To go nc with Dsis over private school ?

Ah! That makes sense. A bit less exciting, but logical.

See my above link.

PBP = Previously banned poster

Easy technique - 3 word stuck record

She brings up school, you say "we've covered this".

And repeat as many times/occasions as necessary until she gets bored.

No contact is OTT. Why not just say ‘shall we just agree to disagree and talk about something more interesting’.

All I and anyone else can do is go on what the OP says, given she knows her sister and we don't.

And she says she can afford it.

Haven't read the whole thread but your sister's suggestion that private schools 'give out good grades because the parents are paying for it' is utterly ridiculous. That's not how public exams work! I'm not sure examiners even know what school kids attend when they mark papers - even if they do, it wouldn't make any difference to the results. GCSE and A-level grade boundaries don't have anything to do with school fees - that's actually a mad thing to say.

The acronymI want to know is PBP which the deletions in this post have used.

“ Posted before pondering?” ; “Posted by pig-ignorant!”; “ Pointless, bigoted post?”

Wouldn't mind betting there's a whole history behind this - it reminds me of episodes of Frasier where they start dragging up ancient grievances against each other.

You are being a bit silly. She is entitled to her views on private schools. And you taking subsidies from inlaws to pay the fees, she probably doesn't approve of that either,

Just be an adult and say you don't want to discuss it.

Dh’s sister thinks we can afford it- she sent hers to private school. We absolutely can’t, even with bursaries. We did the sums.

i would be surprised if a teachers salary stretches to private school.

given their relationship I’m surprised o/p knows enough details about her sisters income and outgoings to be able to say what she can afford. Maybe she has debts, maybe her preference is to see them through uni debt free. Maybe she can afford it but it would be tight and they’d have to cut down on other areas she’d rather not.

if she’s been a teacher her salary won’t have been massive to be able to put aside sums for private school.

regardless imo the two siblings/gc are being treated differently and I do not agree with that.

I think next time she brings it up you should say something like, “I’m sorry you’re feeling so insecure about your choice of school. You keep bringing it up all the time as though you’re trying to convince yourself. I’m happy with my son’s school - hence I don’t feel the need to talk about it all the time or criticise other people’s school choices”.

Hopefully that will stop her, but you might have to repeat it once or twice to get the message across.

You don’t go no contract “for a while”. You go non contact if you never want to have anything to do with someone every again. It’s pretty much a permanent arrangement.

What you would be doing is “sending her to Coventry”. Which is petty and childish.

Just tell her you need to agree to disagree on this one and won’t discuss it further.

Well she had really. That’s exactly what going NC “just until” her sister does what she wants effectively amounts to. It’s using NC as a manipulative tool.

Nearly threw up reading that.

I seriously doubt anyone is going to support the suggestion of going NC with a sister over a battle between chocolate cake vs Victoria sponge.

So I’m not sure the answers would differ… Anywsy, everyone knows it’s chocolate cake.

The OP said her sister could afford it.

Acronyms list here.

I wouldn't go not contact but I would refuse to discuss it.

We went through a really difficult time with my exhusbands family when my daughters cousin got scholarships in to two well known privates schools, but that wasn't the problem. Her Dad wanted my parents and I (he wasn't offering any cash himself!) to pay for her to go to private school and kept pushing his views on to us (he wife works at very well known public school). Lots of comments too about how clever her cousin was and how he's the clever academic one of the family etc in front of her (she's 17). I just had to tell them all in the end that it was inappropriate for them to keep discussing this with her and comparing her exam results, GSCE grades etc, I don't discuss my children with each other and I don't expect other people to discuss her school report either.

Anyway, its died down now, we don't discuss it and they have stopped. You have to do what is best for your children and you have to have a proper conversation with her to shut down the noise.

I can understand why her constant needling is pissing you off.
But to go NC is a huge over reaction.
Just speak to her and explain that you've made your choice, and she's made hers, and you really don't want to discuss it further.
If she continues to push the subject, don't engage with it. And, if that still doesn't work, just don't see her socially. You don't need to go NC; just act like an adult (even if she won't).

I'd take the resentment out on the person with the cash then not the sis

Looking to excuse the poor behaviour of the sis ? I guess that's admitting sis is behaving badly

The o/p said stepmom is contributing, not paying the whole amount.

she may not be able to afford it even with a contribution. Or even if sm is paying most- there are many costs like uniform, trips, books, supplies, sports kit on top.

tbh as a step mum and mum there’s no way I’d give one grandchild a shit load of money for private school and the other zilch. Whatever the reason. I’d give both children the same amount, if one wants to spend it on private school and the other on their mortgage, that’s up to them.

i’d be a bit resentful if I was offered a fair old amount of money on condition I spent it on private school I couldn’t afford.

Not the point but our local state secondary offers classics, Latin and mandarin 🙈😂

I think education is something where everyone wants to feel they have made the best choice. So just don't discuss it. Say you appreciate her insights but you are happy with your choices. If you are competitive then it will irritate her even more.

I do think there is an element of private schools needing to justify the fees so a lower initial score and a higher end of year score. As a PP has said, external grades from GCSE will evidence it. I must say our local privates don't do any better than the local states at the higher end (grades in top set versus private) but there are less failing kids simply because the private won't accept them in the first place. Do private schools do standardised scores? Surely that will give an indication of national performance at a younger level?