Aibu to think some parents can't accept their child is a average?!

Less than 99.99999999999% of participants in sports such as football will ever reach the professional level. The majority won't even become decent amateurs or athletes. The truth is, most of us are average, with only a few experiencing a period of excelling before it's all over.

I do see that point, but I was rather responding to the, 'What's wrong with being average?' aspect of your post.

Unfortunately, very true

I was an 'average' child, very much so, but I was an average child in the70s/ 80s, when I would say it genuinely didn't matter as much. We average masses were 'factory fodder'. We could still expect to get a job that paid enough to pay the rent/get a mortgage. I have spent my life doing average/low paid jobs, but was able to get a mortgage with my DH at a young age and do fine by putting the hours in.

That just isn't an option now. Whilst every child might have a talent, though it's lovely if it's being 'kind and caring', kind and caring won't get you a job that pays the bills these days. I hate that that is true, but it is.

It matters now more than ever. With more and more jobs being automated, AI on the rise, kids today face an uncertain future. There's no reasonable adjustment for just not being very good at stuff. And the work so many of us 'not very good at stuff' kids used to end up doing is either disappearing or just doesn't pay enough to live on.

It's all very well people talking about 'trades', but trades that pay aren't unskilled. Not every average academic child is going to be God's gift to plumbing. Lord knows I had zero practical ability.

If your child is, like me, genuinely just average to below average at anything that has a remote chance of earning them a wage, unless UBI comes in they'll be working ridiculous hours trying to scrape by. So, I kind of don't blame parents for wanting to believe that isn't their child. It's awful to want so much from a child as early as Primary school, but I think many parents realise just how tough it really is going to be for 'average' children. People want it to be the case that a metaphorical kick up the backside/tutoring/pushing the school to recognise their child's 'potential' will solve the problem, will reveal the talent that will save their child from a tough existence on the bottom of the pile, fighting for what's left of the unskilled jobs.

They're not mutually exclusive. Even on MN.

Surely you know that on MN every child is either bright/super bright or has SEN.

I must of gotten lucky then I've genuinely never came across a school parent like the ones described here.
If anything it's ME who probably brags about my DC too much 🤣
My children do swimming lessons too and I've never heard the other parents of kids in their swim classes even speak they're too busy looking at their phones

It's pretty normal. When I used to sit watching my children's swimming lessons, all that was spoken about by the other parents was school - criticising teachers, comparing which groups their children were in etc etc

I've never heard any of the parents I talk to speak like this. Stop hanging out with the arrogant deluded shit heads

When I was teaching I hated it when parents couldn't accept that their child wasn't in the top group for everything. It was always the teacher's fault. "What are you going to do to make sure he's i the top group" etc etc.

Only time I ever questioned a set was because DD1 asked me to - she was in a very low maths set and had had by then two years of support at home - mostly on-line program - and was at home doing what top set was doing in class - while at school she was stuck on much more basic stuff. The sets had been static for entre previous year at this point.

Teacher said oh she need to have instant recall for time table and threw time tables at DD1 who had instant recall - she started going up and up got to 12 times table well outside original state need and DD1 was still giving instant answers. Teacher shrugged said that's not been ticked off in school and sets are staying the same.

We told DD1 going over basics wouldn't hurt her at school and continued with home program. Next year she got a new to school teacher - who tested them all before doing sets - entire top set ended up being girls who like DD1 had had someone outside school work with them. Next year we moved and she was put in an advanced maths group at new school they held as had a floating teacher then and we were told they were delighted as she motivated some of the other good maths student they had to do better.

I had many frustrating talks with their teachers over the years when I was told one of the kids was struggling with something and we'd ask what can we do at home to help them and get a shrug or I'll get back to you and radio silence. Or worst still a no it's fine and then later this is dire it's a real problem holding them back - okay how do we help them at home - radio silence.

I owe a lot to teachers on primary board here and few other parents in same boat - who did point us in right direction of good home support.

I really feel for teachers. For some kids reaching expectations is a huge achievement that would not have been possible without said teacher... But a certain cohort prefer to blame the school rather than accept they have an average child..

Remember, when GCSE results come through and the wunderkind has not done as well as the parents expect it's because of the lousy teachers, if they have exceeded expectations it's because they have wonderful parents. Was ever the case though.

A lot of people have no concept of a normal distribution or a bell curve!

I always thought it was one the main reason why lower social economic groups generally do less well in UK school system - their parents are less likely to step in and advocate for them.

It has to be carrot and stick though. Appropriate pressure plus understanding and advocacy where needed. Plus instilling in the child that it’s at least as much their responsibility as that of the teacher.

There is a big difference between appropriate advocacy in a situation where a child has been discriminated against or is getting poor treatment abd creating a sense of entitlement. Some parents approach this from the point of view that teachers are stipid and incompetent.

When I was teaching I hated it when parents couldn't accept that their child wasn't in the top group for everything. It was always the teacher's fault. "What are you going to do to make sure he's i the top group" etc etc.

I know it isn't always the case but I'd been at school with a lot of the parents and they weren't particularly academic but thought their children should be.

If your parents don't advocate for you as well as push you then you end up nowhere.

I always thought it was one the main reason why lower social economic groups generally do less well in UK school system - their parents are less likely to step in and advocate for them.

From DH and mine experiences as working class bright pupils and as parents with kids in working class areas school there can be very low expectations generally - so unless you have a very talented driven child or supportive parents they have quite the disadvantage.

And the poor children. My parents and grandparents may not have pushed me academically but they never made made me feel that I wasn’t good enough. And I think self esteem is more important that slightly higher grades.

I find parents like this dreadfully boring and avoid at all costs. They often have pretty banal substandard lives centred solely around their children.

The posters experience is the norm for the majority of kids of colour.

If your parents don't advocate for you as well as push you then you end up nowhere.

I think may be the area you are in.

With my kids their first school in particular was bad for competitive parents often with Autumn born kids who were often disapproving of kids like mine summer born who struggled - very much crab bucket mentality - you were just supposed to accept your kids were average or below not help them at home.

I did a lot of support work at home and they slowly improved - rare occasions that came up that was really wrong even DS especially improving - his year was particularly bad for it - was just wrong - to point a parent loudest voice possible insisted her DD must be wrong as it couldn't be top group with my DS in it.

Move to completely new part of UK - wales and it's just not a thing here - no one cares how other kids are doing. There is tutoring but it's usually used by kids struggling - one with non English parents so often bilingual and struggling with English grades or with underlying condition - dyslexia etc - or who need to boost up a grade or so.

I did mention on here once in first area how flummoxed I was by another parent attitude their DS didn't know their time tables in Y4 and what was the school going to do - I did think they taught maths poorly reflected in their SATS results - but parent refused to do any help at home. I got told on here I should go round and teach the boy - it was a couple with one child and more money than I had - and I was dealing with three kids needing a lot help tight budget and a DH away in week. Had it area DH grew up in family friend DS struggling with handwriting - as our DS was - I recommended resources we'd found helpful - oh it's the schools responsibility.

Ideally you should be able to leave it to the schools - I don't know if it areas we have lived in - very working class - but there can be an attitude from schools of oh good enough rather than support and pushing.

@Chasingshadowss

parents have the power to do so much themselves with their kids to improve their kids performance without resorting to bitching about the "rubbish" school or coach "playing favourites". It's setting their child up for a victim mentality.

I agree with this. I don’t think it’s helpful to draw attention to favouritism, whether real or imagined (unless it’s very egregious). Children need to develop their own work ethic. The reality is that favouritism exists in all walks of life. Feelinh that a parent will come in and bail them out every time doesn’t support a child’s resilience in the long run.

I think there are two separate issues here: there is the question of whether teachers are being accused by parents of not doing their jobs properly (by and large they are), but there is also a question about what signal the parents are sending the child about the importance of school.

The premise of this post is that a of parents overstate children’s aptitude. That’s probably true. But my philosophy is that it’s better to err on the side of over promoting confidence than under promoting and encouraging mediocrity.