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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... in asking if you have ever watched porn with DH/DP?

79 replies

Einhverdottir · 15/09/2024 17:12

I've done a NC for this post. My DP asked if I'd watch some with him.

I'm asking this question for women perspective. I know the title will attract a lot of the men readers, but not really interested in their replies.

YABU: I've never watched porn with DH/DP
YANBU: I've have watched porn with DH/DP

TLDR: In a new relationship with a nice man for 18 months. Exclusive. I really like him. Both divorced and no kids. Due to location, we had only gotten to see each other every 2nd weekend. But now we're both relocated to the same city. We both prefer to have our own places and spaces for now, no plans for anything more.

I've watch some porn in the past on my own, read erotica, etc. It is not something I need. I have the usual ethics concerns, but am sure I could find something. Also, working in cybersecurity area I'm somewhat paranoid about these things in general.

OP posts:
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Angran1 · 28/10/2024 17:08

he watches it 🤣....she just hasnt found out 🤣🤣

mamajong · 28/10/2024 16:39

Yes as part of a healthy sex life, I enjoy it.

MeAgainAndAgain · 28/10/2024 15:02

notzen · 28/10/2024 14:52

Legality, bombardment of ads, wouldn’t know where to start, search history…?
I don’t know if there’s any privacy on the internet.

Show quote history

Legality - look for Literotica or look on Reddit, both are legal. There’s probably loads more but they’re a good start. I’ve never come across anything illegal, I’m not even sure if you could, without going into the dark web (is that what’s it’s called?). Google blocks things like that.

Bombardment of ads - adverts on both those sites is unobtrusive, like on Mumsnet. It’s there but not in your face.

Wouldn’t know where to start - see above. Literotica has ‘stories and pics’ then within that the style like age gap, gay etc. And Reddit has a huge number of sections, called ‘subs’, you just have to put in some keywords and have a look.

Search history - as long as you do it on your own private device eg phone, you’re fine. I think porn is the most searched for thing, no one is interested if Mrs Jones from Leicester looks at age gap stories. Just don’t use your real name if you join any forums. Call yourself ‘Julie from Lincoln’. That’ll confound everyone 😆.

notzen · 28/10/2024 14:52

MeAgainAndAgain · 28/10/2024 14:46

Scared? Why? Fear of coming across something unwanted or illegal?

Show quote history

Legality, bombardment of ads, wouldn’t know where to start, search history…?
I don’t know if there’s any privacy on the internet.

Tink3rbell30 · 28/10/2024 14:50

No it's gross. Massive ick

MeAgainAndAgain · 28/10/2024 14:46

notzen · 28/10/2024 13:54

I would but scared to search.

Scared? Why? Fear of coming across something unwanted or illegal?

StressedQueen · 28/10/2024 14:16

No it's really odd

notzen · 28/10/2024 13:54

I would but scared to search.

Angran1 · 16/09/2024 18:21

she just doesnt realise he watches it...🤣🤣

bifurCAT · 16/09/2024 11:37

RufustheFactualReindeer · 15/09/2024 21:02

bifurCAT

50% of voters on the thread?

Yep, if anything it's more! Just on the first page it's about 12 yes to 6 no (which is reflected in the poll as 2:1).

Would you have sex-missionary with someone if offered money

whatsinmypockets · 16/09/2024 08:07

LostTheMarble · 15/09/2024 21:06

You think if someone in the porn industry had meet every person watching their videos, they would give each individual one enthusiastic consent to do so? Really? There wouldn’t be any one person they would be repulsed by the idea of them getting sexual gratification from their videos?

Show quote history

And you think they don't know that already? 😂

LifeExperience · 16/09/2024 02:29

Never, not once. Porn gives a very distorted picture of human relationships and degrades everyone involved, from those who create it to those who pollute their minds with it.

MeAgainAndAgain · 16/09/2024 02:26

DesigningWoman · 15/09/2024 23:54

Because watching a woman you can’t guarantee hasn’t been coerced way beyond her comfort zone, and who is almost certainly exploited by a corrupt and exploitative industry, being violently double-penetrated while she cries is a real turn on?

You’re not watching porn then. You’re watching rape and abuse. The two things are not the same.

BabyOwlinthePlumeria · 16/09/2024 00:17

DesigningWoman · 15/09/2024 23:54

Because watching a woman you can’t guarantee hasn’t been coerced way beyond her comfort zone, and who is almost certainly exploited by a corrupt and exploitative industry, being violently double-penetrated while she cries is a real turn on?

Why do you jump to that extreme? That's awful

DesigningWoman · 15/09/2024 23:54

Because watching a woman you can’t guarantee hasn’t been coerced way beyond her comfort zone, and who is almost certainly exploited by a corrupt and exploitative industry, being violently double-penetrated while she cries is a real turn on?

Pigeonqueen · 15/09/2024 23:44

Vintagevixen · 15/09/2024 21:24

No such thing as ethical porn. We are a porn sick society and this tolerance of it is ruining our young people in particular.

I won't be participating in that.

Agreed.

I used to watch porn with (now) exes when I was much younger, and naive. As a 40 something woman now, no thanks.

KlaraSundown · 15/09/2024 23:40

They aren't drug addicted street sex workers

But I think the majority are, no matter how much it's dressed up and nicely lit. It was obvious to me anyway.

justleggingsandatee · 15/09/2024 21:59

No, I haven't.

Never say never....but I don't think it's something I'd ever do.

I don't like the idea of DH watching another woman while I'm there. Just doesn't do it for me.

pinkstripeycat · 15/09/2024 21:53

Anyonefortennistoday · 15/09/2024 17:56

I have never watched porn at all. I wouldn't be in a relationship with anyone who watched porn. So this situation wouldn't arise.
I find it hard to imagine why any woman would want to sit there whilst her partner got aroused watching other females being exploited and abused and assaulted.

It’s not just men and women having sex you know. Some porn is just women and some is just men. They aren’t being abused. It’s their choice, their job. They aren’t drug addicted street sex workers

Derwent01 · 15/09/2024 21:33

Vintagevixen · 15/09/2024 21:24

No such thing as ethical porn. We are a porn sick society and this tolerance of it is ruining our young people in particular.

I won't be participating in that.

i presumed it was the ones made by women for women that was ethical ?

Derwent01 · 15/09/2024 21:32

@Einhverdottir from a security point of view is it more safer viewing it through eg a Ps4 vs a pc ?

Vintagevixen · 15/09/2024 21:24

No such thing as ethical porn. We are a porn sick society and this tolerance of it is ruining our young people in particular.

I won't be participating in that.

MeAgainAndAgain · 15/09/2024 21:19

There might be a slight disconnect here between the phrases ‘the porn industry’ and ‘people who film themselves and their partner having sex and then post it online with their partners full consent’.

LostTheMarble · 15/09/2024 21:06

whatsinmypockets · 15/09/2024 20:17

The fact is even those who are willing to make these films have to disassociate from the idea of whoever is watching it, because if they had to face every person who asked permission to watch it, it would soon become evident how uncomfortable they would be to see exactly wants to get their rocks off to their films

Spoken with what authority, exactly?

You think if someone in the porn industry had meet every person watching their videos, they would give each individual one enthusiastic consent to do so? Really? There wouldn’t be any one person they would be repulsed by the idea of them getting sexual gratification from their videos?

RufustheFactualReindeer · 15/09/2024 21:02

bifurCAT

50% of voters on the thread?