Aibu to think some parents can't accept their child is a average?!

What’s your child like OP? Do they get into the first sports team, how about how they do on tests? I only ever hear this complaint from parents who have children that are high achievers or sporty or popular.
Things can change in a heartbeat; some of these ‘complaining’ parents might be pushing for their child to be noticed or included and it might be you one day.

I’ve never heard anyone like this at the school gate, most play down their kids achievements to be honest and we all have a collective moan about how they won’t do their reading, won’t do spellings etc. also agree with PP who say it works both ways. My DC got full marks in phonics screen and excellent effort. They only got achieving standards and when questioned the teacher said no-one got exceeding standards as it means that in the next class they would have to keep to that standard otherwise the school gets marked down…so the school like to keep everyone average as it’s clearly easier for them 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

What does "average" mean? Not academic?

I have a friend who is the opposite of what you describe but also the same. I've known her my whole life. She left school at 16, got married early, and hasn't worked since the first child arrived. She has 3 children now and since before they even started school she said they take after her and aren't academic. She never pushed them. She picked their primary schools based on convenience because there was "no point sending them to a good school". The school had to push and push her into letting them take the 11+. They got into grammar school easily and are doing fantastic. But my friend still won't accept that her children are bright. I don't know if it's shame or something. Maybe a fear of people seeing she has smart children and thinking it is her own fault that she underachieved academically. It's strange.

This is so true and I agree.

People don’t say anything like this at our school gate. They are usually quite self deprecating about their kids (with the exception of one parent, actually, but I started avoiding her).

The only children I know who have anything like that are a couple who do Saturday school in their parent’s first language so they can speak to their Grandparents when they return to the countries their extended families live in.

You’re describing a fairly privileged situation of having had an excellent Oxbridge education, being able to afford tutors and having the time and means to enroll kids in lots of activities and teams. Relatively few parents at my children’s school are in that position.

By definition half the population are actually BELOW average. The purpose of private schools is to ensure the top jobs stay in the hands of the rich - regardless of talent (or lack of).

Also its easy to see via sport etc thar the kids standing out are not getting that ability at all from pe at state school. Basically
The swimmers swim weekly at lessons
The kids playing football or netball are at external clubs

The fastest boy on sports day had
Older brothers
Football club (s)
Swimming club
Etc

The fastest girls
Do netball

Whereas y4 and youngest hasnt had 1 school swimming lesson.

There aren't enough opportunities to go round to fully accommodate the exceptional, let alone the average, now.

I think average is sometimes a mentality that's used to stifle potential. Every child is exceptional in their own way and if someone can identify and nurture that thing, that child will shine.

I think the delusion comes in when everyone is pushing their children in the same direction, down a path that's not for them.

I personally have no problem with giving children all the resources you can to help them excel, as most children would just coast otherwise. So many of us would be more than average if someone believed in and encouraged us to 'maximise' our potential.

I've never heard anything like this at all from the school gates etc

I don't think YABU though if it's the case with you.

I think when children are four or five they all learn so much so fast that everyone thinks gosh, my DC seems so bright. You don't really have a reference for what "average" or normal is. Once you've developed that perception its hard to give it up. So by the time kids hit y3 or so, and its starting to become apparent that 2 or 3 kids in the class are just insanely quick at maths, or that quiet kid draws great pictures, that girl sings like an angel, you start to understand where your kid lies relative to that. For a lot of people that is a disappointment and they quickly wonder if a child has had more of the teachers effort to get like that. But actually often, no.

Whatever trait you measure, about 80% of people consistently rate themselves as above average.

I personally found great relief in accepting myself as an average human being.

I really love this. What a wonderful woman.

I disagree. Mainly because its certainly possible lots of peoples kids are not reaching potential at uk state schools.
Somewhat the percentiles say 20-80 are quite fluid and parental input, teacher effort etc can make the difference.

I would say dd1 (12) is capable of say top 5%. She came 9th percentile maths in sats and only about 25th percentile for reading. But she could do all the maths just cant stop making silly mistakes.
At secondary after y7 she is coming out only about top third of the year group. So thats not great. Its partly her (sen) and not working fast enough so not finishing tests.

As a parent its hard to see schools not put the effort to move kids from meeting expectations to exceeding. In primary no effort was made till sats.
But last week y8 dc got 37/60 on a maths test. So its hard to look at the paper and see she could easily have got 57/60. But 6w of no school straight into a test with no revision. So even for 1 dc the gap between achieved and potential was 33% of the marks. And that result would i expect have put her in the top 10% of the year.

My other dc also hasnt been stretched at primary (she can do work 2years ahead in maths). Got 111 on ks1 sats but again no extension of homework etc.

Average in itself is a wide range. Do you mean met expectations?

As also in y5 and y6 teachers wouldnt accept dc could get exceeding maths bht she did at the end of y6.
A lot of exceeding kids do extra at home so may not naturally be brighter.

If you mean at gcse i guess yes most parents want their kids to be getting 6+ whereas average would be perhaps a 4/5.

It doesnt help that noone talks about dc abilities or achievements so you actually dont know how your kid did relative on SATs or other tests.

Some kids really got helped by primary to get high sats maths etc (reaching full potential) but 2 of these i know then have struggled in higher maths sets.

My sister was really clever so my 10 gcses (2A/7B/1C) dixnt look good at all.

Some kids slow to learn to read exceeded in all SATs (marathon vs sprint)

Average is, by definition, the statistical reality for most people (kids included… even little Tarquin)

I think it goes both ways. I'm totally average in all areas, always have been. I have a good job and strong work ethic but I've never had the drive or ambition to go above and beyond.

DD is a total allrounder, exceptionally bright, amazing at sports and music, really creative and I don't really know how to handle it. Teachers always praise her, she's always getting awards and tbh although I'm incredibly proud of her, I find it all
a bit cringe and like other parents must resent it.

I think also that to reach expected levels in primary schools now is actually very difficult. You have to be pretty bright to reach those levels, yet I don't think people always understand that. As a result, it may seem that a child is underachieving even if they are doing very well. The expectations on young children nowadays are phenomenal.

Literally never heard a parent express this view at either school gate or any of numerous activities my children participate in. Nor do I know a single family, out of dozens and dozens, whose child has a tutor.

Maybe you should hang out with a different crowd or try some less competitive sports?

With the right support, their children could be successful. But we do with what we have, and average is better than no education and growing up with mental health issues and a life on benefits. Don’t bash the average