To ignore Christmas

Your parents sound a lot like my family OP and I understand.

Years ago, after my my mum decided - on 23rd December - she wanted to cancel coming to us and instead do dinner then tried strong arming everyone in to going to her (despite the fact that we'd already bought everything) I decided enough was enough.

I love Christmas but hadn't enjoyed the actual day in years so the following year, we went away to Iceland. It was totally different, absolutely lovely and completely drama free. Amazing!

Doing that seemed to break the cycle and no one just assumes they'll see us anymore, they ask and are considerate of our plans. We switch between Christmas at home and away and it's much better.

Have a think about how you want to spend Christmas and do that. Then when the subject comes up you just say "We're having a quiet one just us/we're going away/we've booked to go out for dinner" and ignore any nonsense that follows

IMO it’s infinitely better - and far less of a rush for the cook - to plan to have it at 5 or 6. By its nature it’s often a late-ish affair anyway.

We used to have it at around 3 - until the year (ages ago now) when I had too much Buck’s Fizz (just for a change) and completely forgot about the roast potatoes, so we ended up having it at 5 ish. When TBH everyone was that much more ready for it. (And the turkey kept hot, no problem.)

The timing works fine with young children, too - we just give Gdcs something quick and simple for their lunch at around their usual time.

I've ignored it for years (no DCs), we've either gone away or just had it low key me and DH. DHs parents aren't bothered, they also like to do their own thing.

My DM drops hints every year about coming to us, but we are 300 miles away and she refuses to make any effort to get herself here, so in the absence of a miraculous chauffeured pick up and drop off service, she goes to my DSis who lives down the road from her (who doesn't mind, I have checked).

I quite like Christmas (mainly for the time off work and the fairy lights), but I am not prepared to spend it inconveniencing myself and rushing about just so that other people get the Christmas they want, and then go back to work knackered and annoyed.

I saw something on here once that said better to feel guilt than resentment. Apply that!

My DC are young adults now, and Christmas is fab. I don’t get remotely stressed, but tbh I have very robust boundaries so I don’t commit to anything I don’t want to do.

If you don’t enjoy it, just go away and have a lovely holiday.

We normally have DD her DH and grandsons at some point between the 23rd and new year's day as their jobs mean they aren't necessarily off work. This means that some years there's only 3 of us. Last year we did Indian roast lamb and sides from the takeaway.

This year god knows, or house is on the market and our tentative purchaser has to sell theirs. If we move before Christmas it will be an automatic family Christmas but if we don't just the three of us again.

I miss our old family Christmases when we had the children,both lots of parenting and my grandmother. Hopefully next year my DS will be able to join us as the new house is big enough for us all

I find Christmas so stressful. Already hearing a lot about it and it’s only blooming September

I quietly quit on Christmas a number of years ago OP and it was one of the best things I've ever done. We live far enough away from both of our families that they don't come to us, so that made it a lot simpler, but the last time we travelled to my DM's for Christmas she was moaning that she's fed up of doing Christmas, so I said 'Fine, we won't come again' and we never have. It's just the four of us now and it's lovely! We always go away straight afterwards too.

Unless you’ve got children, in which case I think it’d be a shame - you are entirely free to do what you want.

If more people who CBA with Christmas, or who actively dislike or hate it, would just ignore it, maybe we’d be spared all the moans about ‘consumerism’ (which nobody’s forced to buy into) 🎄goods in shops too early, people’s trees/decorations up too early, 🎄 cards being a waste of money, bad for the planet, etc.etc.

I agree with @Calamitousness. Host Christmas if you want. If you don’t enjoy it, stop. Don’t do it while seething with suppressed rage that everyone’s appetite, timings etc don’t conform to your timetable. Kids hate being dragged away from new toys at Christmas and just want to go home. People often eat enormous breakfasts at Christmas on the assumption that dinner will be late.

None of that sounds that bad and kindly maybe you’re being a bit sensitive both you and your DH.
I mean making a big brekkie on Xmas day is normal and I’d expect it. You could also then eat a dinner hours later so not really getting that, unless you est your Xmas meal at lunchtime which is bizarre to me too but we agree with everyone invited what time the meal is so people can plan their days food before they arrive.
mand leaving after a meal is ok too. Especially if a child is overcome and they usually want home to play with their gifts. As a host I look on that as a bonus. Get to enjoy family and then they don’t hang around too long.

We just do Christmas at home for the 4 of us, we don't leave the house and we don't invite people over (tiny house!)
It's bliss. Dreading the day my youngest is older as I won't have the excuse to stay home anymore,

But Xmas with no presents no fuss sounds lovely! It's all commercial these days.

I think unless you have small kids Christmas is a time to do what you want. Other than visiting elderly relatives who might feel alone that time of year. I’m all for Christmas being a day for a long walk then films in front of the fire with something comforting to eat. I’d rather a nice stew and dumplings but DP thinks I cook the best roast potatoes so this year we will probably still do a roast but just a chicken instead of Turkey. I still love getting a tree though and going out to the panto but I won’t be doing loads of presents and entertaining and buying allll the cheeeessee

We rotate a bit but celebrate two traditions - European celebration on Xmas Eve and then again on Xmas day for the English folk. We rotate the Xmas eve in terms of hosting but the English side do not reciprocate... and ask us what we are up to each year 🙄 So this year we booked to go to New York for Xmas 🤘🎄 #revange

We had one Christmas on our own where we were both tired and so we ended up delaying our Christmas dinner to St Stephen's Day. If you don't invite anyone then you can do what you want.