To ignore Christmas

Honestly, we’re not doing Christmas at all this year. It overwhelms DD (8) who is autistic and it ends up just her screaming all day and us not actually enjoying ourselves. So Christmas Day will just be me and DD and our dog having a movie day at home!

It sounds like your description of the things you hate about Christmas is the things you hate about family taking the pee at Christmas. Have Christmas for your household only, go out for a nice meal or go away. Just tell everyone you need some quality time together. I'm sure they'll cope particularly given they come not hungry or run off at their convenience

MeAgainAndAgain That's fascinating. I know a man who always does his tax return over Christmas because he doesn't celebrate at all, coming from a different culture.

I bet some people do theirs just to get out of boring family get togethers. You could probably sit on the sofa, one eye on your laptop and one eye on how much Great Aunt Mabel is drinking.

Speaking of tax returns, google tells me that on Christmas Day this number of tax returns were filed……

2004 = 306

2005 = 270

2006 = 84 (really? Seems low)

2008 or 9 (or both) there were 620

2010 = 845

2015 = 2044

2016 = 1944

2017 = 2590

2018 = 2616

2019 = 3003

2020 = 2700

2021 = 2828

2022 = 3275

2023 = 4757

So this seems to be the thing to do.

Yes yes! This!

Been ignoring it for 20 years or so and highly recommend it.

We did it when the DC were small.

Since then my winters have vastly improved by realising that Christmas is entirely optional, and if it happens at all there is no reason whatsoever for it to be on 25 December. It is a fabricated date anyway, there is no evidence of any particular baby being born then (though of course lots of babies are born every day and always have been).

Have a get together with the family you like, see friends, go on holiday, redecorate the lounge, go for a long walk, redesign your garden, do your tax return, whatever takes your fancy.

I’d LOVE to be able to decide how to spend Xmas. We used to all go to my parents for the day and dh parents for the evening. I would do most of the shopping and cooking for everyone in my parents home. Once my DS had her kids (now in their 30s) she decided not to come as she lives 70 miles away, refused to come the evening before or drive on Xmas day. Since then she posts pics on fb of their jolly japes having lunch in a local pub in their matching pjs etc, or relaxing at home. DBs partner (no kids) is an only child so they simply HAVE to go to her parents every year - unless they decide they’re tired and to stay at home by themselves. I have been expected to go to our parents to cook them Xmas lunch EVERY year for the last 30 odd years, with my DH and our DCs ( now in their 20s). The last 4 years my dad was bedridden so no choice to go anywhere else or even host in my own house.
My dad passed away very recently but still it’ll be up to me to make sure our mum is looked after whilst my siblings get to decide how they’d like to spend the day.
I’d love a stress free Xmas, but it won’t happen because my sibs won’t step up and allow me that option.

I think you and your DH sound over sensitive and a bit precious. A child wanting to leave and go home to play with their presents is completely normal. Having breakfast is also completely reasonable, and you could all have agreed plans/compromised on Xmas dinner serving time.

Having said that, you don’t owe anyone anything. As long as you make it clear that you’re not celebrating/hosting/visiting this year, everyone potentially affected has plenty of time to make their own plans.

Go away if you want/need to. Or just enjoy yourselves at home, without any pressure.

Do what you want to do at Christmas. Everyone else can do what they want to do as well. You don't always have to be the hosts.

Everyone can do what they want at Christmas but you have to own that power

Everyone can do what they want at Christmas but you have to own that power

Why not just celebrate on your own then? I love Christmas and half the time it's just me and my two kids (the other half we go abroad to my sisters, though missed that during the pandemic). It takes as much cooking for three as six! But it's worth it to me.
Catering for others is tricky. There's always someone who insists on helping that stresses me out, someone who drinks too much and gets a bit rude, and it's hard to relax when you are trying to endure everyone is happy while thinking the parsnips are a bit burnt!
I do fantasise about those big Christmases you see in movies where the whole neighbourhood drops in for drinks on Christmas Eve and then a joyful family celebration on the day, but the reality is it's a lot of work and I'd want everyone to leave after a couple hours!

What a waste of food, why didn’t they have it later or take it with them in Tupperware boxes. I bloody love a roast. We have one Christmas Day and another Boxing Day.

Silly having a huge brekkie too, we have a bit of toast and chocolate with a Buck’s Fizz sometimes.

Sorry I think I’ve missed the point- absolutely go away or have a quiet one at home!

I spent decades flying (long haul every second year) to see family every Christmas and absolutely dreading it. Because of health issues I can no longer travel and my husband and I now stay home and have a quiet day with just the two of us, we cook a lovely meal and enjoy it in exactly the way we want to and I now love Christmas again. I can't believe I spent so many years having such a miserable time travelling to do what other people wanted me to do and hating it. I wouldn't do the same again if I had my time over. Reclaim Christmas for yourself.

Break the cycle...do something different this year just make sure your parents know soon.

Be clear and firm. Lie if you need to that you are going away, you can always say you changed your mind if you get found out.

You might find you miss it all in which case go back to normal next year.

We always have a quiet Christmas at home with a children/teens. Two years after having my first child I stopped going to my parents every year as it just got too much, we told them we’d be having Christmas at home and then every year without discussion they’d show up early on Christmas morning to give my children presents and they stay until early afternoon, while my dinner was put on hold...I could have of course invited them to stay but they’d made plans to be elsewhere. Eventually I had to say to them it couldn’t go on like that every year. There’s been occasions we’ve been to an in-laws but it was so organised down to games and quizzes and prizes that it became stressful having to worry about presents for 20+ people then prizes and everything else they had demanded. I just want to relax and be at home.

If you choose not to celebrate, let everyone know now, and do not change your mind at all, at least for this year.

Go on holiday, it's difficult to ignore it if you're at home.
You have more than done your bit though so not inviting people this year is completely fine.

Our idea of Christmas is stocking up on m&s "party foods" and then spending holiday season lying under the blinking fairy lights in fuzzy PJs, gobbling up mini cranberry pork pies and toasting on bucks fizz while watching favourite shows. Not giving that one up, no.

I gave up with christmas years ago.
I dont do christmas at all No trees no decs no gifts nothing.
Appsolutely bliss.

Just don’t do it. Do whatever you like on the day and if your DH wants to cook a delicious meal for the pair of you then do that. Or go away or just have a quiet day in.
we do this sometimes. Not every year but when we feel like it. we do host a family drinks/snacks party at another time in the year.
i am honestly fed up of friends saying they “have to” host family which they hate doing, it makes them miserable and they resent it - not just the actual day but the preceding weeks and then moan about it afterwards! Honestly it’s not worth it.
Don’t put yourself in that position. If people are expecting you to the host them, tell them now that you’re not doing so to give them plenty of time to get used to idea and make other plans. the earlier said the better. Don’t apologise or make excuses just tell them you’ve decided to have Christmas on your own and you hope everyone has a great time. End of.

Your parents will be ok if they have to spend one Christmas alone.

Give yourselves the gift of a simple Christmas this year.

Last year due to unexpected circumstances I was alone on the day. Excellent cheese, wine & snacks, pigs in blanket, my favorite Christmas films by the fire, no stress.

No driving, cooking, chaos. I did shower but straight into a casual lounging dress and slippers. It was so enjoyable.

Presumably if they're invited every year they would know what time Christmas Dinner is usually served and would avoid that big breakfast?

Book a holiday and tell your parents and others that you are away for Christmas this year.

If you feel bad about your parents, say you're hoping to go on holiday and ask their plans, if they aren't doing anything invite them along. Then your conscious is clear.