...I asked my older sister (politely) to stop undermining me and she didn't talk to me for two years so who knows?

NC, imo, is too harsh.
Try instead to bluntly change the topic every time, or blatantly excuse self from the conversation. Have a diff topic ready, you don’t need any excuses for your decision.

I’ve a super annoying SIL, always goes straight for the uncomfortable or impolite discussion,

Try
It’s great we are both so happy with our school decisions.
Great our DC both thriving at school

She opens her mouth and starts & I say:
Sometimes I shush her - Shush, this is not for the children to hear … later please (never a later time).
Oh, did you know they will be doing roadworks, buses cancelled, new series on Netflix?
Oh, sorry I need rest room, drink of water? Find a tissue, need to write something on my list before I forget
Having you been watching….!
SIL, just not now, ok?

If she’s persistent, I just say, I don’t want to talk about this now.

She is miffed, but she usually then speaks to someone else.

So either immediately agree she made a good choice.
Change topic
Excuse self
or blunt
Yes, I know ! Let’s talk about something new!

NC sounds a bit nuclear. Just send a message - DSis,I respect your knowledge of education of course but I've been upset at the way you keep comparing DS and DN's schools. It may sound extreme but I'm writing to ask you to please stop offering your opinion on our choice of school for DS. Next time you do, I will immediately change the subject.

She sounds intensely irritating but it is over the top to go NC. Low contact maybe. But also I support the suggestion to respond “boring” to every dig.

would love to go nc with my bil and sil. Sil is a teacher at a comp and she loathes it and works very part time because the environment is so awful; their daughter (dn) is the same age as dd and we are expected to nod and smile at how stupid we are to pay fees but at the same time agree that dn’s comp is brilliant because they have a language teacher (but you can’t choose which language - it’s allocated by computer. Bad luck if you have a family member who speaks or teaches the language you’re not allocated (as is the case here)). I would never dream of mentioning dd has the choice of five languages taught by specialist teachers as that would be crass - but they don’t think it’s crass to laugh at us for paying fees.

We studiously avoid EVER mentioning DD’s opportunities, have them laugh in our face about VAT being added to school fees and have to applaud every little thing dn’s school does which should be basic entry level of what a school should provide. We’re using inheritance to pay school fees - the same inheritance bil and sil have spent on holidays, cars and their house.

so I feel your pain but just try shut it down before it takes off. For my part I just avoid seeing bil and sil as much as possible!

Indeed. Certain types get super triggered about private schools on this site. The sister could have slapped her and some would still try to find a way to defend the indefensible.

Every time she mentions it say " you are boring me yet again" or Are you still rattling on about this, it's getting to very tedious" She will soon flounce.

The way you’re posting on this thread leads me to wonder if you’re both as bad as each other. You sound like 5 year olds fighting over which Barbie doll is better. It’s pathetic. Your children will be picking up on it.

I think k if you were state and your sis private this thread would have gone differently

She is continually putting you and your choices down; she is deliberately baiting you

Had she done this in the past with different topics ? Is schools just the latest in a long line of digs at you?

I have an old friend who has “hobby subjects” that she bangs on about to the point that people can’t stand to talk to her.

Not private school (yet). It’s mainly about politics and there will be an issue du jour which she will talk about at the slightest hint for hours if allowed to do so. This usually lasts 6-12 months until the next burning topic comes up. And while the topic is in vogue you can’t talk about anything else.

It isn’t that I necessarily disagree with her on all these things I just find it tedious and heavy handed being expected to devote so much time to this and to the exclusion of other things.

I have started being very direct with her and I now say “you have five minutes on the trans lobby/the Labour Party/feminism/pharmaceuticals for mental health, and then we are going to change the subject. I am not going down that rabbit hole with you today.”

It works. She knows I love her but she has also learned that it’s unreasonable to be expected to dominate the conversation like this.