Fiancé has agreed to be a Guarantor - I’m not happy

Think long and hard about the type of family you are marrying into.
They sound like a right shower.

You are right OP, it is common courtesy to double check with a partner before you commit to anything. Not because one of you is controlling or to get permission, but just to check you haven't actually overlooked an existing arrangement.

You did the right thing.

It's not controlling to be concerned about how this would affect you. I would never act as guarantor, it's one of those things where it's OK until it becomes a disaster.

“ I’ve been made aware of how controlling I am”.

Not controlling, but part of an unequal partnership. Large financial decisions like that should be made as a team, not unilaterally.

who has said you’ve been controlling and disrespectful?

You have not been controlling or disrespectful as far as your posts show!
For god's sake, all you were doing was sticking to your very sensible precautions and making sure you were not sucked into the maelstrom!
You've done the right thing. If your fiance and his family cannot see that, they have a problem

Er, WHAT?! No, you haven't OP! You SAVED your numpty DF from making a HUGE mistake - and if he can't see that he doesn't deserve you!

@AngelicKaty yep !

Don't ever do it. Not even for best friend - parents - children - spouse

Absolutely. I think some people have an overly-sentimental view of their family dynamic "Oh, they'd never do that to me" - until they do (and often this won't be deliberate in any way, but shit happens).
Sadly, @blondeshavemorefun has been in that position and knows the pain of it - people should listen to her. I've advised three guarantors in this position who didn't understand what they'd actually committed to until they were called upon to meet that commitment and they were devastated. And as if this enormous financial worry wasn't bad enough, the two adult children and grand-child they'd stood guarantor for then blanked them when they should have been on their knees begging forgiveness. PLEASE people - JUST DON'T DO IT!!!

So you would just tell your DC to leave university?

This. Best case scenario is they have no financial history - see students away from home for the first time.

With older people (and I don’t mean ‘old’, just mid 20s onward), the landlord / bank / car sales etc. know there is an increased risk of default from that person, whether due to lack of sufficient income, poor credit or some other reason.

The only time I would stand guarantor is if for some reason I intended to pay the loan from the beginning. I know people who have done this for a child’s car loan for example. They made every single payment as they had always intended but as the loan was in the child’s name, it let him build up a credit record.

Yep. This. It’s really concerning to see so many posters willing to, as you say, ‘do it in a heartbeat’ while clearly demonstrating they know next to nothing about the consequences and care little about the potentially devastating effects on their own/partners finances.

Why would you assume that the person you’re guaranteeing is financially trustworthy when the very fact that you’re being asked to act as guarantor means there is clearly something suggesting that they are not.

If the document has already been signed, then you need to get that document back so you can destroy it. Otherwise what is to stop BIL handing that document in?

Problem is if they don't pay you HAVE to

I was a guarantee once. Never ever again

Whether for friends or family

The stress I had /have every month paying the sodding loan is unreal !!

But if there was any possibilty you couldn"'t pay, why be a guarantor?

Because people do not get it. A nebulous thing that will never happen because 'Bert' would never do that. Until he's off work sick, or a client does not pay, or until a partner goes crazy and wrecks the place. Because if they do get caught out, their partner will suck up the extra expense, while they have to fulfil their obligations as a guarantor.
Or we have those who would 'do it in a heartbeat' - but will not be called upon or allowed to do it.
It is time finance was taught in school.

I think for me, a discussion would still be necessary even if we didn’t live together, because there’s no way l would be moving in with him while he had this obligation. It’s a serious financial commitment and shouldn’t be a unilateral decision if you’re in a serious relationship.

Not controlling at all, as fiancé already lives with op, so any future debt (from non-payment of rent) would affect her as well, as she’d have to pick up the slack for their household bills as well.

Had fiancé still lived independent of her, in his own house, paying his own way, then, a discussion is less called for. However, this is not the case, and their finances (apart from mortgage) are already shared.

What??
Controlling ? Ridiculous. She is being v sensible.
Her fiance has made a finabcial commtment, which may have repercussions for her (credit checks at their address, her df not being able to pay rent for both BiLs place an their own, etc)
This is why omene need separate bank accounts -to not be liable for their OHs idiocy!

But if there was any possibilty you couldn"'t pay, why be a guarantor?

I agree if it was an electronic signature rather than a wet one, but we don't know (and we don't know if OP knows - yet - or not). Hopefully OP's DF has acted very swiftly in trying to get this resolved. We'll have to wait until her next update.

Not if it’s been done online. Something doesn’t sit right with this.

@Daddydog that's awful, sorry to hear that.

That's just awful @Daddydog it must have been an extremely stressful and overwhelming time for you. I hope you can reconnect with your godson one day🙏💗

It's messy, I'm also godfather to their son so I don't want the poor lad to suffer anymore than what his parents put him through with their affairs and lies. The week it all came out in the wash, there was violence, self harm, suicide attempts, police, arrests, restraining orders and even sectioning. I had a few hours to scrape together to 6 months rent so they could both move forwards and end the self created nightmare. All the while going through a serious cancer scare that required my tonsils out immediately and our daughter was not even 2 days old. Neither party asked or thought about how I was, they just threw their alcohol soaked problems at me. I'm so glad I don't have to bail them out anymore but I really miss my godson.