For not saying good night?

Irrelevant. She is OP’s boyfriend’s housemate. She is not OP’s friend. She is not OP’s mother in law. The housemate has her own boyfriend stay 5+ nights each week.

So there is no need for OP to check in and say good night to her.

Spider, you do get that the housemate isn’t OP’s boyfriend’s mother right?

Assuming you're not generally a rude person, I'm not sure why either of them care tbh I wouldn't. I could understand if you had a frosty relationship with the flatmate then it may be seen as being rude, but your boyfriend could have just told her you were really tired and gone straight to bed instead of making something out of nothing.

It’s exactly the same thing - person who lives there, their actual home, which is not your home. It doesn’t matter if it is a rental flat or a mortgaged house.

A parent and a house mate are owed the same level of basic manners.

If you are in her home, you pop your head around the door and say good night. You don’t slope off upstairs without a word.

You don’t have to “seek her out”, for goodness’s sake, she’s right there in the living room. You aren’t required to knock on doors looking for her. You aren’t supposed to disturb her in the bathroom or her bedroom. But if she is awake and in their shared living space, the bare minimum of manners would be to say good night.

I'm astonished just under half the people would expect a flatmate's boyfriend to walk into the living room and say I just came to tell you I'm here tonight and going to bed. Surely you'd think er ok and why are you announcing that to me?

But she is staying over 2 -3 nights a week so flatmate unlikely to be a stranger

@safeatd I'm honestly so confused that you're getting a hard time, your boyfriend saying hi is one thing but I think it would be incredibly unnecessary for you to need to do the same with someone you're not friends with, different if it was his family member but they're flatmates which in some cases means they lead completely separate lives! Your comparison about your flatmate's boyfriend coming to tell you good night was spot on, that would be very weird 😂 you weren't rude at all, don't give it another thought!

You're not going to get a definitive answer here. Everyone's going to view it differently which is clear from the responses.

Instead of being openly hostile to the people who have a different view, maybe you should stop and consider the fact that people do things differently and, when you share space with people, you need to be a bit flexible.

You're also making ridiculous comparisons between knocking bedroom doors to say goodnight to people. There's a big difference between popping your head into the communal space to say "hey guys, I'm shattered so I'm off to bed, have a good night" and knocking on doors of people who are clearly away in their private space.

It all depends on the vibe of the household. If they're a household who tend to pop their head in and say hello and goodnight then that's obviously what they consider to be the done thing. You're the guest so I'd go along with it. You don't have to sit down and have a heart to heart. You're in their space, have respect for their dynamic, even if it isn't your own. On the other hand, when your BF is a guest in your house, same applies. Whatever the done thing is. You're not being asked to participate in a blood sacrifice.

You're free to say no but they're also free to think you're a "hostile bitch" as you put it. I'm not gonna lie, the tone of some of your responses make me think you can some off as a bit hostile.

I was initially on the fence about whether your behaviour was rude or not, but now that I can see that you have been rude multiple times on this thread it seems quite likely that you tend to be rude in person.

@DadJoke

If you really enjoy drama, double down.

Never a truer word said!

If you’re going to be so precious about demanding someone wishes you a good night then a house share isn’t for you.

As both your boyfriend and the person he house shares with think you were rude not to say "good night" they seem eminently suited.

You were extremely rude; that's her home. The absolute basics of respect would be to say good night to her if she's in a shared space like the living room.

If your were the girlfriend of my son and you went straight to his room without saying goodnight I'd tell him he could do better, and hope he found someone with a vague grasp of manners.

Based on this message I suspect there is more to this than not saying goodnight. You are talking to a bunch of strangers and you are already getting peoples’ backs up.

I'm OK with being slow. Just as you're OK with being rude. To everyone it seems.

At that time of night it's not weird to go straight to bed. She's not his mum where you need to go and make a deliberate show of being polite! Is he worried she'll think you're rude and is treading on egg shells around her, or is he just being critical of you? For the record, I also think saying hello would be fine (not over the top to just pop in), its just not required.

'Hello, I've come to say goodbye. Goodbye.'

Can't imagine anyone caring about their flatmate's partner saying goodnight to them after a late night out, but apparently people do. So there we go.

If some people unclenched a little and stopped going through life looking to be offended by things or find things to complain about, they'd probably be a bit happier.

Why did you post when you aren't taking on board other opinions? What were you hoping to achieve given you are totally intransigent?

They both thought you were rude. It’s very minor, but you know what to do in future. If you really enjoy drama, double down.

It’s her home. It’s not just basic politeness, it’s letting her know you’re there

Exactly.

It’s her home. It’s not just basic politeness, it’s letting her know you’re there, being nice, making sure she knows that you respect her space etc. How much effort would it have taken to just pop in for 2 mins and say “hi, did you have a good weekend, that sounds great, yes we had fun but I’m knackered and got a busy day tomorrow so I’m going to have an early night, see you tomorrow”. Not doing this makes you look very rude, not just to her but also your boyfriend. Not classy at all.