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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be struggling with my child starting school

29 replies

middleagedandinarage · 15/09/2024 21:48

My eldest has just started school, P1 (Scotland) She's 5.5, could of gone last year but she's a winter baby so decided to deffer. She was more than ready, seems to be enjoying it, no issues. I however am really feeling it, the emotional side of my baby starting school, probably doesn't help I've just stopped breastfeeding my youngest so feeling very much like my baby stage is suddenly over. The week feels totally different, I worked 3 days already, this hasn't changed so I technically have more free time because now have 2 days with only 1 child rather than 2 but it just feels a lot more structured and grown up 🙈 I know that sounds silly! I take my youngest to a class one morning which is nice being able to do something just with them but i feel bad doing other fun stuff while my eldest is at school. I'm keeping busy and feeling like I need to achieve lots in my days while she's at school and I'm at home and I miss her. God knows how I'll cope when my youngest starts or when they leave home!
Anyone else felt like this? I guess it will pass but I've been so excited about her starting school, did not expect to feel like this

OP posts:
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Gimmeabreak2025 · 16/09/2024 15:18

IVFmumoftwo · 15/09/2024 23:37

When do you let go? When they are thirty?

When they stop needing you! Trust me they’ll let you know!!

SpaceJamtart · 16/09/2024 10:37

I felt bad doing fun things with my youngest while my eldest were in school, especially thing I knew they would enjoy too.
But my friend reframed it for me, that I had time with the older children on their own before their sibling was born and I don't feel guilty that my youngest wasn't there to enjoy it. My youngest is never going to have that experience so I sort of owe them that 1 on 1 time when their siblings are in school to spend just with them .
It helped me feel better about it, and knowing that school is fun too and they are having a good time there.

middleagedandinarage · 16/09/2024 10:23

Wasitamistake · 15/09/2024 22:33

I’m struggling - my dd (summerborn and SEN) started last week. It was a disaster and now I’m worrying I should have deferred her alternatively I might do part time instead as she has been traumatised and I feel awful

*@wasitamistake Really sorry to hear this, must be so tough. Honestly, deffering was the best thing for my DD. As much as I'm finding her starting school hard she was so ready and sailed through settling in. If it's an option for you, I would pull her out and put her back to nursery for another year. It's a big step for them!

OP posts:
middleagedandinarage · 16/09/2024 10:19

Thanks for all the replies, nice to hear others have felt the same.
I'm absolutely not considering home schooling, not saying it isn't right for some kids. DD is enjoying school, it's a lovely smallish school and I have no doubt she'll do well there. She loves the social aspect as well. I have not shown her how I'm feeling, I'm keeping it all very positive and exciting (while I cry into my coffee after drop off haha)
*@doodleschnoodle so true, I need to make the most of the time with DD2
*@Delurking That's lovely to hear, yes she's really enjoying it and I'm so proud of how well she's settled in.
*@Wishingplenty thank you! Absolutely, so glad I deffered. It's been the best thing for her. She was more than ready for school and has settled in so easily. Even from the tiredness point of view, I hear some of the other mums saying how emotional and over tired their kids have been where DD really hasn't been too bad, I definitely i think it's with her just being that little bit older.

OP posts:
IVFmumoftwo · 15/09/2024 23:37

Gimmeabreak2025 · 15/09/2024 22:27

Exactly keep your babies with you where they belong

When do you let go? When they are thirty?

IVFmumoftwo · 15/09/2024 23:36

YOOHOOITSMEEE · 15/09/2024 22:18

thousands feel like this
its a reason why they chose home education

there's millions of us home educators out there, and millions of kids that's never been in the system at all
no childcare, nursery or school

You home school because you can't cut the apron strings?

Noseybookworm · 15/09/2024 23:16

Ahh I felt like this too when mine started school. It's totally normal and it takes a while to adjust. I really missed them and couldn't wait to go and pick them up! When my youngest started school I threw myself into training for a new job as I knew I'd be feeling bereft without him!

Dramatic · 15/09/2024 23:04

I feel exactly like this. My youngest of 5 just started school and I feel a little bereft. I'm currently unable to work for health reasons so I haven't even got a job to distract me. My house is very clean though, silver linings and all that.

Kelly51 · 15/09/2024 23:00

Exactly keep your babies with you where they belong
what a silly attitude, they're not babies, they need to learn independence and not be tied to mummy forever.

Makingchocolatecake · 15/09/2024 22:57

I think it's going to feel weird not being able to spend so much time together but I'm also super excited because I can work full time then, starting a new career.

sarahzbaker · 15/09/2024 22:57

Grow up by themselves

Sockettes · 15/09/2024 22:57

It is sad especially when you read those memes about ‘this could be your last time giving them a feed , bath, singing to sleep ’ etc!

But…after a cry the sadness passes and you realise its lovely to be able to have a hot drink, put your feet up and watch something you want on tv….or focus on your career, or just go shopping without constant whinging!

Kids need to fly the nest one day,
keeping them sheltered at home and away from their peers is never in their best interests for the majority of children unless there are some special circumstances.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 15/09/2024 22:56

Can't believe people are suggesting home education 🤦‍♀️

Op it is normal to feel like this, that first baby/toddler phase is over and it's onto the next phase.

Starting school is an exciting time, think about all the friends they'll make, the new things they'll learn.

My dd has just finished college- now that is hard to accept!!

BigWiggg · 15/09/2024 22:47

Gimmeabreak2025 · 15/09/2024 22:27

Exactly keep your babies with you where they belong

😂😂 5 1/2 year old isn’t a baby! Needs more stimulation than can be given at home… 🤣

clarinsjourney · 15/09/2024 22:46

Totally normal to feel like this. My DS twins have just started to walk to school alone in year 6 so I am feeling it as with twins I don't get to experience the first going off but still having a younger one. It all happens at once!I don't show this at all to them as my feelings are second to their growth, development and independence. I may shed a tear by myself but am very conscious of even saying 'ah I miss walking you to school' because I don't want to be an emotional burden. So absolutely yes many feel like you, but as long as that feeling doesn't affect them - @YOOHOOITSMEEE post a bit concerning imo...

BrutusMcDogface · 15/09/2024 22:37

Wasitamistake · 15/09/2024 22:33

I’m struggling - my dd (summerborn and SEN) started last week. It was a disaster and now I’m worrying I should have deferred her alternatively I might do part time instead as she has been traumatised and I feel awful

This is different, and I totally feel you. My youngest is summer born and really struggled, but doing fine now. Fingers crossed your little one will get there 💐

Wishingplenty · 15/09/2024 22:37

Well done for deferring. I did the same. You know you have done the very best for your child. My dd has just started P2 and it is amazing to see how well she is doing because she is just a few months older than a lot of her class.
Deferring literally means you have given your child an extra year of their childhood, it is invaluable and yet some January born children were not deferred which means sending a 4.5 year old off to school. Be proud!

Misspacorabanne · 15/09/2024 22:35

Yes, many feel the same way. I found it really hard with dc1, but my god, now dc2 has just started I’m in bits!😥 I’m missing him so much! Real end of a lovely era!

All I can say is just make the most of your time at home with dc2, and enjoy dc1 when she’s home from school! You’ll adjust to it all. It will just take time.

JusWunderin · 15/09/2024 22:33

I see why people feel like this. But home-schooling isn’t the answer at this point. It would be selfish.

If they’re enjoying school, let them enjoy it.

I’m very much for home schooling, but DD was extremely excited for school with her friends, so I decided to let her go. She absolutely loves it so far however the second she doesn’t feel comfortable there anymore I’m ready to pull her out at the drop of a hat.

Wasitamistake · 15/09/2024 22:33

I’m struggling - my dd (summerborn and SEN) started last week. It was a disaster and now I’m worrying I should have deferred her alternatively I might do part time instead as she has been traumatised and I feel awful

BrutusMcDogface · 15/09/2024 22:32

DelurkingAJ · 15/09/2024 22:30

Is she enjoying school?

My eldest has just started secondary and thrown himself into everything (including a billion extracurriculars) and is having an absolute ball. But I hardly see him. And am feeling a little lost about it. That’s natural. But I am delighted that he’s having such a good time so I keep that firmly to myself!

This is a more healthy attitude!

BrutusMcDogface · 15/09/2024 22:31

hmm. Roots and wings, anyone?

In the nicest possible way, a 5.5 year old who has been deferred is probably more than ready for school, and loving every minute. Or at least it appears that way in the op.

Do not keep your child at home/home Ed because you can’t bear to be parted from them! That’s so stifling.

DelurkingAJ · 15/09/2024 22:30

Is she enjoying school?

My eldest has just started secondary and thrown himself into everything (including a billion extracurriculars) and is having an absolute ball. But I hardly see him. And am feeling a little lost about it. That’s natural. But I am delighted that he’s having such a good time so I keep that firmly to myself!

Gimmeabreak2025 · 15/09/2024 22:28

sarahzbaker · 15/09/2024 22:23

Hmm. home-schooling in these circumstances?
Let your child fly

What?!?!

Gimmeabreak2025 · 15/09/2024 22:27

YOOHOOITSMEEE · 15/09/2024 22:18

thousands feel like this
its a reason why they chose home education

there's millions of us home educators out there, and millions of kids that's never been in the system at all
no childcare, nursery or school

Exactly keep your babies with you where they belong

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