Aibu to think some parents can't accept their child is a average?!

@Chasingshadowss

Yes but clearly some parents are being proactive & actually helping their children rather than bitching & moaning about the teachers

Yep. This is really important in how you model coping with challenges to the child as well.

If a child constantly hears teachers being set up as the enemy then of course they are going to be disincentivised to do their best work.

As a parent you have to advocate for your child and be their champion but you also have to show them that education is something you have to be proactive about.

Exactly, why are we aspiring to be average? Or teaching our kids that average is good enough if they are capable of more, especially girls! Obviously I don't mean in everything but if they show specific strengths then aren't we doing our kids a disservice to accept mediocrity?

Hmmm

Yes and no. Everyone wants to feel their kids are “special” but most aren’t. And that’s OK. Average but happy and successful on your own terms is a great life.

But the counter argument is that if you don’t push your kids a bit and push for the best possible environment you are basically signalling to them that being mediocre is fine and therefore that there’s no value in trying. There is a critical difference between accepting your kids’ limitations and not setting any goals at all.

When I hear people say things like they “just want them to be happy” and “success at school isn’t everything,” I think they are reinforcing the idea that they don’t need to seek to be their best. And honestly I don’t think that sends a great message, particularly to girls.

God knows the world we live in is competitive enough and schools are so under-resourced, why wouldn’t you seek to equip your kids as best you can? Of course pressure to achieve should be realistic and never at the expense of their mental health.

But better to aim high and then come to terms with a compromise between the ultimate achievement and the reality than to set the bar really low and shrug when they fall at the first hurdle.

The only time that tutors came into play in my DC’s schooling was when 11+ exams were on the horizon, and that was only because the children didn’t do any of the verbal and non-verbal reasoning exercises at school that were the backbone of the 11+.
Having passed an entrance exam to get into my exclusive school at 11, before I hired a tutor, I asked my DC if they wanted to have the opportunity to have the extra tuition and try for the grammar school, but made it clear that there was no expectation that they would pass, or even if they did, go to that school, as they might go to visit it after the tuition started and decide it wasn’t for them.
One DC took up the opportunity, passed the 11+ but decided not to take the place at the grammar school after meeting some of the other DC and their parents, as well as some of the teachers, which was absolutely fine, and the other didn’t want to even attempt the extra tuition, which was also fine.
Having been dreadfully unhappy at my school, but being aware of the benefits it afforded me, I was cautious about putting my DC through the same level of pressure - and it paid off: both DC thrived at secondary school…

Also this is a damming indictment of the quality of teaching in some schools

But the competitive tutoring you mention is mainly just in grammar areas, of which there are very few left. As I said, most is targeted specific support for maths + English if a child is falling behind or needs stretching.

I think what parents sometimes forget is that while a child may do incredibly well at school that doesn’t always translate into highly achieving in life/work.
same applies to those who don’t do as well in school. They can do fantastically well at life/work.

of course there are those that do amazingly well throughout school/life/work life and those that don’t but my point is that one outcome in school doesn’t always translate to life/work experience. It can be changed and turned around for those that school life perhaps didn’t suit. Their outcome isn’t determined by those years.

I think also that to reach expected levels in primary schools now is actually very difficult. You have to be pretty bright to reach those levels, yet I don't think people always understand that. As a result, it may seem that a child is underachieving even if they are doing very well. The expectations on young children nowadays are phenomenal.

Totally agree with this.

My son has ASD and ADHD. He's rarely average in anything. His ND brain means he's either streaks ahead of his peers because of gifts of exceptionally visual memory etc or he's 4 years behind because he has huge deficits in abstract thinking and social imagination. All or nothing.....

Most of the country doesn't have grammar schools so tutoring isn't a thing per se above specific support with maths/English.
Maybe widen your horizons and realise that your very limited personal experience doesn't extrapolate across the whole country. 1 or 2 schools with a certain cohort of parents/kids doesn't equate to ALL schools/parents/kids

I'm really surprised you havn't come accross families who use tutors.

How is that surprising? I pay £30 odd an hour for my sons tutor (SEN home ed)- it isn’t remotely surprising that there are areas where people can’t afford that sort of expense, even if they were minded to.

You should see the emails the school receives when the school football team is announced every year 😳 And also when the kids start swimming lessons with school and they get split into groups based purely on ability on the day of assessment rather than how long they've been swimming for. It's like the parents take it personally if their child isn't put in the top group.

I agree. I have a friend who swears her kid does no work in school because it's too easy for him and he's too bored. Total cop out to make it the teacher's fault.

My DD was one of three put forward for Grammar school 11+ testing out of her year group. She passed, highly, but was the only one to go onto her particular school. The other two were accepted into different Grammar Schools. The other children went into the nearest secondary school. Endless FB posts from the parents that it's not good enough and they're happy to go to war with the school. The one closest which the majority attend has been failing students for years, hugely problematic.
All schools can be problematic but Woodchurch High is an absolute joke. These kids are setting people's houses on fire. Physically attacking their peers and full grown adults, hiding behind balaclavas. It's disgusting.

If you live in a grammar area, that’s probably why most people you know use tutors.

Most local authorities don’t have grammars, so no need for parents to tutor in primary school, unless there are specific areas of genuine weakness.

A lot of parents think their children are gifted. Only a few pupils in a primary school class are.
In my youngst child's class 8 out 10 are gifted according to the parents. Might not be the case but people create their own truth.

My kids are pretty mediocre
Definitely not as academic as I was, nor do they really have the drive to do anything about it.
Regardless, I think they're awesome and I love them to pieces. Their happiness and mental wellbeing are the most important things to me.

F-ing hell. I see what you mean OP!