DH stormed out because my DD was shouting mummy

I’d have vote YABU just for the manipulative lie in the thread title. Your DH didn’t get angry because of anything your toddler did so stop presenting it that way.

Your DH is right, you made things worse by going in there. Your DD was safe with her parent and you should have stayed away unless he called for back up. You owe him an apology. Then hopefully both of you can move on, because those bedtimes don’t bring out the best in people.

Yes so she thought she'd try something new, and tonight it was calling for you.
This is your DD testing to see where the boundaries are and you just taught her that if she cries 'mummy, mummy' that presses your buttons harder than her just crying/fussing.
And its actually really annoying when the other parent rushes in in this scenario, because it just validates this sentiment of 'only mummy will do, they need mummy more than daddy'.
As PP have said - a year down the line this becomes 'i can't go out with friends because DD/DS doesn't settle for Dad' and then suddenly its Dads fault.

OP it's normal - countless couples all over the world have had this fight. It's part stress, overwhelm, feeling inadequate, feeling not good enough, bruised ego, undermined etc etc. When you're there as the parent and your child screams for the other parent - no matter how sensible we want to appear - it stings and we can feel just alot of stress in that moment.

Just say sorry and if he has half a brain he'll just say sorry too.

You ARE undermining him

He's right.

Take that onboard now reassess your actions.

Sooooo, you hated it when he was coming over, but somehow it's different when you turn up as a saviour and interrupt his routine.
Either you have some wider issues you need to address, or you are a type of person who is perfect while you see your husband as not doing things the right way and always correct him and he's finally losing it.

I agree with this but the op and her husband wants to be equal. Children don't always want to go bed. They want to be up where they believe the action is happening. He did say "You don't like it when I come in" it's happened before. Children aren't stupid if they see weakness then they will play one of against the other. They need towork together and not give in bed is bed.

My favourite adults children book is Go The Fuck to Sleep someone had to write a book about it. 🤣

If I took over every time my kids asked for me then DH would never do anything. I do usually text to say I can take over if he's struggling but he never takes me up on that.

You’re undermining his parenting and stepping on his toes when he’s in charge of the bedtime.

Next time it happens try to just let him get on with it or if you really need to go in there, tell your child that Daddy is doing bedtime and they need to listen to him.

Text, good idea, never had phones when I had young kids, this would have been perfect for me.

Tin hat time folks. Bloody Russian bots.🙄 Does anyone take the majority of MN that seriously and believe everything they read on here? FFS

The title is misleading. Your DH stormed off because you came into the room while he was busy trying to get your child to bed. Not because your child was shouting mummy.

In this scenario I’d be annoyed if I was your DH. He didn’t ask for help and you’ve overstepped. In this scenario I’d probably have texted my DH to say ‘shout if you want to swap’

Actually, this makes sense. Scarily so.

A father tries to settle his c then the situation is taken over from him. I'd be annoyed in his shoes but not enough to storm off. That's childish.
You could have let him get on with it so he can learn to settle his c himself.
So many posters on here moan that h/p isn't involved and sits on the seatee looking at their phone / tv/ gaming. Some will be lazy bastards but I wonder how many have tried in the beginning only to be told 'I'll settle lo, they prefer me to do it.' ? Mum becomes the required parent and if I was p/h I'd be thinking 'I try to do stuff , it's not good enough so fuck it, let her moan.'

It’s really interesting to see the very staunch responses with the common theme of “undermining” being mentioned. My husband and I are very traditional though so I mostly do the nighttime routines and he’ll come in to kiss our children goodnight. It works for us so we’ve never had to worry about undermining as our roles are fairly defined (which we like!). If my husband is on the odd occasion doing the tucking in however, and one of our children called out for me (it has happened) then he’s good humoured about it. We both are.

Op, you did nothing wrong at all. Toddlers naturally want their mothers for nurturing activities. It’s normal. And your response as a mother is also natural.

This ^^

They are little versions of ourselves and never forget that. If she can get away by playing one of against the other then she will.

@Babybirdmum has your relationship changed since the baby? Are you (either as a couple or individually) struggling ?

There seem to be some negative changes in everyone's behaviour at the moment. Is this because of the baby or the relationship isn't great to begin with?

Even children as young as a toddler learn how to play one parent off the other. This is why you decide which one is dealing with her at that moment and let them parent. You say she called for you - so what? You needed to let him deal, or if you couldn't control yourself then you should have told toddler that daddy was in charge, night night, love you. It's that simple.

Have you posted about this before? It is very familiar, including your woe is me response.

If he is the type to storm out over this, does he have anger issues? Is this why you went to her? If she's usually fine with him, I'd go too if my name was being called by her.

Edit - my dp would be pissed if our 5yo was calling for me at bedtime (I do breastfed dd who is 2) and I was always going in. Rightfully. A one off, he would not be, because ds would obviously have a genuine need for me.

@Lovelylilylane because some of us have been on the other side of this. DD used to do the whole crocodile tears and daddy daddy when she was in trouble or I was trying to put her to bed or whatever, waiting for daddy to come running. The third time he did it I plonked her in his arms and told him he's dealing with it. They were both still awake at 1 am. Then he also got it back. Kids do learn to play parents off each other and learn who is the "rescuer".

Welcome to parenthood and it don't get any easier. The best part of it all is when they grow up and leave and all you have left is your jaw to pick up because it's the way they did it. Sorry to say this girls are the worst they have emotions and when they want something they will get at all costs.

I’m always pondering this. Russian bots? Male posters where the assumption is they are female? I just don’t know.

I agree entirely. I’m trying to figure out why the responses have been so odd.

I’m with @Scammersarescum on this.

You said it was out of the ordinary, OP.
And she called directly for you.

There’s no way I’m going to ignore that.

Your h will never learn how to settle her if you go in the room.

I understand that you want to go in because she’s calling for you but if you’re going to prevent her from learning how to settle with dad then you should saving everyone time and do all the settling yourself.

It sounds like he wasn’t doing a good job of settling but remember what it’s like settling her as a baby and having to learn what works and doesn’t ? What you’re doing is exactly the same as him walking in when you were learning how to settle her. The fact that she says mummy now but couldn’t articulate daddy then is neither here nor there. By taking over you are undermining his parenting confidence like he probably did to you back when she was a baby.