Giving moved out daughter’s bedroom to younger sister

This OP.
Give the bedroom to the youngest daughter.
The eldest has already had it more than the youngest likely will.

I would give the bigger room to the child that actually lives with you. And make a nice guest bedroom for the box room that she is welcome to stay in any time. Will it fit a double bed?

I understand your anxiety but you are not being unreasonable. If you make clear to the eldest that the box room is hers whenever she wants to use it she will know there’s always a safe place to fall.

Our youngest has recently moved into his brother’s bigger room. But his brother is happy with the arrangement, stays the night very sporadically only and has properly moved out.

I wouldn’t do it just yet, OP. Sounds like it would not be the right thing to do just now.

The problems with that option are manifold. The DD hasn’t moved out quite yet, and is still spending most of her time at home. The DD is vulnerable in that she is recovering from an eating disorder, has anxiety and likely autism. Their trifecta mean a high risk of rejection sensitivity meaning that the usual swap rooms might cause a lot of mental distress in the DD due to her conditions-especially if done prematurely before she has actually moved out. In addition, young women with these conditions need more time and to go slower with serious relationships. It is not wise to hothouse a relationship by pressuring her to move in full time with a boyfriend before she is ready.

In addition, the OP needs to think outside the box. There must be some other option to get her youngest more space other than this.

Yeah we’re doing this. When dd1 pushes off travelling dd2 will have her room. Grossly unfair to leave the best room dormant while younger one lived there full time. Unless you are Henry 8th in Tudor times or something and firmly support primogeniture. Younger siblings matter too.

It's already very unfair on the younger children, even when the best bedroom is 'passed down', as the age overlap is likely to be small.

For argument's sake, if there are three children, each two years apart, and they all move out at 18, that means that the eldest gets the best bedroom for their entire time at home, whilst the others only get it for two years.

It's extremely selfish to expect to still keep the best bedroom once you've moved out; you should be very glad that you already got it for (say) 18 years, when the others will each only get it for two years.

They aren't at all close, as already mentioned by OP - "She doesn’t really get on with her younger sisters which is very upsetting. She is very quiet and her sisters are the opposite"

I gave my room to younger brother when I moved out. I moved back home a few times (with boyf now DH at times) took another room. She has moved out, don’t keep her room as a kind of shrine. Move the sister.

Talk to your eldest dc x

She could have the box room, I don't think many if any are suggesting OP barricades the doors and bans her from ever going over.

stop making up scenarios.
@Just4thisthreadtoday

I think that applies to you more than I. After all you changed the OP facts from
She comes home a few times a week as she gets lonely when her boyfriend is at work and they usually stay here at the weekend.

to this
she doesn't like being home alone when he's working in the evening.night & they enjoy being at her parents some weekends

Spot the (made up) differences.

In our family it was two girls, one boy, 3 beds.
My sis was 5 years older than me.
Brother moved out but instead of giving sister the spare room, they turned it into an office for dad - even though his office was less than 10 minutes away.
My poor sister.
It’s hard to be fair to everybody but sometimes there are glaring exceptions.

My eldest has moved out, actually she’s staying with her boyfriend at his parents house while they save up for their own place (just graduated and started jobs, not yet been paid for a full month). My youngest has has moved into her room. I am going to decorate the little room. I just told her I was downsizing her shrine!

It was suggested seriously to OP
She might actually live in her own home a bit more if she's a touch less comfortable…

So, I responded to that train of thought to its logical conclusion. If OP makes her DD less welcome and less comfortable at home, forcing her DD to move in fully with boyfriend, then where DD stays is based on comfort.

If this is true, then would not the DD being at OP’s home so often not correlate to lack of comfort at the boyfriend’s flat? Using that poster’s logic.

My sister was moving her stuff in my room before I was off the drive. It’s all part of growing up.

I have just gone through this very thing.
He was appalled that his huge room was not being kept as a shrine to him.
The swap over happened when he was on an 8 week holiday.
He tried to be appalled when he returned but I wasn't having it.
We did a lovely swap with great care and set him up in his new room for when he comes home to visit.
He too is definitely on the spectrum and doesn't like change.
It all settled down quickly though and he has moved out.
We dramatically changed his old bedroom so it doesn't resemble what it looked like at all.
I would suggest a complete make over with a different colour scheme.
Things change.
She has moved out.
A family cannot be held hostage by the anxiety of one child.

100% exactly what happens, youngest gets the room.
Announce it like it’s 100% normal no apologies, no I’m sorry.

Respectful move of eldest stuff into new room.

Big sis should be giving this room with glee.

I spent about 6 months sharing a single bed with a boyfriend in my 20s. They will be fine!

@SummerFeverVenice

thrres no suggestion she's not comfortable being alone with the boyfriend🙄

nust that she doesn't like being home alone when he's working in the evening.night & they enjoy being at her parents some weekends.

stop making up scenarios.

@SummerFeverVenice

then she can make herself at home in the box room

You're not being unreasonable @Derbyderby but your oldest daughter is if she thinks she gets to have everything her way, and I think you know it.

You need to do the right thing for both of your daughters. Give the youngest the space she deserves, and help your oldest to launch by making sure she knows shes always welcome, theres always space and not all change is bad.

Dont be held to ransom. And you never know. She may surprise you.

And you have no concern that she may be coming home during the week and every weekend because she may not be that comfortable being alone with boyfriend just yet? Do you think that is a wise thing for a parent to hothouse their relationship? No concern on how it may go tits up?

My son moved out of the box room and in with his girlfriend to rented accommodation on a Saturday. He was 26. My 2 daughters then aged 20 and 16 have always shared but their bedroom was large enough for 2 double beds and 2 x 3 door wardrobes, bedside cabinets and drawers with tv on, and a desk...so quite large. My son didn't have anxiety or any personal issues, granted, but my eldest daughter had her stuff in the box room by the Sunday afternoon! Of course if he ever needed to come back we would work something out but the DD was in like a shot!

further down the OP also says
She comes home a few times a week as she gets lonely when her boyfriend is at work and they usually stay here at the weekend.

You can rent a place ‘together’ and not live there most or all of the time by contributing to the rent.